We had a Twitter thread going on about tiny, petty things our spouses do to make us hate them and I realized I don’t like being touched or talk to (or even looked at) while I’m eating alone.

Yesterday my husband touched me, in a perfectly friendly, even kind way, while I was eating my peanut butter cereal. It burned like hot acid on a hot day!

I realized it’s because breakfast is one of my micro vacations of the day and I couldn’t stand having my two-minute vacation, especially one where I’m eating something crunchy and sweet, interrupted. Here are my other tiny vacations these days:

• Any morning time I’m awake and have hot coffee and nobody else is awake.
  

• Right after a shower when my head is under a towel and I can’t hear anything and it’s dark under there and nobody can find me.
  

• Listening to music/podcasts during laundry/dishes time. If someone suddenly comes in and talks to me, I realize I’m back to doing a chore so I’m pissed about having my audio flow interrupted and also being red-pilled against my wishes.
  

• Lunch by myself. It’s like breakfast but I catch up on my reading so when that doesn’t work out I’m wholly disconnected from the entire world.
  

• When I’m exercising, and I can yell things like “If you can’t get him back in the kitchen, make sure he’s not eating anything you care about!” or “Get yourself an ice pack!” or “My goal is to finish this without stopping so you figure it out!”
  

• Anytime I’m driving by myself, anywhere, as long as it’s a distance close enough that my back doesn’t start to hurt.

End credits

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers whose kids are at home all week with nonserious but lingering colds, if not literally, then spiritually. Feel free to forward this around but please do encourage your pals or social media buddies to sign up. If you have any questions, feedback, or suggestions you can reply right to this email. You can follow us on Instagram here and talk to other witches on Twitter, too. Some upcoming topics include strategies for allowing your screen-crazy tween to have some independence online without letting them go hog wild, plus tips on career advancement during a pandemic. LMK if you have any questions, thoughts, suggestions, and so on and where you take your tiny vacations.

One witchy thing