Fall 2019 Old Navy fashion round up

Don't pretend this isn't about you.

saturday night live snl GIF by HULU

Today’s post has been brought to you by fashion witch Kim Bosch:

Just in case you haven’t received an email from Old Navy in awhile (ha!), this is a gentle reminder that it’s an excellent shopping option not only for your kids but for you as well. But how do you buy just the right amount of Old Navy without becoming that Old Navy mom (you know, the one with all the super thin blouses and cardigans who looks cold all the time?), here are some witchy Old Navy favorites to consider spending that (otherwise useless) Super Cash on.  

Rockstar Jeans

I’m going to be honest: these are the jeans you buy when you've given up looking for the perfect pair of jeans. And can we just stop doing that already? These are good enough for when you don't have time (or money or confidence) to try one more GD pair of jeans that makes you feel like you don’t understand anything anymore. I can't say that they fit perfectly, or that they make your butt look like your 3rd year of college after you finally found the campus gym, but they are stretchy and breathable, and they encase your legs and protect them from the elements nicely. I am sure by the end of this sentence skinny jeans will be officially over (they are already, Kim) but I don't care. These are fine pants, indeed! 

High-Waisted Elevate Compression Leggings

I have what I like to call "water bed belly" after having my kid. It's not a large tummy, but it’s very expansive and soft. I'm happy with it, but I dislike the feeling of it flapping in the breeze when I work out. These pants help get it together without pinching or poking so that I can lounge on the weight bench, chatting on WhatsApp, in extreme comfort.  

Graphic Muscle Tank

When I went looking for gym clothes after having my kid, I was also bummed out by the tops. They were all either super restrictive and tight or basically a piece of tissue paper with holes and straps. And then I found the GMT, which should really stand for the Graphic Mom Tank because it gives all the mom-specific support (normal sized arm holes, good chest coverage, perfect length and stretch for overall comfort). The graphics on these change with every season, so if you’re into the "no bad vibes" logo-thing, have at it. I usually just go with the basic Old Navy logo (because I stan) and because I don’t want anyone thinking “She seems fun!” and trying to engage me at the gym what-so-ever.

Patterned Twill Classic Shirt 

I fell in love with these shirts while I was breastfeeding. They're super absorbent (never thought that would be a selling point for a shirt, but here we are), they hide stains, and wash well. They are also the perfect weight for days when, within the span of an hour, you will go from feeling comfortable to incredibly hot (e.g. bringing in the groceries in one trip because YOU CAN AND WILL). A superb option for big-boobed witches because it doesn’t gape at the chest and isn’t overly boxy as you size up, either. 

Sleeveless Jersey Swing Dress  

I lived in this dress both the summer I was pregnant, and the following summer when everyone thought I was pregnant but I wasn’t. I still have one in my closet (black) that I bring out when I’ve got period bloat. It’s the perfect basic shift that can be dressed up with patterned leggings, a jacket, or jewelry, or dressed so far down that it’s basically a nightgown. If you’re leggy and worried about the length, it comes in tall, which means you can wear it to a kid’s birthday party and no one will get a peak of your period panties (you know the ones) as you bend over to scrape a melted-down toddler off the floor. 

Canvas Utility Jacket

Referred to by clothes-conscious witches I know as “the jacket” this is the perfect coat for early fall and spring. The high collar and structure give it the polish of a real-deal adult jacket, while the pockets and forgiving fabric (plus the cheap price tag) allow your child to use it as a canvas for their crayons without worry. This item more than any other on the list is the one people ask me about, and when I say “It’s from Old Navy!”, they seem skeptical. Some have even demanded to see the tag. (Btw, Janice, if you’re reading this, we need to talk about boundaries.)  

**Bonus Fashion!**

New for Fall: V-Neck Shaker Stitch Sweater

I am skeptical of these retro-style sweaters with the high front, low back + off the shoulder vibe. I mean, we’ve done this all before, right? Should we do it again? Maybe I’m just an old who feels like the youngs are reappropriating (read: wearing it better than I ever did) my long-forgotten fashion. Having said that, I put all my curmudgeoning aside for this sweater. It’s shapely, breathable, and…fun. Yes, even you, a decrepit old mom, can have fun in your Old Navy experience. I bought it in rainbow because I wanted to double-down on the retro look, plus wearing it makes me feel like Stacey from The Babysitter’s Club (minus the diabetes).  

Vintage - Jacquard Open-Front Cardi-Coat for Women (no link, sadly)

Please, if someone from Old Navy is reading this, bring back this sweater. It’s one part house coat, one part cardigan with a cotton weave that washes like a sweet baby’s dream. When my kid was little, I would wrap her up in it with me and we’d nap. Now, I use the giant pockets to store old tissues and to hide random toys from her as I wrangle her into the car every morning. My cardi-coat is basically a rag at this point, but I will continue to wear it until my husband throws out his oldest pair of Old Navy boxers…so, never. 

Kim is a proud teacher, writer, and witch. You can find her on Twitter. If you have other Old Navy secrets to share please do so in the comments or whatever method you like most.
Cardigan GIF

End credits

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. Please pass it along, if you know someone who'd like this sort of thing a few times a week: become a paid subscriber to support the work and get additional insider-only content! If you’re interested in writing a guest post, have any general questions or have a suggested topic you can reply right to this newsletter. You can also follow us and talk to us on Twitter here and follow us on Instagram too.


One witchy thing

johnny depp ec GIF