I spent some time commiserating with some other moms of uterus-having tweens and there’s a "here’s what to do if you’re fertile and having sex" list going around. Things like "get on long-term birth control ASAP, buy condoms, pregnancy tests + Plan B in bulk, take pregnancy tests regularly if you’re out there sexing, ask your doctor for a prescription for mifestpritone etc now just in case, stuff like that.
Questions we were asking but need answers for - if my daughter hasn’t started her period yet, and shows no romantic interest in boys, am I safe from these decisions? If she has started her period but shows no interest in sex, how early is too early to get birth control? Also, I guess we have to start saving for out-of-state tuition bc why the hell would I send her to college here? I mean, I got out of college without an abortion but not without helping a friend through one.
Please share here any resources you have been gathering for your daughters, discussions you are having with your sons, and/or questions and concerns you have in mind lately in light of Texas’ near-abortion ban.
I haven't spoken about abortion yet with my sons (6 and 9.) A few weeks ago was the first time I explained the notion of rape to them (it came up in context; they didn't have a lot of questions.) My older, sensitive (self-righteous) one, I have a feeling, is going to have a LOT of feelings and opinions on it and it'll be an interesting ongoing discussion. I hope not for a few years at the very least so he can appreciate more of the nuances.
Hi! I've worked in repro for nearly a decade and just wanted to say thanks so much for starting this convo!! Here are some resources that can be really helpful when talking to kids and adults about abortion:
1. The way our society talks about abortion can reinforce stigma (and misinformation!) and make it much harder for folks to get an abortion because they feel shame. This is article is good place to start for learning a healthy and stigma-free way to talk about abortion: https://www.thecut.com/2021/09/language-of-abortion-debate-arguments.html
2. It's absolutely okay to talk to your kids, even younger kids, about abortion. My twins are 5, and I generally say, there are some pregnant people who do not want to be pregnant and abortion helps them not to be. I say that some people are not ready to have a baby and that's okay. Having a baby is hard work. Babies deserve to be loved and wanted and have parents who are ready. We talk a lot about being the boss of your own body: no one should be able to force you to have a baby, because you are the boss of your body. There are two books coming out designed specifically to talk to your kids about abortion and you can preorder: https://rewirenewsgroup.com/article/2021/08/25/this-mother-daughter-duo-is-reimagining-the-conversation-around-abortion/
3. Telling your abortion story—if you feel safe and in a place where you can—is powerful and reinforces to kids (and adults) that it is normally and common. Right now, there's a group of folks submitting a brief to the Supreme Court, specifically for people who've had abortions. It's a very direct way to help. They need signatures by TOMORROW, SEPT 14. You can sign and find out more info here: https://twitter.com/AbortionStories/status/1435304809372991490?s=20
My 15yo daughter knows I had an abortion, and now that she has a boyfriend, we frequently check in to ask if she needs or wants birth control. I like the idea of ordering Plan B in advance, especially after seeing the movie on Hulu. My 10yo son is aware that my primary voting issue is reproductive freedom, and he sees me in my "Everyone loves someone who had an abortion" tshirt (but not my story). At least my daughter and I plan to march on October 2 in Chicagoland (probably Woodstock), maybe my son, too.
I have preschoolers and follow @sexpositivefamilies for a range of age-appropriate topics. Two of the resources they recommend are amaze.org, which has videos for kids that include emergency contraception and abortion. They also recommend curriculum for schools and community groups, at least one of which covers abortion - unhushed.org.
I really appreciate the "Family" program that is part of the curriculum at our school. It's presented with the facts and does not shy from the more controversial subjects (well, at least that is what happened when my oldest went through it; that teacher has since retired.) One outcome of the whole Catholic Clergy sex abuse scandal is that the concept of "my body, my decisions" has been instilled from an early age. Conversations about sex as well as relationships in general, romantic or otherwise, have been going in our household since preschool. The no-brainer of this is bottom line, having open, trusted, family communication and that having firm borders of what is acceptable and unacceptable in any relationship is key to safe interactions, romantic or otherwise. If kids these days can discuss the issue of gender pronouns easily, they should be able to talk about sexual borders within relationships. This can only be done if parents model effective communication.
I know, easier said than done, and not a 100% guarantee.
As for the more tangible issues. As a mother of two daughters, I find what is happening in Texas quite concerning. I am currently parenting a female sophomore in an all-girl high school. Although she does socialize with the opposite sex, the pandemic has pretty much dampened any opportunity to have any significant in-person social interaction, so just the thought of acquiring let alone stockpiling contraceptive devices and emergency pills has not entered the picture. What I personally have been focusing on is the law itself. You want this law? Ok, then let's play! If this law is meant to protect the right so women then let's make it happen.
I know Governor Abbott said that his administration will wipe out rape, but until that happens, if a female who was forcibly impregnated by a man dies in childbirth, can that man be charged with murder? Can a female illegal immigrant, who is carrying a child conceived in the US be deported as that child in utero is an American Citizen? In the past, the argument against men having to provide monetary assistance for women whom they impregnated was that the woman has a choice on whether or not to continue with said pregnancy. Now that the choice has been taken away, shouldn't there be a law that requires the impregnators to pay 1/2 of pre-natal expenses, provide support for post-partum recovery? I mean, it's not just about birthing babies, but birthing healthy babies as that's the pro-life thing to do, right? If the mother decides to keep the child, is the biological father on the hook for child support regardless of involvement? I believe a law similar to this passed in Utah, If it works in Utah, why not in Texas? In all fairness Women are told time and time again that they should be responsible for not "crossing their legs", should a man be held to the same standard for not "keeping it in their pants" (The "Keeping it in Your Pants" Bill to the Texas State Legislature has a nice ring to it, no?)
I shudder to think of what is ahead. The family court battles, the uptick of children flooding the already overwhelmed foster care system, the number of women that are sure to die in botch abortions, and/or the number of girls who will attempt suicide will be something to contend with. But hey, Texas is ready to take that on right?
I have a relatively sensitive 7 year old boy, so most of the conversations right now are about expressing feelings and preferences and bodily autonomy, telling grownups whenever he feels like something isn't quite right, grownups don't ask kids to keep secrets (as opposed to surprises). Using proper names for body parts and answering questions as they come very matter-of-factly. Watching his media consumption like a hawk. And, frankly, trying like hell to make my husband take on the lions share of this.
I was a bit of a late bloomer, but I remember finding the Scarleteen sex checklist very grounding and honest--things about asking yourself what you actually want from an emotional POV along with things like condoms, and a health care provider, and a birth control prescription, and how much money an abortion costs. Probably more applicable for HS age and up as a standalone document, but might be worth thinking about the steps that a person would need to take to make that checklist work (e.g. comfort in one's own body, with emotions, etc.)
I love not only considering the physical, immediate, practical needs that one might have to resist the misogyny written into law. I REALLY love the opportunity to think about the conversations we have with kids about it, ideally including the absolute necessity that we must be informed and involved in our political environments so that these strategies of control are temporary.
https://www.plancpills.org/ is an informational resource on medical abortions and has a state-by-state guide for all of the options available to access medicine, including “creative access” for more restrictive states.
I haven't spoken about abortion yet with my sons (6 and 9.) A few weeks ago was the first time I explained the notion of rape to them (it came up in context; they didn't have a lot of questions.) My older, sensitive (self-righteous) one, I have a feeling, is going to have a LOT of feelings and opinions on it and it'll be an interesting ongoing discussion. I hope not for a few years at the very least so he can appreciate more of the nuances.
Hi! I've worked in repro for nearly a decade and just wanted to say thanks so much for starting this convo!! Here are some resources that can be really helpful when talking to kids and adults about abortion:
1. The way our society talks about abortion can reinforce stigma (and misinformation!) and make it much harder for folks to get an abortion because they feel shame. This is article is good place to start for learning a healthy and stigma-free way to talk about abortion: https://www.thecut.com/2021/09/language-of-abortion-debate-arguments.html
2. It's absolutely okay to talk to your kids, even younger kids, about abortion. My twins are 5, and I generally say, there are some pregnant people who do not want to be pregnant and abortion helps them not to be. I say that some people are not ready to have a baby and that's okay. Having a baby is hard work. Babies deserve to be loved and wanted and have parents who are ready. We talk a lot about being the boss of your own body: no one should be able to force you to have a baby, because you are the boss of your body. There are two books coming out designed specifically to talk to your kids about abortion and you can preorder: https://rewirenewsgroup.com/article/2021/08/25/this-mother-daughter-duo-is-reimagining-the-conversation-around-abortion/
3. Telling your abortion story—if you feel safe and in a place where you can—is powerful and reinforces to kids (and adults) that it is normally and common. Right now, there's a group of folks submitting a brief to the Supreme Court, specifically for people who've had abortions. It's a very direct way to help. They need signatures by TOMORROW, SEPT 14. You can sign and find out more info here: https://twitter.com/AbortionStories/status/1435304809372991490?s=20
My 15yo daughter knows I had an abortion, and now that she has a boyfriend, we frequently check in to ask if she needs or wants birth control. I like the idea of ordering Plan B in advance, especially after seeing the movie on Hulu. My 10yo son is aware that my primary voting issue is reproductive freedom, and he sees me in my "Everyone loves someone who had an abortion" tshirt (but not my story). At least my daughter and I plan to march on October 2 in Chicagoland (probably Woodstock), maybe my son, too.
I have preschoolers and follow @sexpositivefamilies for a range of age-appropriate topics. Two of the resources they recommend are amaze.org, which has videos for kids that include emergency contraception and abortion. They also recommend curriculum for schools and community groups, at least one of which covers abortion - unhushed.org.
I really appreciate the "Family" program that is part of the curriculum at our school. It's presented with the facts and does not shy from the more controversial subjects (well, at least that is what happened when my oldest went through it; that teacher has since retired.) One outcome of the whole Catholic Clergy sex abuse scandal is that the concept of "my body, my decisions" has been instilled from an early age. Conversations about sex as well as relationships in general, romantic or otherwise, have been going in our household since preschool. The no-brainer of this is bottom line, having open, trusted, family communication and that having firm borders of what is acceptable and unacceptable in any relationship is key to safe interactions, romantic or otherwise. If kids these days can discuss the issue of gender pronouns easily, they should be able to talk about sexual borders within relationships. This can only be done if parents model effective communication.
I know, easier said than done, and not a 100% guarantee.
As for the more tangible issues. As a mother of two daughters, I find what is happening in Texas quite concerning. I am currently parenting a female sophomore in an all-girl high school. Although she does socialize with the opposite sex, the pandemic has pretty much dampened any opportunity to have any significant in-person social interaction, so just the thought of acquiring let alone stockpiling contraceptive devices and emergency pills has not entered the picture. What I personally have been focusing on is the law itself. You want this law? Ok, then let's play! If this law is meant to protect the right so women then let's make it happen.
I know Governor Abbott said that his administration will wipe out rape, but until that happens, if a female who was forcibly impregnated by a man dies in childbirth, can that man be charged with murder? Can a female illegal immigrant, who is carrying a child conceived in the US be deported as that child in utero is an American Citizen? In the past, the argument against men having to provide monetary assistance for women whom they impregnated was that the woman has a choice on whether or not to continue with said pregnancy. Now that the choice has been taken away, shouldn't there be a law that requires the impregnators to pay 1/2 of pre-natal expenses, provide support for post-partum recovery? I mean, it's not just about birthing babies, but birthing healthy babies as that's the pro-life thing to do, right? If the mother decides to keep the child, is the biological father on the hook for child support regardless of involvement? I believe a law similar to this passed in Utah, If it works in Utah, why not in Texas? In all fairness Women are told time and time again that they should be responsible for not "crossing their legs", should a man be held to the same standard for not "keeping it in their pants" (The "Keeping it in Your Pants" Bill to the Texas State Legislature has a nice ring to it, no?)
I shudder to think of what is ahead. The family court battles, the uptick of children flooding the already overwhelmed foster care system, the number of women that are sure to die in botch abortions, and/or the number of girls who will attempt suicide will be something to contend with. But hey, Texas is ready to take that on right?
Open the worm cam, deal with the worms.
Hey just FYI in case helpful to anyone, Pregmate makes awesome pregnancy tests that are CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP, available on amazon, and just as effective and reliable as any other more expensive brand. My gynecologist recommended them when I was trying to conceive. Here is a link, its $21.95 for 100 tests. When my daughter is a teenager I will probably stick these in the closet along with the tampons and whatnot. https://www.amazon.com/PREGMATE-Pregnancy-Strips-Urine-Predictor/dp/B01G5YAKHC/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=pregmate&qid=1631548358&sr=8-5
I have a relatively sensitive 7 year old boy, so most of the conversations right now are about expressing feelings and preferences and bodily autonomy, telling grownups whenever he feels like something isn't quite right, grownups don't ask kids to keep secrets (as opposed to surprises). Using proper names for body parts and answering questions as they come very matter-of-factly. Watching his media consumption like a hawk. And, frankly, trying like hell to make my husband take on the lions share of this.
I was a bit of a late bloomer, but I remember finding the Scarleteen sex checklist very grounding and honest--things about asking yourself what you actually want from an emotional POV along with things like condoms, and a health care provider, and a birth control prescription, and how much money an abortion costs. Probably more applicable for HS age and up as a standalone document, but might be worth thinking about the steps that a person would need to take to make that checklist work (e.g. comfort in one's own body, with emotions, etc.)
I love not only considering the physical, immediate, practical needs that one might have to resist the misogyny written into law. I REALLY love the opportunity to think about the conversations we have with kids about it, ideally including the absolute necessity that we must be informed and involved in our political environments so that these strategies of control are temporary.
https://www.plancpills.org/ is an informational resource on medical abortions and has a state-by-state guide for all of the options available to access medicine, including “creative access” for more restrictive states.