A look back at the 2020 beauty and style trends at my house

What a pretty year

  • Defiant/terrified body hair. You know how in Apollo 13 they shut down all the systems to preserve what bit of oxygen they have in the capsule? When the pandemic started in the spring, I continued my winter hiatus from shaving/waxing anything on my body and began to see it as a point of pride. Like it made me Charlize Theron in Mad Max. I would send photos of my armpit hair to my friends. Then it became summer for real and I realized I’d rather not during shorts/swimsuit season. (I still have yet to touch my eyebrows. Like a nascent baseball team or a forest after a fire, it’s a period of regrowth for me.)

  • Getting closer to the OGB. My writers group and I joke about eventually getting to the OGB stage of life—old gray braid. I started this year looking like a President entering office and left like one leaving. My husband, who is tall enough to look down on my head, has noted this year that he “really likes” me with gray hair and that it’s cute. I am at peace with this. The grays feel right. I really earned them. Here’s a close-up of my hair in our Christmas card:

    My only hope is that maybe next year they’ll fall in line and grow together but if not it’s okay because I’m Charlize Theron in Mad Max.

  • Also a lot more wrinkles. Is it from the drinking, or the stress? Doesn’t really matter. My face is a lot more crinkled this year and I’ve also discovered new wrinkles on other parts of my body. Watch this space for updates on face fillers in 2021.

  • Anxiety slimdown: The week of the US election I was was so stressed out I lost touch with my old friend food, plus I had given up drinking. Between that and constant anxiety poops I found myself unexpectedly skinny in early November. Too bad I had no place to go, nothing to wear, and also who really cared since the life and death of our country/future was on the line.

  • Celebratory fatup: The day we found out about the election results I got buzzed in various ways and found myself scarfing down the kids’ Halloween candy, suddenly delicious. This continued for several weeks. What a ride!

  • No more big heavy purses carrying my laptop and a ton of shit around. That’s good, as are all forms of comfort and convenience. (BTW 🚨sweatpants sale🚨 .)

  • Cute gym shoes: If I learned one important thing this year it’s that when it comes to what really matters in life, it’s shoes that make you happy. I had been entertaining the idea of getting Jordans for some time until The Last Dance inspired me to Just Do That and I got them and they have been a bright spot in my life. Plus they look much better with my comfy pants than my regular running shoes.

  • Treating myself to separate face masks: I bought separate, floral masks to stand out from everyone else’s in the household so theirs can all be in a wrinkly tangle and mine can be easily pulled from the laundry and hung nicely.

  • Being much less vigilant about cutting the kids’ nails weekly: Because what’s the point.

  • Hangover face. This was the year I realized that if I drink too much I wake up looking like Lenny Briscoe.

Let me hear about all the cool lewks you pulled together this year.


End credits

Thank you for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. If you have any questions, ideas, suggested topics or questions about submissions, you can reply right to this email. If you know someone who'd like this sort of thing in their inbox about once or twice a week, go ahead and spread the word. You can follow us via Instagram or Twitter. If you want to support this ad/sponsor-free work and get some extra content and access to subscriber-only discussion threads, please become a paid subscriber which ON SALE for 30% off now until the end of 2020. The newsletter will be on vacation next week but member discussion threads will be happening—all the more reason to become a paid subscriber!

One witchy thing