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A talent competition
My in laws were recently in town with us for five nights. The first three days of the visit my 4 year old was being extra in every capacity, which stressed everybody out and dragged down the whole operation for a couple of days.
I posted this to some friends:
Name one bad thing your kid is good at. J. is really good at taking everyone down with him when he's in a shit mood.
If I can count on you all for one thing it’s to make me feel less alone. Here are some bad skills our kids have honed of late:
“Ear-assaulting, piercing shriek for any minor injury so we are all immediately enraged.”
“Making a school day/camp day morning really tense and stressful for everyone.”
“Handing me old Kleenexes.”
“Getting what HE wants for meals. Everyone else be damned!”
“Empty threats. Like, ‘I'm never going to play with you again.’ I wish child, I wish.”
“Fucking jumping and hanging all over me all the time.”
“Staying up late and coming into my room to ‘Ask me a question.’”
“My son is a really great motivational speaker and very good at convincing his 3-year-old brother to do things that are annoying, destructive and/or dangerous.”
“My daughter is amazing at deflecting, like, when you ask her about something bad she might have done, she'll respond with, ‘Mom I love your hair.’”
“Telling me they want something, then when I prepare it, a) refusing to eat it because it doesn’t look as they expected, or b) being like, “‘Oh I didn’t mean THAT, I want this other thing.’”
“Shredding things. Be it paper or plastic, after 5 minutes with my kid it will be a fine confetti coating every surface in the room.”
“The 21 yo cries. So. Much.”
“Saying, ‘Actually...’ in response to everything I tell him.”
“Wiping his gross hands all over the furniture, his clothes, the walls. I can’t wrap my head around having ketchup and French fry grease all over your fingers and just wiping them on, like, a throw pillow.”
“Talking constantly and then crying and shouting ‘You're 'rupting me!!’ when we try to get a word in edgewise or respond to something she says.”
“Being the one lone vote against doing something everyone else wants to do, refusing to settle, sobbing, and then either a) torpedoing the plan, or b) getting dragged along anyway, having a marvelous time, and refusing to learn from that, ensuring the cycle repeats itself.”
“Making their bad feelings last as long as possible. Really just squeezing the life out of one bad moment and sucking it dry.”
Does your child have any particular talents you’d like to boast?
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