An Asian American woman tells you how she is
by Jeanie Chung
Still wondering how I am? Since you asked:*
1. I am having some bad days lately, to be honest.
2. I wonder how many more times we would have had to be beaten, spit on, called names, assaulted, and insulted in myriad ways—for years—before you took us seriously, had these vicious murders not happened. You remember those murders, right? Or have we moved on?
3. I wish you knew how easy it was to find these links, and how many I had to choose from.
4. I think, even if the most horrific anti-Asian hate crime lately gets classified as something other than an actual anti-Asian hate crime, I’m still pretty sure the other ones are.
5. I see how little things have changed since Vincent Chin. And no, I’m not going to link to that because if you don’t know who he is you should do some research your damn self.
6. For that matter, I’m not terribly interested in educating you, and I am extremely suspicious of any message urging people to “educate” themselves that then links to what is clearly the first search result the sender could find under “anti-Asian racism,” “anti-Asian hate crimes,” or “history of racism against Asians.” And considers the job done.
7. I wonder if you have ever been called “my little [insert ethnicity here] princess” or had men make various references that are sexualized-but-arguably-not-explicitly-so involving women from cultures with people who look kind of similar to you. While you were at work, no less—though thankfully not in your current job.
8. I shouldn’t even need to explain how racism and sexism are intertwined in the case of violence against Asian women.
9. I’m pretty impressed by that old woman in San Francisco.
10. I’m also scared.
11. I worry about my safety walking alone, which hasn’t happened in a while.
12. I worry about my teenage daughter.
13. I worry about my mom, who lives in a just-about-all-White senior living community in a just-about-all-White suburb.
14. I worry about friends and coworkers who are Asian women and live alone.
15. I worry about pretty much everybody who is or looks Asian.
16. I am perversely glad that my dad developed Alzheimer’s and then died before he had to know about any of this.
17. I am also glad my parents don’t live in their semi-rural house in Livingston County, Michigan anymore.
18. I feel guilty for having an education and a good job, living in a relatively liberal and urbane area, and, let’s face it, being married to a White man, all of which insulate me somewhat from the worst injustices facing Asian American women.
19. That said, I am not even a little bit interested in hearing from anyone, especially other Asian American people, about how people like me are safe because we’re not “that kind of Asian.”
20. I would like to know what kind of Asian is safe.
21. I am well aware of Asian American complicity in White supremacy.
22. I am equally aware of the driving force behind it.
23. I would like to know why White people who take nonwhite lives are treated so differently than, say, people who sell cigarettes. Or many others to whom we all could link quite easily.
24. I’m too tired to do much more linking, though. So tired. Tired and angry and scared and frustrated.
25. I would tell you all this, but I’m not sure you really want to know. So instead, I’ll just say:
26. I’m doing OK, thanks. I appreciate your concern!
*This response is not for the friends and other people who have asked me this question in the past weeks, who have patiently and sympathetically listened to the extended dance remix version of points 1–24, and for whom I am grateful. If you have Asian friends or relatives, especially if they are women, and you are likewise willing to listen patiently and sympathetically, I encourage you to talk to them! You may also be able to do this with more distant acquaintances/relatives, again, provided you’re willing to listen/own your privilege/respect the person’s wishes to not discuss this with you if they don’t want to.
If you are uncomfortable doing any of those things, or not acquainted with any Asian people, and still want to help, think deeds, not words. Attend a training on bystander intervention. Volunteer with Asian American advocacy organizations near you. Let your money talk. And for fuck’s sake, just do better.
Jeanie Chung is a writer in Chicago
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I hope you enjoyed this guest issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. If you have any questions, feedback, or suggested topics for the newsletter you can reply right to this email. You can follow us on Instagram here and talk to other witches on Twitter, too.
Here are some of my other favorite guest posts of the past:
The labor of emotional labor class
The people in the Sundance catalog don’t know yet
An Open Letter to the Kingpin of Every Infectious Disease, Chuck E. Cheese
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