Unscrew this
"you shouldn't have had kids if you don't want to raise them."
Earlier on in the pandemic I wanted to write something about the role work plays in our lives, and how difficult, with the schools closed and so much unknown, it was to get time to work, let alone get good work done.
Then I worried that maybe this was too much of a non-problem and it was not worth talking about when so many worse things were happening to other people. Life also seemed to get a little easier for me once home schooling was over. Maybe I would just ease into my life of cooking and cleaning and clearing and getting and teaching and also working some too and keep my mouth shut.
The work conversation has come back in the form of back-to-school rumblings which made me realize that I am far from the only person wondering what’s going to happen this fall, and for those of us who can decide, what you’re going to choose, your career or your kids’ education, and that’s not to mention all the uncertainty and difficulty that faces everyone who works with or kids.
The question is, what’s going to happen to all of us? “Us” meaning parents, teachers, admin, paraprofessionals, and also our kids.
I started a few conversations online over the last few weeks and I know this is only the tip of the iceberg and also does not represent a terribly diverse spectrum of working parents. So imagine, if just the people in my network are this nervous, how about the rest of the country? And also, it’s kinda funny how I think a lot of us feel somehow bad about saying that the future looks bleak for us all.
Does anyone know who is going to help us? I think about the movie Dave when Charles Grodin comes in and overnight balances the national budget. Is there someone similar, some She-lon Musk, who put together some sort of new-new deal to support working parents, early educators and caretakers, and the kids? Because those kids are going to need some extra help over the next, like, decade, and we’re going to need them to be in good shape to take care of us someday.
Here are what other witches are concerned about with regard the future of work, childcare, school, and our kids’ social/emotional/overall health:
“In NYC, we're starting to get these ‘outlook’ emails for the next school year and tl;dr, doesn't look like the kids will be fully back in school. It might be one week on, one week at home, or one week on, and two at home if your school is particularly crowded, and lol, just about every non-failing one is.
I have been quietly simmering with rage and confusion over this for a month and what I don't understand is:
How does an economy reopen if schools are closed? Are parents supposed to stop working this year? Seriously. I just need someone to say the quiet part loud.
Are kids with parents both working a minority? Is the new rule that you have to have an unemployed or SAH parent to have a kid in school? Is public school now only for people with grandparents or full-time nannies who can watch the kids two out of three weeks? Maybe they can announce this in a more official way! ‘Public school: Free but you've got to be upper-middle to make it work.’
What am I missing? Is it just me? Are we too beaten down by homeschooling/juggling this year that we have no energy left to raise hell over our logistics/needs being ignored?”
“You should listen to the laughable conversations my university is having about fall classes. They are committed to returning to face-to-face classes to avoid economic disaster. But the best they could say (in a Zoom town hall meeting) when working parents (read: MOMS) asked about how they are supposed to pull this off if kids aren’t in school was ‘I’m sure the committees are working on this.’ And recently we received an email saying, ‘Don’t worry. If you don’t have childcare, we can schedule you for evening or night classes.'“ Wow. I guess they forgot about single parents.”
“I have a lot to say. 1. I tried to dial into the local school district's meeting to discuss the reopening plan, but they capped the Zoom at 300 people, so I couldn't make my voice heard there. 2. I don't want to quit my job, even if I had government support. I'm a fucking executive and I normally like the rat race, when I can send my baby rats to a second location. 3. These bullshit 25-30% in class plans still expose the teachers to 100% of the kids and expose the kids and the teachers to an additional Y group resulting from formal or makeshift childcare to cover the gap. 4. I sent my kids back to their pre-k today, so I'm rolling the dice. 5. If all the rich folks opt out of school and use teachers/nannies, then only the most vulnerable people will be affected. 6. The parents who do go on the Zoom calls and want a distance plan only need to STFU - you can always homeschool. Pull your kids out and let the rest of us figure out how to make this work.”
“It’s shocking to me how we’ve ‘adapted’ to this really unpleasant situation, but no one is winning—not the parents, not the kid, and not our employers. We have no nearby family to help and work late every weeknight to catch up. Constantly having to shoo my child away, wrestling with guilt, very little free time ever, it just sucks. The one silver lining is that my husband is in the trenches with me and pulling equal weight. But honestly, if our catholic school opens (which I assume it will), our son is going, hands down. We desperately need our old lives back.”
“Europe did two things: they actually let / made people stay home long enough so that their case numbers are much lower now, so they CAN reopen. They also offer voluntary return to school (at least in the countries I have friends in) so that majority of students still remain(ed) at home, doing remote learning, making their schools less crowded. Their school days are also much shorter for the younger kids. School is not the all-day childcare that it is here. Many schools offer aftercare, but that is not open, so they are still in the same pickle. However, (at least in the country I have the most friends from) if you have to stay home to care for a kid, you still get 60% of your paycheck, and your position is held for you. I just think that pushing for schools to open is truly accepting that this is ‘over’ when it's not, and we will not be able to walk that back. I know NYC feels very different, with having been hit so hard for so long, but in the rest of the country, this is just starting and I really worry that the moment schools open, that will be it, life goes on, we just drop a 10th of the population every year, we're all good. The analogy to gun violence is apt - a deadly problem that Americans accept as necessary and unsolvable, yet it has been solved elsewhere in the world.”
“There isn’t much schools can do — all of this is up to the state/government. I’m a junior high teacher: I want to go back. But I don’t want COVID! I don’t know how to do this. I think it’s unfair to blame the schools- we get blamed for EVERYTHING. I think the little kids NEED to go to school to effectively learn (more than the older ones). I wish K-5 could be in school- use the junior high for space/smaller classes- but then they’d have to hire more teachers! It’s an insane situation.”
“Oakland is in the same situation; we will have some hybrid model and they're not announcing the tentative plan until July 10. I am torn to a million pieces between I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE TAKE MY KIDS BACK and also scared about what will happen if they go back all-in too soon (because if a kid gets a cold, won't they just send everyone home again until everyone is tested?). A friend told me yesterday that people are going to switch to private schools because of this and a) further defunding and segregation makes me want to scream and puke, b) if it's really not safe to go back to normal, I don't want to, as much as I am fucking DYING over here in a two-working-parent household. I'm not mad at the district for taking these decisions slowly, I'm just mad at fucking everything, and mostly the GOP for fucking this up so royally that this is the position we're in.”
“The notion of the wealthy pulling their kids from public to private schools to advantage themselves feels like a gut punch after all the Republicans have done in recent years to undercut public education. Especially if they all flee to private schools and then get on board with having the government pay for it in the name of ‘school choice.’ This is absolutely connected to the Black Lives Matter movement and the ways our systems are set up for the benefit of white people only.”
“We decided that I would take the summer mostly off (I have one ongoing project that I'm doing during the toddler's nap but otherwise SAHM-ing) and that was ENTIRELY PREDICATED on the idea of September being a return to school and childcare. Now... I don't fucking know. My kid is high risk and I support the need for all this caution. But my career is shelved until we get a vaccine? (And yes: all of this is so much worse/impossible for low-income families.)”
“I was already in the throes of a massive professional identity crisis, and the coronavirus only puts it into sharper relief. In the beginning, I was determined to not miss the ‘opportunity’ of living at the epicenter of a global pandemic as a journalist, and tried to do some COVID-related reporting but instead of feeling fulfilling, it just felt terrible. They are depressing stories to report on, and all the big news orgs with more staff and resources and access did a better job on the story I did manage to do and it just made me feel bad. Then I shifted into a ‘do the work you have’ mode but it's for a nonprofit and while I know it's still important, it just feels way less relevant.
I've now moved onto, maybe I shouldn't be trying to do this work at all. But that's been my ONLY professional identity for the last 20-plus years and this skill the only thing I'm any good at—so if I don't do it anymore, who even am I? Then I go to a dark place where I'm like, ‘Well, I guess I'm just support staff for my successful husband and kids and am otherwise meaningless’ and that's no bueno. It's just weird to think back about the ambitions of my 22-year-old self and realize how far off I am from what I envisioned.”
“I just get a little anxious thinking about how long this can go on. Feel worse for people like my friend whose husband literally does like none of the childcare even though they both work ft. This has def exposed some people’s bullshit parenting.”
“I have worked so fucking hard to claw my way into the job I have now. Currently I have been reduced to 70% hours and pay and I am not okay with that. But it's so tricky to make the argument that schools must reopen if offices do because the truth is it's not safe for either to reopen everywhere. And it is highly region specific, obviously, if we look at the numbers. Even if we in urban areas feel relatively safe, what about older/more vulnerable people whose presence is necessary to make schools and offices run? I feel accountable to them, though obviously our government does not. But how do I weigh that responsibility against all the work I have put into my career and the mental health of my kid? Rich people will find a solution that works for them. The rest of us will have to sacrifice things that matter to us, safety or our professional lives. And may I add that the rolling closures/week on-week-off schedule sounds to me like the worst of all possible worlds.”
“Illinois State Board of Ed just released its guidelines this afternoon, and I [a school principal] just finished reading through all 65 pages. As long as Illinois' numbers stay where they are, I think it's safe to say we will be going back to in-person school. It's just a matter of if we can get every kid there every day, or if we have to do a split schedule. I don't think our classrooms are physically big enough to keep all 18-20 kids 6 feet apart, so...I'm guessing it'll be a split schedule. The one clear message from the ISBE guidelines is that everyone has to stay six feet apart and wear masks all day. They also helpfully shared that teachers should be prepared for kids that have forgotten how to interact with anyone other than their parents and who have been having unlimited screen time and who might be feeling anxiety about the world and who have lost skills from the year before that they need to make up and who need to dive right back into grade level standards this year in order to prevent compounded loss and who will need time to socially and emotionally readjust and who shouldn't leave their classrooms at all during the day and who need outside recess and who can't play any games or use playground equipment at recess and who might be germ-carrying disease vectors and and and and and. It was super helpful. Do the impossible, teachers! And be prepared for EVERYONE to be unhappy with the way you do it!”
“I’ve been at my job long enough where I can kinda skate by while handing the toddler back and forth with my husband. I am not winning any medals at work but I’m also not losing it at my boss who doesn’t really Get It. It certainly feels like it would be easier to quit or take leave but I feel a real anger around that, ‘cause why is it always the moms who have to take on everything? So I guess I’m still working out of spite for the patriarchy.”
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One witchy thing
You had me at She-lon Musk 😊