The natural woman

She's content and she doesn't need anything and she ovulates like a champ

I’m working on a freelance project about women’s health which has been a gratifying gig because I have gotten to try to push my own agenda about things I think are not always accurately conveyed about women’s health.

It doesn’t always take, but for instance, I suggested an excision of language that suggests that unmedicated childbirth “may” be challenging (instead of “is,” full stop.) In another one, I took out the suggestion that a good reason to go off birth control is to experience your period “naturally.”

Obviously, hormones aren’t meant or needed by everyone but this specific topic of falling for a random goal of “naturally” ovulating (while not trying to get pregnant) is something that a few people I know have admitted to, myself included. We learned the hard way that it was a not-optimal path we had previously assumed was a benign one. Because “natural.”

I had a bad experience going back on birth control (ortho tri-cyclen) after I had my first son. I switched to another brand in the time between my two pregnancies, but then after my husband’s vasectomy was confirmed,* my fertility freedom felt so hard won I was glad not to take birth control. One less thing to worry about, one less thing to pay for. I’d track my period, and that would be useful primarily in telling me why I was probably so fucking mad some days.

But before long my night sweats were “naturally” disrupting my life. Finally, I learned about perimenopause via Heather Corinna and saw what a low-dose birth control pill can do for you even if you don’t need it to avoid getting pregnant. (This was when I was humbled to realize that IUDs also can deliver that hormonal relief and aren’t just because your mean husband makes you have sex and refuses to get a vasectomy, as I had sort of assumed.)

I had coffee with a fellow witch this summer who also talked about how much going on a low dose birth control has helped her despite also, feeling for awhile, for some reason, that it was best to be ‘naturally’ in touch with her cycles. Like me, she wasn’t sure where she got that idea. I’m pretty sure we both used the word “natural” in air quotes because I don’t think either of us think of ourselves as terribly “natural” people otherwise—I use a clinical strength deodorant, aerosol SPF in the summer, and apply lots of chemicals to my face every day.

Then another pal, with multiple kids, told me about an extremely rough time she had had mentally and emotionally earlier in the year. What really helped her—medication. “For a long time I tried to fix things holistically,” she told me. “That didn’t work.” Again, this is not someone you might think of as a “holistic” person. Gluten-free, yes, holistic, no.

It’s well known of course that three examples = a trend. If that was us, that must mean there are a lot of other women, too, who always finish their rounds of antibiotics and who take their antidepressant at the same time every day but feel in a vague way it is better not to be on birth control. Not because birth control wasn’t agreeing with them. But because it seemed preferable to have a cycle run by their own body than by some medication.

For some, cycling freely until menopause truly is the way, but not for everyone. Yet I see a lot of language around the positive aspects of being “in touch with yourself” and doing things “naturally” as subtly shading those who don’t. My cycle is a beautiful porcelain egg. Yours is a tablespoon of Egg Beaters in an old reused plastic Tupperware.

It reminds me a bit of the new mom stuff. Do you need an epidural or can you do it naturally? Are you formula feeding or making food with your body? Are you using a battery-operated swing or can you naturally suss what your baby needs through its different cries? It’s maternal instinct, but your babies are your eggs. A bit of the writing around coming off hormonal b.c. seems akin to the Tin Man discovering he has a heart after all.

The fact is that for a lot of us, our beautiful natural long-haired barefoot hormones can turn on us like a bitch and we need help. But I think too many of us hang on because we assume it’s still better to have this naturally shitty relationship than to ask for relief.

Why do intelligent women who accept other forms of medical intervention, for themselves or for loved ones, think that it is somehow preferable for them to go without, to know themselves and magically be well because of that? I’ll give you a hint: it’s the same reason why in a future issue I will discuss why so many moms decide it’s fine just to pee their pants a little sometimes rather than seek a pelvic floor therapist. It’s the same reason why everyone still feels so surprised after first-time childbirth. It’s the same reason why everyone can tell the difference between a penis and testicles but not a vagina and a vulva. The medical establishment hasn’t bothered getting to know how we work so we might as well just do it ourselves. (Except we can’t always do it ourselves.)

Like I said, there are super good reasons for not being on hormones or for trying to get a sense of what your period is like without them. But more women who are done having kids in particular need to get wise to not putting up with feeling bad the “natural” way and feeling much better the “unnatural” way.

*If you are a man reading this and you’ve had a vasectomy but you haven’t finished getting your spermies tested you need to wrap that up today. TODAY.

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End Credits

Thanks for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. Hi to you new people! If you haven’t yet, I hope you consider becoming a paid subscriber which gets you bonus content and helpful/honest/distracting fun members-only threads and supports this unsponsored, ad-free work. There is no in person school next week so Evil Witches is also going on Thanksgiving break although I can see myself throwing out a little subscriber-only thread to check in on how everyone is doing and see which bodies need to be dragged to the yard. If you want to be a paid subscriber and you’re not yet here’s a li’l discount code that expires 11/23 if you want to try us out:

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Question for readers for a possible issue: Have you ever sought help from a parenting coach? Was it helpful? I only just learned this resource existed and would love to hear from people who tried it. I may ask you if I can run your story anonymously in a future issue.

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One witchy thing