Yes, more tears

more. MORE!

Introducing Yes, More Tears, from the makers of No More Tears shampoo. Yes, More Tears is the perfect eye-irritating children’s shampoo for times like:

  • …your child implies or outright tells you to stop talking when you’re telling them something they need to know.

  • …when your kid starts dancing and swaying in front of the sleeping dog, who, minutes later, becomes a worked-up, biting dog.

  • …your kid says something bitchy right out of the gate, like “What’s that smell?” at dinnertime.

  • …your child screams in outrage after you gently pour a small pitcher of slightly warm water on its scalp, trying to avoid the eyes.

  • …your tween who won’t get out of bed yells at you for staying in her room to ensure that she eat breakfast and tune into school on time.

  • …your kid says “no thanks” when you ask them to help you out with something.

  • …you’re working closely with your child, trying to help them with a difficult school thing even though you have your own shit to deal with, and they tell you your breath stinks.

  • …you just really need to cry but you’re too broken to connect your thoughts and feelings and physical expressions of emotion.

  • …you’re doing bedtime after doing everything and your kid says “I wish Daddy was putting me to bed.”

  • …your kid gave you shit all day about the school’s bad Zoom connection and treated you like the world’s dumbest I.T. drone even though you have a PhD.

  • …your spouse can’t find the grownup shampoo and the last thing they said to you was something rude that was supposed to be a joke that you apparently just didn’t get.

  • …you started bedtime at 7 PM and it is now 9:45 PM.

  • …when it’s just the last fucking straw and someone in your house needs to feel a tenth of your pain,

    Jurassic Park Pain GIF

End credits

Thanks for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. If you're interested in possibly submitting or have any general questions just shoot us an email. If you know someone who'd like this sort of thing in their inbox about once or twice a week, please spread the word. You can follow us via Instagram or Twitter. If you want to support this work and get some extra content and (*~new!~*) access to subscriber-only discussion threads, please become a paid subscriber, a mere $30 a year because I know you like a nice easy impulse buy:

One witchy thing

Water Sun GIF