Thank you for sharing this. I feel like not enough people talk about the odd position of this role. I'm not quite a stepparent but I do live with my partner and his teenaged kids (he has 50% custody) and it can be a real mindfuck of like, "what is my role even? do I HAVE one?!" Reading these comments was very validating and comforting.
100% to adding an avocado to a bagged salad! I also like to roast chickpeas in the air fryer and throw them in. A nice way to pump up a pre-made salad.
Also, loved all the stepmom content that came before the bagged salad comment : )
Um wow. Just thank you ❤️ this was support and validation I didn't even know I needed. Stepmom to a 7, 11, and 17 year old for the last 2 years..
the youngest the other day asked if I was "babysitting" them and I just wanted to turn into a puddle so he could stomp on me more effectively. ALSO, the thing about JUST LETTING DAD PARENT is something I wish I did from the get-go so I didn't have to undo all the ridiculous expectations of my role that I gave us in the beginning 😥
It's a wild fucking THANKLESS ride and I so appreciate hearing other perspectives and experiences 😌😌😌
I LOVE reading about how others experience a shared reality but in their own way. My heart goes out to the challenges of stepparents. Woof, parenting isn’t easy on a good day but adding in relationship complexities and it’s a whole other ball game! Thank you for sharing this perspective.
I love this a lot. Stepmoms are underrated. One of my best and oldest friends married a man with 4 kids (and he had custody… in Germany… which tells you a lot about the ex-wife). Three were out of the house already, but she took on a shy and withdrawn 13-year-old boy.
(now that I am in the throes of Life With Teenaged Boyman, my respect for her has increased exponentially!)
Anyway. She has wisely preferred horses, dogs, and cats to biological children. Stepson is now 27, completed university, has good job.
I am the JD Vance trifecta: a childless cat (and dog, horse, chicken(s), goat(s) and tortoise) step mom who has a rad stepmother who is herself a childless cat lady. I had the fortune of inheriting adult step children with whom I get along swimmingly though, helping raise someone else's minor children seems incredibly intimidating. Kudos to these witches!
When my total crap ex-husband left for his affair partner, I had several people sit down and tell me very firy that the best-case scenario here is if that woman eventually loved my children, because it's good to have a lot of people who love your kids. Right?
She could have cared less, continues to care less, and I've yet to speak to her or even see her in person after four years. (Her choice).
While I pretty much have a low bar for people, generally, any of you stepmothers who do the following are pretty much tops in my book: attend graduation, watch the school play, see a kid play soccer (poorly), include the step kids in your family vacation, or NOT wait until your newborn is three months old to introduce it to your step kids.
I am a stepmother and my mother was also a stepmother, but I can say that front-row seat only somewhat contextualized my own experience, which started as a girlfriend to a man with an eight-year old who's now an adult. I would have loved a community like this, and found it hard to get any practical advice. Therapy helped--so has time? My mother has always said that that the thing that really turned the wheel for her and my older half sister was when she married a man with kids and became a stepmom herself. And it was very very hard. Consistency, friendliness, noting their preferences (food, stuff), being on "their side" as cited is often the best you can do... I still do it. But trying too hard: skull emoji. Take all the tiny wins you can at any age (they ate that thing you made! They liked the thing you bought because you thought they'd like it!) I would say also that the relationship you are trying to build with them may not feel linear, but it is cumulative. At least, I believe it is.
I know not every stepmother is a good stepmother but the kids of the stepmoms in this community are lucky to have an additional caring person in their lives.
And, oblig, you all are not the stepmothers you're the mothers who stepped up
My biological mom was pretty out of the picture and my step-mom is just basically my mom. She got my brother and me when we were 4 and 6, and just immediately took us in as her own. She always wanted kids but due to some genetic stuff, decided to never have them biologically. When my dad wanted to propose, all three of us got down on one knee. When I was 10, she legally adopted us. I would be nothing without my “step” mom. If you’re doing it right, those women are heroes.
I am not a stepmother, but my widowed dad started dating someone about 6 months ago, and boy do I want to say stepmoms are great and I appreciate her (they’re not going to marry but they are moving in together) so much. Here’s to stepmoms from a grown (sort-of) stepkid!
I call myself a cat lady with kids- my husband’s aunt is a childfree cat lady! She watched my cats when we were at the beach and it’s always nice to have someone care about your pets!
I am allergic to cats and am offended that Vance thinks we dog moms are somehow less capable of being crazy about our pets as cat ladies. I sometimes wrap up the dog in a blanket and present him to the my children saying “You have a new baby brother.” Come on, we can be weirdos too!
That is very sweet and we have a lot of dog ladies in my family too! We are those people who refer to the cats as our kids’ brother and sister and I try to include them in as many family pics as possible. My husband had a senior cat when I started dating him who died at age 19 when our oldest was 1. We adopted our current cats last October and they turned 1 a few weeks ago and we had a small family party for them- my 7 yo’s best friend’s family fostered the cats so they came over too.
Thank you for sharing this. I feel like not enough people talk about the odd position of this role. I'm not quite a stepparent but I do live with my partner and his teenaged kids (he has 50% custody) and it can be a real mindfuck of like, "what is my role even? do I HAVE one?!" Reading these comments was very validating and comforting.
Good, I’m glad Jill! I am glad to know more about how hard the step-parent role is myself. Wishing you the best.
100% to adding an avocado to a bagged salad! I also like to roast chickpeas in the air fryer and throw them in. A nice way to pump up a pre-made salad.
Also, loved all the stepmom content that came before the bagged salad comment : )
I have an avocado ripening right now in the fruit owl and I’m gonna eat that whole bitch on top of my SW salad today. Big plans!
Um wow. Just thank you ❤️ this was support and validation I didn't even know I needed. Stepmom to a 7, 11, and 17 year old for the last 2 years..
the youngest the other day asked if I was "babysitting" them and I just wanted to turn into a puddle so he could stomp on me more effectively. ALSO, the thing about JUST LETTING DAD PARENT is something I wish I did from the get-go so I didn't have to undo all the ridiculous expectations of my role that I gave us in the beginning 😥
It's a wild fucking THANKLESS ride and I so appreciate hearing other perspectives and experiences 😌😌😌
🫡 this is for you Chandra. I’m glad this was helpful to someone.
I LOVE reading about how others experience a shared reality but in their own way. My heart goes out to the challenges of stepparents. Woof, parenting isn’t easy on a good day but adding in relationship complexities and it’s a whole other ball game! Thank you for sharing this perspective.
I love this a lot. Stepmoms are underrated. One of my best and oldest friends married a man with 4 kids (and he had custody… in Germany… which tells you a lot about the ex-wife). Three were out of the house already, but she took on a shy and withdrawn 13-year-old boy.
(now that I am in the throes of Life With Teenaged Boyman, my respect for her has increased exponentially!)
Anyway. She has wisely preferred horses, dogs, and cats to biological children. Stepson is now 27, completed university, has good job.
Reader: she legally adopted stepson last year!
I am the JD Vance trifecta: a childless cat (and dog, horse, chicken(s), goat(s) and tortoise) step mom who has a rad stepmother who is herself a childless cat lady. I had the fortune of inheriting adult step children with whom I get along swimmingly though, helping raise someone else's minor children seems incredibly intimidating. Kudos to these witches!
Kudos back at you! 😻
When my total crap ex-husband left for his affair partner, I had several people sit down and tell me very firy that the best-case scenario here is if that woman eventually loved my children, because it's good to have a lot of people who love your kids. Right?
She could have cared less, continues to care less, and I've yet to speak to her or even see her in person after four years. (Her choice).
While I pretty much have a low bar for people, generally, any of you stepmothers who do the following are pretty much tops in my book: attend graduation, watch the school play, see a kid play soccer (poorly), include the step kids in your family vacation, or NOT wait until your newborn is three months old to introduce it to your step kids.
Tell me very firmly, not "firy," weirdo.
I’m not surprised based on everything I know about him that he picked someone ass
She also looks like a thumb ... but the rest of these step-moms on this thread are verified smokeshows!
I am a stepmother and my mother was also a stepmother, but I can say that front-row seat only somewhat contextualized my own experience, which started as a girlfriend to a man with an eight-year old who's now an adult. I would have loved a community like this, and found it hard to get any practical advice. Therapy helped--so has time? My mother has always said that that the thing that really turned the wheel for her and my older half sister was when she married a man with kids and became a stepmom herself. And it was very very hard. Consistency, friendliness, noting their preferences (food, stuff), being on "their side" as cited is often the best you can do... I still do it. But trying too hard: skull emoji. Take all the tiny wins you can at any age (they ate that thing you made! They liked the thing you bought because you thought they'd like it!) I would say also that the relationship you are trying to build with them may not feel linear, but it is cumulative. At least, I believe it is.
I know not every stepmother is a good stepmother but the kids of the stepmoms in this community are lucky to have an additional caring person in their lives.
And, oblig, you all are not the stepmothers you're the mothers who stepped up
My biological mom was pretty out of the picture and my step-mom is just basically my mom. She got my brother and me when we were 4 and 6, and just immediately took us in as her own. She always wanted kids but due to some genetic stuff, decided to never have them biologically. When my dad wanted to propose, all three of us got down on one knee. When I was 10, she legally adopted us. I would be nothing without my “step” mom. If you’re doing it right, those women are heroes.
I am not a stepmother, but my widowed dad started dating someone about 6 months ago, and boy do I want to say stepmoms are great and I appreciate her (they’re not going to marry but they are moving in together) so much. Here’s to stepmoms from a grown (sort-of) stepkid!
I call myself a cat lady with kids- my husband’s aunt is a childfree cat lady! She watched my cats when we were at the beach and it’s always nice to have someone care about your pets!
I am allergic to cats and am offended that Vance thinks we dog moms are somehow less capable of being crazy about our pets as cat ladies. I sometimes wrap up the dog in a blanket and present him to the my children saying “You have a new baby brother.” Come on, we can be weirdos too!
That is very sweet and we have a lot of dog ladies in my family too! We are those people who refer to the cats as our kids’ brother and sister and I try to include them in as many family pics as possible. My husband had a senior cat when I started dating him who died at age 19 when our oldest was 1. We adopted our current cats last October and they turned 1 a few weeks ago and we had a small family party for them- my 7 yo’s best friend’s family fostered the cats so they came over too.