When that family member at Christmas complains about the WAR ON CHRISTMAS send them this newsletter and say “You’re right, Dad, there is” and that can be your gift to him, that validation.
A witch wrote in:
My family is decorating for Christmas and I am just a Jew who is over it. I’m expected to make today festive and exciting for a holiday I really don’t want to celebrate. Interfaith witches, any suggestions to make me less Grinchy?
Interfaith witches spoke!
“Jew married to a Catholic. We mostly do Chanukah at our house but we did go over to my husband’s dad’s house and helped him decorate, and my kids enjoyed being able to do that. I am grateful not to be the one in charge but just along for the ride. At our house though we started putting up blue lights and I love them. Of course my kids want other colors and I’m like, ‘Nah.’”
“My husband's family is Swedish, and I have observed that the Nordic peoples barely bother trying to be Christian when it comes to Christmas, so my household is just full-on Yule now. My favorite seasonal ornament is a wooden candelabra that's two tomten (elves) riding in a dragon ship.”
“I’m Jewish, and the only time I feel I get the Christmas of my fantasies is at this Swedish julbord we go to. I guess I grew up idealizing an image of the holiday that’s not even American.”
“Make up your own traditions for this time of year. I hated Christmas for so long and now I really enjoy it. I think it’s because we finally stopped trying to do the things we should do and started making up our own traditions. Until my son was born, we watched the Big Lebowski every Black Friday and drank White Russians. I enjoy the lights because it’s dark AF by 4 pm so I light candles every night. I don’t really have good interfaith suggestions, but think you can make up some non-religious family traditions based on what you enjoy.”
“That Frozen short from the beginning of Coco is all about making your own traditions. They know modern parents have anxiety about this. (And their solution is to buy more plastic Frozen crap, of course!)”
“I have no suggestions, only solidarity. I mean, I told my kid Santa wasn't real, obviously I am not really doing this right.”
“I converted to Judaism so we do NOT do any Christmas at all in my house. Except sometimes I get a little heartbroken and miss it, at the same time that I am SO ANNOYED that everything single thing everywhere is all Christmasy. Make some Rugelach instead of Christmas cookies. Smitten Kitchen’s recipe is easy and delicious.”
“I make hamantaschen filled with mincemeat for our holiday party.”
“You could have fun reminding everyone that Christmas is really just a cooptation of Saturnalia and Yule, an attempt to take preexisting pagan holidays that people wouldn't give up and be like ‘Um, you can keep celebrating that because guess what, it's, uh, Jesus' birthday!’ Christmas trees were originally shrines to Odin. That always freaks the Christians out.”
“Not an interfaith witch but an overwhelmed mom who lives in a shitty house in a shitty town where I am often far more Scrooge that I ever thought I would be. Here's the thing—the more I refuse to do, the more my husband starts doing. And the more the kids start doing. And sometimes it turns out so unexpectedly and creatively well that I actually find there is joy to be had because I'm not so overwhelmed with all the burdens being on me. Friend, this is ‘my’ holiday and many years I am just not into it. It's not even your holiday and I don't think you should have to bring the magic for it. Put that all onto the other parent! Wanna be less Grinchy? Get the heck out of there! Alternatively, lock yourself in a room alone and watch Love Actually. That's my silver bullet for killing the pre-Christmas funk. But even I am annoyed that every single thing everywhere is all Christmasy. Remember: that's not Christmas, that's COMMERCIALISM, America's true religion.”
End credits
I hope you enjoyed today’s issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for evil witches. Somehow winter break is HERE but the actual holidays are like a week away. We’ll send out some stuff next week for you to hide in the bathroom and read but you’ll get more if you become a paying subscriber:
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