I just take it at face value and say “thank you - they are great kids.” It never even occurred to me that the intent was anything other than to connect/provide support and validation in a society that doesn’t have enough of that.
I also came here to say that I always take it at face value. I might say something slightly demurring and humble but in my head I'm like "Thank you! Yes, I am crushing it. I'm glad someone noticed!"
I agree, I would actually appreciate that (it feels like an acknowledgment of the reality of it being hard to be so patient!) instead of the “it goes so fast” bs comments.
I agree. I sometimes think that people have less skill than good intention on how to connect with another person. I take that stuff as "I see you + I'm not such a dummy as to offer you advice" and move on. It's really hard to balance having our kids out in the world without some small-to-massive amount of friction.
Also, and this gets into Mother Wound, by Bethany Webster (great book) territory that sometimes what these (usually women) are saying is "I wish I'd had the option/gumption/social support to relate to my kids/parent role the way you are."
Whenever I see someone else's kid melting down my thought is, "thank god it's not/wasn't just me."
My MIL and husband’s aunt recently gave me a pep talk that felt more like commiseration than this comment—they were more like “This is a hard season and there are times it feels like you want to give up but continuing to try to find these good moments with your kids will help you keep going.” And I think the difference is when it’s people you’re in community with and who are supporting you as a parent that feels a lot different than people who seem to be implying your kids are just the worst.
And I get complimented on my patience too but I tell my friends especially that I’m a better mom when I’m with them and not isolated at home getting triggered!
And seeing that they both have 3 kids who still prioritize spending time with them as adults and have always welcomed the people who have married into the family and loved our kids and respected our parenting goes a long way too!
When I see people with nutty kids in public, I stick my tongue out at the kids when the parent isn't looking. It often startles them into behaving or even just stopping their behaviour for a second, but if their parent were to look back at me, nothing happened. Gaslighting for good.
I hate a complineg, but I freaking love a complement that comes from a commiseration. My favorite witch in the wild story was the woman while watching my children beat the ever living crap out of each other at the Boston airport said "I don't miss having small children at all." I almost followed her home. That is the magic of the witches! If we all start at the baseline of knowing we all love our children and are doing our best, we can commiserate at the absurdity of it all.
As I chase a chaos muppet through my in-laws non-childproofed houses, “oh you’re such a good mom, but you should just relax! There are so many people here to watch him!” Because his 22 year old cousins are definitely going to put down the beer and keep him away from the 175,000 glass tchotchkes my husband’s family for some reason covers every surface with. I just want to scream because all I WANT to do (aside from not go at all) is give my kid a screen and headphones and let him chill. But THAT type of relaxing (actual and not performative) is not an option
oh god I couldn't stand that kind of feedback. I always got it while I was at someone else's house too where if you actually do 'relax' and truly ignore your kid it will end in tears/something broken/someone mad
Ah yes, people at certain family gathering used to tell me that. And then when I went to get something to eat, my kid would do something and then they would all look to me to correct the situation. When it comes to communal "help" everyone overestimates their abiliities.
This resonates so hard! Sometimes in situations like that I feel like I’m performing as a mom that doesn’t want their kid to break the breakable things people put in said kid’s reach, but actually all I want is to let them go wild and show the host that they should fucking childproof before we show up.
A former coworker took her kid to visit her parents, who collect important folk art (i.e., that is colorful and could be confused with say - paper maché). Visiting them, she was at a loss what to do with her toddler. She took him to Buy Buy Baby and let him test out the floor model equipment.
I love that your newsletter is called evil witches. My mom always said she and my sister and I have witchy powers and your title makes me think of her. She passed away 2.5 years ago. She also believed in ghosts but if they existed I assume she would be haunting me so jury's still out on that. Also, for general witch enthusiasts, I am reading The Once and Future Witches by Alix Harrow and, while it's long and a bit *much* at times, there are some gems about women's power in there. My favorite is about why the witches set their meeting time for 9 o'clock: "... because nine o’clock is a woman’s hour. The dinners have been served and the dishes dried and stacked, the children tucked into bed, the whiskies poured and served to the husbands. It’s the hour where a woman might sit in stillness, scheming and dreaming.” YES
I categorize complinegs (awesome word, btw) like these with something I get a lot as a chronically ill person. People like to tell me "oh I don't know how you do it", or "wow I couldn't handle that, you're so strong!", etc etc
And like... Well, thanks for acknowledging this is hard, I guess, but also, do I really have a better choice here? Really? Like are you praising me for making the least shitty of my choices? Is that really what you're doing here? Because that's what it sounds like.
Ultimately I think these comments misguided/misaimed empathy, and sometimes do reveal a lot about the person saying them - unintentionally or not. There's probably some crap in there about how we are all socialized out of direct sincerity and shit too. I still don't like complinegs.
Personally I would much rather the nod of commiseration, and then they go pester people in power to make living easier for all of us, but, you know, I'm a witch like that.
If you are in an...uncommon(?) parenting situation, it's a special level of Hell. My former student's mom would always get ,"Oh, double trouble", when she was observed carting around her identical twin boys (Her response would be "Double Blessing.). My friend who is the parent of a disabled child constantly gets the admire/pity looks. I get "I'm sorry, but she's so..(insert "normal" characteristic) when people find out my child is Autistic. I know people mean well, and I remind myself that the sentiment comes from a place of empathy and caring, but that doesn't mean that these comments can make one feel like a character in someone's "Inspiration Porn".
My MIL is the queen of these comments. When my first was just a year old we were visiting them and I specifically set up an outing for the three of us, to give her some time with him in a supported way: a stroller walk along little paved pathway that followed the river. My kid, being 1, spent a lot of time getting out of the stroller and walking for a bit, then getting back into it, which, like, kind of par for the course with a 1-year old. My MIL is a super slow walker herself so it’s not like we were going for speed here. She made this big show of talking “to him” aka to me, and being like, “you’re SO LUCKY to have a mommy who is SO PATIENT with you and lets you get out and walk when you want to, then get back in and rest!!” but like, in this voice that made it clear this was not a compliment. The voice said, “I never would have put up with this bullshit.” But like…this wasn’t a walk for transportation? We weren’t running errands. We were killing time. It’s not like we were trying to hit some goal point – we had like 90 minutes, and as far as I was concerned, we’d walk as far as we got in 45 minutes and then turn back around. Like why NOT let my kid do half the walking on his own? I’m supposed to force him to stay in the stroller, screaming mad about it, because “fuck this shit”? Thanks but no thanks.
That kid is 10 now and I still get those comments from her, basically nonstop. Those early ones took me by surprise but now I barely even hear them. It pisses me off that they often go through my kids, like she will say these things “to the kids” about how “nice” I am or how patient etc but is obviously saying it for me to overhear. It’s some real bullshit.
She lives in an apartment building and is SUPER EXTRA about not “bothering” her neighbors, like she will not run her dishwasher at night “in case the sound of the water bothers other people in the building” like I’m sorry but that’s not a thing. Anyway that basically means that my kids aren’t allowed to walk around, because of course they are just all heels all the time. My kids are outrageously high-energy and so any time we are at her place there are 8 million comments about “loud noises clearly don’t bother mommy but they do bother other people and we have to think of my neighbors” like LOL YES THEY SURE AS FUCK DO BOTHER ME, oh, did you think my kids are loud because I just don’t mind it? I promise you, their chaos has absolutely nothing at all to do with me “allowing” it. They knocked the block tower over and it fell on the floor. It's going to happen if they are playing with blocks. It's going to make a noise. It's also 11 in the morning. Then, when I take them out to a playground, it’s, “You’re very lucky boys, to have a mother who spends her days taking you fun places instead of just making you keep yourselves busy at home!! Most parents are too busy to take their kids to playgrounds all the time.” Lady. If we cannot leave the apartment without it being an insult (I TOOK OFF WORK FOR THIS, what do you think I am supposed to be “busy” doing), and my kids cannot even play video games because their occasional bursts of cheering are too loud, then we just plain aren’t coming. And so we haven’t been there in three years! Oh well. (She now comes to our house instead, where she can continue making her comments about how nice and patient I am, but where I at least don’t need to deal with her bringing her poor beleaguered neighbors into it and pretending oh, it isn’t HER who is bothered, it’s THEM!)
OH GOD OH GOD. Nothing triggers me more than noise complaints. I can still barely bring myself to smile at the neighbor who rang out doorbell when our kids were *on the sidewalk playing at 4:00 pm on a Sunday* to tell my husband that she "knows we need a break" but our kids were being really loud and she was trying to nap and could we please quiet them down. MA'AM!!!
Wow, her behavior would really challenge any intention I had about being neighborly! It could perhaps spark a henceforth undiscovered zest for leaf blowing (which I personally detest, but desperate times. . . )
A year ago we were on a small 4hr road trip to see my in-laws during an emotionally fraught time and we stopped to do some shopping. I spent the hour playing hide and seek with my 1.7 year old in the clothing racks and when we went to check out, the sales lady beamed at me and said "You take such pleasure in him!" I have held that comment like a glowing gem, to be taken out when things are hard. When I talk to other parents, I try to channel that energy - a true compliment with a dose of wonder.
The compliment that I hold closest to my heart came at me when I was in a bathroom stall with my potty-training daughter, and I heard from the stall next door, “You have such a kind and gentle voice,” said with such wonder. Lady. I wanted to scream that my kid needed to poop, so thank you for hearing me.
I don’t know why more people don’t know that you can just complineg (or just neg!) people to your spouse on the way home in the car. That way you get the satisfaction about being smug or whatever and you didn’t actually say something unhelpful to someone who now thinks you are annoying. One weird tip to save a life!
That's one good thing about being married. The gossip. When my husband texts me "remind me to tell you about so and so" i'm like oh yeah here comes the tea
Driving home from a recent extended family thing, a complineg I made about someone to my spouse was, "I can GUARANTEE you they aren't driving home analyzing the party. For them, it's over." I couldn't imagine driving home without this option.
I love the name, and this phrase in the about page: “Witches agree over a sense of “nobody told me” about motherhood. Or that something about the whole gig was lied about or covered up or elided. Something nefarious, and we’re mad about it.” is what got me to subscribe. I think women who are witchy are ones who are always a little suspicious about how society does things and so it all adds up for me.
I used to take my kids to church by myself (husband agnostic but was raised in a church and agreed it was a good idea for the kids to have that foundation. Plus it was the way we survived weekends—he took them to the library on Saturday mornings and I did church on Sundays so we each had some alone time.)
My kids are boys and 2 years apart in age so it definitely was not a spiritual experience in the early years. I remember once when they reached a more stable age (maybe 8&6?) an elderly lady approached me after Mass to say “your boys were so well behaved today!” And I had about 1.2 seconds to bask in this hard fought victory before she added “I remember when that wasn’t always the case.” 😐 I had no ability to form words in response. Just nodded and walked out.
I really hate it when older people start in with that hole. The days are long but the years are short thing. No. They are all long. I've been a parent for 472 years.
Yes! I hated that comment too. I have a 2 year old and a fifteen year old. And when I am out alone with the two year old people are always like, “ savor it - it goes by fast!” And it makes me want to punch them.
This might not quite be a complineg but when my toddler was a baby and I had her in the carrier and our dog on a walk, people were always like "you've got your hands full there! *derisive tone*"
When my husband had the same setup, literally people would be like: "You're superdad!" Every time. Ridiculous.
Oh my god, my husband always points out how people are so weird with me and are so nice with him when it comes to kids. The other day we were all on a walk and an older man yelled at me for having my 2 year old "out of control" on a strider bike. My husband popped around the corner and asked "Is there a problem?" and the older man shrugged and said, "Oh! I was just worried the might fall but it looks like it's all in hand." What?!
I just take it at face value and say “thank you - they are great kids.” It never even occurred to me that the intent was anything other than to connect/provide support and validation in a society that doesn’t have enough of that.
I also came here to say that I always take it at face value. I might say something slightly demurring and humble but in my head I'm like "Thank you! Yes, I am crushing it. I'm glad someone noticed!"
ha! Please say that out loud next time especially if there is another mom in earshot who needs to hear you say it
Haha yes this how I feel too!
Same! I don’t hear it as a neg. Or I’ll say “I do my best to be patient - it’s important to me.” Or something.
I agree, I would actually appreciate that (it feels like an acknowledgment of the reality of it being hard to be so patient!) instead of the “it goes so fast” bs comments.
you're right, those are the wooorst
I agree. I sometimes think that people have less skill than good intention on how to connect with another person. I take that stuff as "I see you + I'm not such a dummy as to offer you advice" and move on. It's really hard to balance having our kids out in the world without some small-to-massive amount of friction.
Also, and this gets into Mother Wound, by Bethany Webster (great book) territory that sometimes what these (usually women) are saying is "I wish I'd had the option/gumption/social support to relate to my kids/parent role the way you are."
Whenever I see someone else's kid melting down my thought is, "thank god it's not/wasn't just me."
“or ‘I would not have had patience like that when my kids were their age’”
You, smiling,: “Yes, and I’m sure they remember that.”
Oh this is good!!
A GOOD NIGHT FOR SUMMONING ALL OUR POWER
i'm trying but i also put on these witchy stick on nails that make typing and summoning HARD
My MIL and husband’s aunt recently gave me a pep talk that felt more like commiseration than this comment—they were more like “This is a hard season and there are times it feels like you want to give up but continuing to try to find these good moments with your kids will help you keep going.” And I think the difference is when it’s people you’re in community with and who are supporting you as a parent that feels a lot different than people who seem to be implying your kids are just the worst.
And I get complimented on my patience too but I tell my friends especially that I’m a better mom when I’m with them and not isolated at home getting triggered!
yes seriously, just hearing "this is a hard time" instead of "this is a special time you just don't see it [bc u suck]" makes such a difference
And seeing that they both have 3 kids who still prioritize spending time with them as adults and have always welcomed the people who have married into the family and loved our kids and respected our parenting goes a long way too!
When I see people with nutty kids in public, I stick my tongue out at the kids when the parent isn't looking. It often startles them into behaving or even just stopping their behaviour for a second, but if their parent were to look back at me, nothing happened. Gaslighting for good.
haha I do that too. I got my eye on you you little booger.
I love this, brilliant.
shall be doing henceforth.
I hate a complineg, but I freaking love a complement that comes from a commiseration. My favorite witch in the wild story was the woman while watching my children beat the ever living crap out of each other at the Boston airport said "I don't miss having small children at all." I almost followed her home. That is the magic of the witches! If we all start at the baseline of knowing we all love our children and are doing our best, we can commiserate at the absurdity of it all.
I know I find myself saying "ooh you are in the thick of it!" now which maybe isn't terribly helpful. "Yeah I know"
As I chase a chaos muppet through my in-laws non-childproofed houses, “oh you’re such a good mom, but you should just relax! There are so many people here to watch him!” Because his 22 year old cousins are definitely going to put down the beer and keep him away from the 175,000 glass tchotchkes my husband’s family for some reason covers every surface with. I just want to scream because all I WANT to do (aside from not go at all) is give my kid a screen and headphones and let him chill. But THAT type of relaxing (actual and not performative) is not an option
oh god I couldn't stand that kind of feedback. I always got it while I was at someone else's house too where if you actually do 'relax' and truly ignore your kid it will end in tears/something broken/someone mad
EXACTLY!
Just indulging in a bit of fantasy - If you relax and your kid breaks something, would they let you leave THEN? ? ? ?
Whoever taught my mother the term (but not the definition) "helicopter parent" has a special place in hell.
Ah yes, people at certain family gathering used to tell me that. And then when I went to get something to eat, my kid would do something and then they would all look to me to correct the situation. When it comes to communal "help" everyone overestimates their abiliities.
This resonates so hard! Sometimes in situations like that I feel like I’m performing as a mom that doesn’t want their kid to break the breakable things people put in said kid’s reach, but actually all I want is to let them go wild and show the host that they should fucking childproof before we show up.
A former coworker took her kid to visit her parents, who collect important folk art (i.e., that is colorful and could be confused with say - paper maché). Visiting them, she was at a loss what to do with her toddler. She took him to Buy Buy Baby and let him test out the floor model equipment.
x10000
I love that your newsletter is called evil witches. My mom always said she and my sister and I have witchy powers and your title makes me think of her. She passed away 2.5 years ago. She also believed in ghosts but if they existed I assume she would be haunting me so jury's still out on that. Also, for general witch enthusiasts, I am reading The Once and Future Witches by Alix Harrow and, while it's long and a bit *much* at times, there are some gems about women's power in there. My favorite is about why the witches set their meeting time for 9 o'clock: "... because nine o’clock is a woman’s hour. The dinners have been served and the dishes dried and stacked, the children tucked into bed, the whiskies poured and served to the husbands. It’s the hour where a woman might sit in stillness, scheming and dreaming.” YES
Oooh yes and I liked that book. Are you watching Agatha All Along? Witchy goodness.
what a sweet memory Becca--I'm flattered this made you think of your witchy mom
I categorize complinegs (awesome word, btw) like these with something I get a lot as a chronically ill person. People like to tell me "oh I don't know how you do it", or "wow I couldn't handle that, you're so strong!", etc etc
And like... Well, thanks for acknowledging this is hard, I guess, but also, do I really have a better choice here? Really? Like are you praising me for making the least shitty of my choices? Is that really what you're doing here? Because that's what it sounds like.
Ultimately I think these comments misguided/misaimed empathy, and sometimes do reveal a lot about the person saying them - unintentionally or not. There's probably some crap in there about how we are all socialized out of direct sincerity and shit too. I still don't like complinegs.
Personally I would much rather the nod of commiseration, and then they go pester people in power to make living easier for all of us, but, you know, I'm a witch like that.
If you are in an...uncommon(?) parenting situation, it's a special level of Hell. My former student's mom would always get ,"Oh, double trouble", when she was observed carting around her identical twin boys (Her response would be "Double Blessing.). My friend who is the parent of a disabled child constantly gets the admire/pity looks. I get "I'm sorry, but she's so..(insert "normal" characteristic) when people find out my child is Autistic. I know people mean well, and I remind myself that the sentiment comes from a place of empathy and caring, but that doesn't mean that these comments can make one feel like a character in someone's "Inspiration Porn".
—> “do I really have a better choice here?”
EXACTLY. What comes to mind is the seniors in my family who say “Never get old.” It seems preferable to the alternative…
I always want to be the knowing wink lady but then sometimes you wink at the person who is like YES CAN I HELP YOU YOU WINKING CREEP??!
My MIL is the queen of these comments. When my first was just a year old we were visiting them and I specifically set up an outing for the three of us, to give her some time with him in a supported way: a stroller walk along little paved pathway that followed the river. My kid, being 1, spent a lot of time getting out of the stroller and walking for a bit, then getting back into it, which, like, kind of par for the course with a 1-year old. My MIL is a super slow walker herself so it’s not like we were going for speed here. She made this big show of talking “to him” aka to me, and being like, “you’re SO LUCKY to have a mommy who is SO PATIENT with you and lets you get out and walk when you want to, then get back in and rest!!” but like, in this voice that made it clear this was not a compliment. The voice said, “I never would have put up with this bullshit.” But like…this wasn’t a walk for transportation? We weren’t running errands. We were killing time. It’s not like we were trying to hit some goal point – we had like 90 minutes, and as far as I was concerned, we’d walk as far as we got in 45 minutes and then turn back around. Like why NOT let my kid do half the walking on his own? I’m supposed to force him to stay in the stroller, screaming mad about it, because “fuck this shit”? Thanks but no thanks.
That kid is 10 now and I still get those comments from her, basically nonstop. Those early ones took me by surprise but now I barely even hear them. It pisses me off that they often go through my kids, like she will say these things “to the kids” about how “nice” I am or how patient etc but is obviously saying it for me to overhear. It’s some real bullshit.
She lives in an apartment building and is SUPER EXTRA about not “bothering” her neighbors, like she will not run her dishwasher at night “in case the sound of the water bothers other people in the building” like I’m sorry but that’s not a thing. Anyway that basically means that my kids aren’t allowed to walk around, because of course they are just all heels all the time. My kids are outrageously high-energy and so any time we are at her place there are 8 million comments about “loud noises clearly don’t bother mommy but they do bother other people and we have to think of my neighbors” like LOL YES THEY SURE AS FUCK DO BOTHER ME, oh, did you think my kids are loud because I just don’t mind it? I promise you, their chaos has absolutely nothing at all to do with me “allowing” it. They knocked the block tower over and it fell on the floor. It's going to happen if they are playing with blocks. It's going to make a noise. It's also 11 in the morning. Then, when I take them out to a playground, it’s, “You’re very lucky boys, to have a mother who spends her days taking you fun places instead of just making you keep yourselves busy at home!! Most parents are too busy to take their kids to playgrounds all the time.” Lady. If we cannot leave the apartment without it being an insult (I TOOK OFF WORK FOR THIS, what do you think I am supposed to be “busy” doing), and my kids cannot even play video games because their occasional bursts of cheering are too loud, then we just plain aren’t coming. And so we haven’t been there in three years! Oh well. (She now comes to our house instead, where she can continue making her comments about how nice and patient I am, but where I at least don’t need to deal with her bringing her poor beleaguered neighbors into it and pretending oh, it isn’t HER who is bothered, it’s THEM!)
“loud noises clearly don’t bother mommy but they do bother other people and we have to think of my neighbors”
just...wow!! In another dimension you'd almost admire the unmitigated bitchery
Way to hold a boundary and not visit her home any longer! Wise choice.
Oh man, people talking to you through your kids is a whole other sort of passive-aggressive HELL.
OH GOD OH GOD. Nothing triggers me more than noise complaints. I can still barely bring myself to smile at the neighbor who rang out doorbell when our kids were *on the sidewalk playing at 4:00 pm on a Sunday* to tell my husband that she "knows we need a break" but our kids were being really loud and she was trying to nap and could we please quiet them down. MA'AM!!!
Wow, her behavior would really challenge any intention I had about being neighborly! It could perhaps spark a henceforth undiscovered zest for leaf blowing (which I personally detest, but desperate times. . . )
😂
A year ago we were on a small 4hr road trip to see my in-laws during an emotionally fraught time and we stopped to do some shopping. I spent the hour playing hide and seek with my 1.7 year old in the clothing racks and when we went to check out, the sales lady beamed at me and said "You take such pleasure in him!" I have held that comment like a glowing gem, to be taken out when things are hard. When I talk to other parents, I try to channel that energy - a true compliment with a dose of wonder.
that is really sweet, what a well turned phrase! I remember the lady at the peds asking me once "May I admire your baby?" and I stole that one.
The compliment that I hold closest to my heart came at me when I was in a bathroom stall with my potty-training daughter, and I heard from the stall next door, “You have such a kind and gentle voice,” said with such wonder. Lady. I wanted to scream that my kid needed to poop, so thank you for hearing me.
That's maybe the best parent-compliment I've ever heard!
I don’t know why more people don’t know that you can just complineg (or just neg!) people to your spouse on the way home in the car. That way you get the satisfaction about being smug or whatever and you didn’t actually say something unhelpful to someone who now thinks you are annoying. One weird tip to save a life!
That's one good thing about being married. The gossip. When my husband texts me "remind me to tell you about so and so" i'm like oh yeah here comes the tea
It is truly a great benefit. As a beneficiary of many such texts, I agree 100%
Driving home from a recent extended family thing, a complineg I made about someone to my spouse was, "I can GUARANTEE you they aren't driving home analyzing the party. For them, it's over." I couldn't imagine driving home without this option.
I love the name, and this phrase in the about page: “Witches agree over a sense of “nobody told me” about motherhood. Or that something about the whole gig was lied about or covered up or elided. Something nefarious, and we’re mad about it.” is what got me to subscribe. I think women who are witchy are ones who are always a little suspicious about how society does things and so it all adds up for me.
Aw thanks Dacy!
I used to take my kids to church by myself (husband agnostic but was raised in a church and agreed it was a good idea for the kids to have that foundation. Plus it was the way we survived weekends—he took them to the library on Saturday mornings and I did church on Sundays so we each had some alone time.)
My kids are boys and 2 years apart in age so it definitely was not a spiritual experience in the early years. I remember once when they reached a more stable age (maybe 8&6?) an elderly lady approached me after Mass to say “your boys were so well behaved today!” And I had about 1.2 seconds to bask in this hard fought victory before she added “I remember when that wasn’t always the case.” 😐 I had no ability to form words in response. Just nodded and walked out.
gasp!!! the world's rudest "today." she should have thanked you for giving her something interesting to look at during mass.
I really hate it when older people start in with that hole. The days are long but the years are short thing. No. They are all long. I've been a parent for 472 years.
Jesus. "Whole," not "hole."
Yes! I hated that comment too. I have a 2 year old and a fifteen year old. And when I am out alone with the two year old people are always like, “ savor it - it goes by fast!” And it makes me want to punch them.
This might not quite be a complineg but when my toddler was a baby and I had her in the carrier and our dog on a walk, people were always like "you've got your hands full there! *derisive tone*"
When my husband had the same setup, literally people would be like: "You're superdad!" Every time. Ridiculous.
Oh my god, my husband always points out how people are so weird with me and are so nice with him when it comes to kids. The other day we were all on a walk and an older man yelled at me for having my 2 year old "out of control" on a strider bike. My husband popped around the corner and asked "Is there a problem?" and the older man shrugged and said, "Oh! I was just worried the might fall but it looks like it's all in hand." What?!
I shit you not that I wrote my PhD thesis on this topic.