While this article didn't deal with the social issues of ADHD, I think that might be worth a future article. We had several situations that the school acted quickly and appropriately around bullying, but some times you just had to suck it up and move forward.
Love that we get to talk about this in this space and really value the conversation. As a parent of a child with ADHD (as a piece of a global developmental disability) and as a therapist I wanted to say 2 things
1- it’s been a very stressful 2 years for all of us and kids are no exception so if your kid’s symptoms got “worse” remember this great way of looking at it that one of my colleagues said “anxiety is a bird looking for a branch to land on”. In other words helping kids bring general stress level down and expecting it to take a few stable months before they return to their baseline. For all kids (not just ones with ADHD) the best way to bring stress level down is through predictability, consistency, and routines. For our kids and their parents (happy parents=happy kids)
2 we try to use the language “kid with adhd” vs “adhd kid” because the former makes it something a person deals with vs labeling the person as the issue. Although it’s ok to be a little messy here and I love that about this forum so mess away but wanted to mention it in case it is helpful for anyone.
Thanks, I appreciate this! I've learned some new things about nomenclature personally as I've been learning more about this and am glad when folks clue me in.
Not a big deal at all but sometimes helps remember there is a whole person and the neurodiverse part is just a part. Or as you said somewhere else “a feature not a bug”. I have ADHD myself and like to explain it as my superpower... nobody else can go into a rabbit hole as deep as I can 😂 I can also half-do about 100 projects a day!! 🥴
Just want to also flag that many of us disabled and neurodivergent folks prefer the adjective instead of the person-first language. There’s no one right answer.
My ADHD is on full display here but let me add a last (hopefully) note which is, nutrition (unfortunately) has a huge impact on symptoms and I can handle no meds if I am eating lots of fruits and veggies everyday. Since I don’t have the attention span to complete this task most days I blend them all up and chug a green smoothie at some point and that has been a lifesaver. Harder to get veggies into my kids but I do keep at it and some days I succeed and some I don’t!
I read all these stories and felt SO SEEN. My son (8, 3rd grade) was diagnosed and started meds about a year ago. Meds help him a LOT at school but he can be a nightmare before they kick in and after they wear off. Complete time blindness makes mornings SO stressful and he's always starving from dinner til bedtime because he won't eat (much) lunch. I hate that he needs meds to survive in the world but I've come to accept the reality. Now, when will they figure out a way to dose it so kiddos can benefit at home, too?
or dose US to just roll with it better. I need my husband to read this issue to better grasp that you can't just send our kid upstairs with his older brother and say "Have your teeth brushed and have your pajamas on when I come upstairs." It NEVER happens and at a certain point it's on us to just realize this and deal with that reality than to get mad every single time this doesn't work out the way we'd prefer.
Exactly this. One of the hardest things my therapist (who has a 14 year old with ADHD) told me is that I should think of the "good" days as the exception to the rule and the days we struggle are the baseline. OUCH. Bitter medicine, but helpful. And something I literally have to tell myself every morning at breakfast and every evening at teeth-brushing time.
Next level: my husband and I both have ADHD, and neither of us was diagnosed as children, and now we have 3 kids, two of whom have all the same symptoms: time blindness, inattention, trouble following directions, zoning out, zoning out, zoning out, forgetfulness, constantly losing things, trouble organizing tasks/time/things. My son and I also both have intense hyperfocus - which my daughter and husband don't exhibit as much. When any of us are stressed, it's so much worse. I feel like we must have 1,000 guardian angels that kept us from accidentally losing a child or leaving one in a hot car. Last year my doctor prescribed me with adderall b/c I was having so much trouble just day to day not forgetting meetings (even when they were on my calendar, with reminders) and I was leaving the car door open all night, etc., but the adderall was a disaster. I also have anxiety, and I was coiled like a cobra all day until the adderall wore off, and then I'd be depressed. So I stopped taking it, and I just manage the extra work of all of my forgetfulness.
The flip side is this: my husband and I are both very successful professionally, despite being absent-minded to the point of risk and rudeness. And my 2 kids who would truly fare much better in a world without shoes (as they're constantly losing them even when they took them off 4 minutes before, or can't seem to get them on) are also killing it at school: when they're into a topic, they are WAY into it.
The flippiest side is this: It is impossibly difficult for my husband and I to put routines in place to help our ADHD kids because we lack that executive functioning. We are WINGING IT all the time, in such a flappy flappy winging it way, totally on display to other people and other parents how out of control it all is, but... also our kids are loved and usually happy?
I don't have any answers for this. But I appreciate the point in here about not comparing your kids to others', or comparing yourself to other parents. My one child who does not have ADHD is regularly picking up after all of us. She has independently adopted the practice of looping around to the lost-and-found by the elementary school office every day before she leaves school to collect items she recognizes as her brother's or sister's. She plugs in my phone before it loses its charge. She feeds the dog. She finds her brother's and sister's shoes. She gets ready for bed entirely by herself and is the only one of the three children who can clean herself independently and tie her own shoes. She is six.
While this article didn't deal with the social issues of ADHD, I think that might be worth a future article. We had several situations that the school acted quickly and appropriately around bullying, but some times you just had to suck it up and move forward.
Thank you! I'll note this for future angles.
Love that we get to talk about this in this space and really value the conversation. As a parent of a child with ADHD (as a piece of a global developmental disability) and as a therapist I wanted to say 2 things
1- it’s been a very stressful 2 years for all of us and kids are no exception so if your kid’s symptoms got “worse” remember this great way of looking at it that one of my colleagues said “anxiety is a bird looking for a branch to land on”. In other words helping kids bring general stress level down and expecting it to take a few stable months before they return to their baseline. For all kids (not just ones with ADHD) the best way to bring stress level down is through predictability, consistency, and routines. For our kids and their parents (happy parents=happy kids)
2 we try to use the language “kid with adhd” vs “adhd kid” because the former makes it something a person deals with vs labeling the person as the issue. Although it’s ok to be a little messy here and I love that about this forum so mess away but wanted to mention it in case it is helpful for anyone.
Love to my fellow witches and happy Thursday 💀
Thanks, I appreciate this! I've learned some new things about nomenclature personally as I've been learning more about this and am glad when folks clue me in.
Not a big deal at all but sometimes helps remember there is a whole person and the neurodiverse part is just a part. Or as you said somewhere else “a feature not a bug”. I have ADHD myself and like to explain it as my superpower... nobody else can go into a rabbit hole as deep as I can 😂 I can also half-do about 100 projects a day!! 🥴
Just want to also flag that many of us disabled and neurodivergent folks prefer the adjective instead of the person-first language. There’s no one right answer.
My ADHD is on full display here but let me add a last (hopefully) note which is, nutrition (unfortunately) has a huge impact on symptoms and I can handle no meds if I am eating lots of fruits and veggies everyday. Since I don’t have the attention span to complete this task most days I blend them all up and chug a green smoothie at some point and that has been a lifesaver. Harder to get veggies into my kids but I do keep at it and some days I succeed and some I don’t!
OK but, what is that thing in the underwear ad??
A sleep mask I think!
😳😳
I read all these stories and felt SO SEEN. My son (8, 3rd grade) was diagnosed and started meds about a year ago. Meds help him a LOT at school but he can be a nightmare before they kick in and after they wear off. Complete time blindness makes mornings SO stressful and he's always starving from dinner til bedtime because he won't eat (much) lunch. I hate that he needs meds to survive in the world but I've come to accept the reality. Now, when will they figure out a way to dose it so kiddos can benefit at home, too?
or dose US to just roll with it better. I need my husband to read this issue to better grasp that you can't just send our kid upstairs with his older brother and say "Have your teeth brushed and have your pajamas on when I come upstairs." It NEVER happens and at a certain point it's on us to just realize this and deal with that reality than to get mad every single time this doesn't work out the way we'd prefer.
Exactly this. One of the hardest things my therapist (who has a 14 year old with ADHD) told me is that I should think of the "good" days as the exception to the rule and the days we struggle are the baseline. OUCH. Bitter medicine, but helpful. And something I literally have to tell myself every morning at breakfast and every evening at teeth-brushing time.
The phrase "feature, not a bug" probably gets overused but I use it a lot :)
Next level: my husband and I both have ADHD, and neither of us was diagnosed as children, and now we have 3 kids, two of whom have all the same symptoms: time blindness, inattention, trouble following directions, zoning out, zoning out, zoning out, forgetfulness, constantly losing things, trouble organizing tasks/time/things. My son and I also both have intense hyperfocus - which my daughter and husband don't exhibit as much. When any of us are stressed, it's so much worse. I feel like we must have 1,000 guardian angels that kept us from accidentally losing a child or leaving one in a hot car. Last year my doctor prescribed me with adderall b/c I was having so much trouble just day to day not forgetting meetings (even when they were on my calendar, with reminders) and I was leaving the car door open all night, etc., but the adderall was a disaster. I also have anxiety, and I was coiled like a cobra all day until the adderall wore off, and then I'd be depressed. So I stopped taking it, and I just manage the extra work of all of my forgetfulness.
The flip side is this: my husband and I are both very successful professionally, despite being absent-minded to the point of risk and rudeness. And my 2 kids who would truly fare much better in a world without shoes (as they're constantly losing them even when they took them off 4 minutes before, or can't seem to get them on) are also killing it at school: when they're into a topic, they are WAY into it.
The flippiest side is this: It is impossibly difficult for my husband and I to put routines in place to help our ADHD kids because we lack that executive functioning. We are WINGING IT all the time, in such a flappy flappy winging it way, totally on display to other people and other parents how out of control it all is, but... also our kids are loved and usually happy?
I don't have any answers for this. But I appreciate the point in here about not comparing your kids to others', or comparing yourself to other parents. My one child who does not have ADHD is regularly picking up after all of us. She has independently adopted the practice of looping around to the lost-and-found by the elementary school office every day before she leaves school to collect items she recognizes as her brother's or sister's. She plugs in my phone before it loses its charge. She feeds the dog. She finds her brother's and sister's shoes. She gets ready for bed entirely by herself and is the only one of the three children who can clean herself independently and tie her own shoes. She is six.
Want to trade subscriptions? Se my recent post