Sharing this for women's history month! My great-grandmother had 14 children. Getting her tubes tied—or just saying no to sex—was not an option. As it happened, she cleaned the office of an OB/GYN. Together they decided that my grandma needed an "emergency appendectomy" that was, in reality, a tubal ligation. That doctor was a real one, and Grandma Thompson was a #shero
Thanks to your friend for sharing her story. I know your friend said the one thing she could have done differently is complain about the IUD and the bleeding but I hope she doesn’t dwell on that. Fact of the matter is that women’s health is just so poorly handled that we, frankly, don’t even know *how/when* to complain.
thank you, I need to hear this myself. I have been beating myself up for being such a crab this year and not having a lighter spirit even though my body is super conspiring against me.
"Loved this - except as a note it might be worth noting a correction - YOU CAN DEFINITELY GET PREGNANT AFTER HAVING AN ABLATION. And it is super dangerous!! And bad! Like you need to get an abortion ASAP bad! And my doctor made me repeat “I will not have sex with someone who is producing semen” like 8 times before agreeing to do mine.
Ablations burn away the endometrium but you still ovulate - and thus you can have an ovum implant directly into the uterus muscle. Bad stuff!"
Wow, thanks to you and your friend for sharing all this -- we desperately need more of these stories out in the open. I am filing this away for future reference! Random comment but I, too, had the vagal response after getting an IUD inserted and almost fainted in the parking lot, which wasn't great because I was by myself. After a little while I learned to love it (it stopped my periods) but then I had to get it removed because my husband said it poked him during sex. I guess my story does have a happy ending (ha) though because he ended up getting a vasectomy.
My husband also got a vasectomy after our second when we knew we were done - I was similarly very nervous about the IUD after hearing horror stories from friends! I was also of the mind that my body had gone through enough bringing our children into the world, and it was his body's turn. I was probably not the nicest bedside nurse following the procedure - basically just periodic checks on "Do you have an ice pack, food/water, and your Switch?" Ok cool you're good.
On a related note, I am very much enjoying not being on any form of birth control for the first time in 20 years. I am amazed at realizing how much hormones can affect me once they are not muted by the BC.
my husband got a vasectomy after our second kid (totally his choice) and wow did he complain about his recovery, which at the time I did not love because I for sure did not moan and lay around that much after giving actual vaginal birth to our large-headed children--but it sure is great having it done!
lol large headed children. I have received some critiques in the past about my lack of bedside manner vis a vis my spouse, but I was pretty nice to him after his procedure.
Oh god that cervical check nearly killed me. I didn't think IUD insertion was nearly as bad as that, but I know it varies by person. I also took pain pills beforehand. Like 3-4 Advil, I think? I recommend doing that (though if you take NSAIDs, it could worsen bleeding).
My wife had really heavy menstruation, with terrible cramps (sometimes needing to stay home from work it was so bad). After we had our son and decided to close up shop she had an ablation, on the advice of my sister who had one. It was the best thing she ever did. She hasn’t had a period in over 20 years, no cramping, no bleeding, not even really PMS. She has had a lot of health issues so it was really nice not to have to deal with a period as well.
Ooooh, I am in the thick of this right now. Ablation scheduled for end of April, pending fibroid check. After my second kid I started bleeding so, so much. My iron stores are a joke, in spite of supplements. Keep everything crossed for me that this works y'all! I'm really hoping to avoid surgery (because I've already had a ton of procedures for other stuff).
Good luck Kelley I hope it’s smooth sailing. That’s a long time til late April. Same here regarding the iron stuff. Like how do you eat a lot of red meat and also keep your cholesterol down??
Right?! My cholesterol is...not down. My doc also said there's a medication you can take to reduce bleeding (tranexamic acid), so I'm going to try that in the meantime. Maybe it will work great and I won't even need an ablation? But also, I kind of want the ablation? Gaaaaah I just want to be done with all this.
This is all so interesting to hear! I had the exact opposite experience from your friend, I think the hormonal IUD has helped me massively! I got the Mirena after my second kid and the insertion barely hurt at all and I’m sensitive and had it inserted like 6 weeks after birth. And (when I eventually let him near me lol) my husband could feel the strings and I just went back to the midwife and they cut them shorter.
I had/still have ZERO periods with the iud. I used to pass out from cramps as a teen, now nothing. Most importantly though, near the end of my IUD’s life span (but still not the official FDA end), I started having these mood swings, was feeling depressed at random times, more like terrible PMS. my midwife said sometimes the amount of hormone released can dwindle a bit near the end, so I got another one inserted and it was like magic- no more mood swings. The midwife said that many women like the iud later into their 40s and 50s because it can help control perimenopause symptoms. So anyway, I know everyone’s experience is different but my IUD experience has been great!
good, it helps to hear a positive story! So weird how everyone's experiences are different. I had zero cramps as a youth, now they're quite loud as that part of me winds down.
This is very similar to my experience. I had horrible periods before kids. Mirena makes them basically nothing, occasionally a little spotting, and milder PMS/perimenopause symptoms too. I did request that mine be replaced before the official end date since I was noticing more hormonal symptoms and also I moved to a purple state and wanted to make sure I could keep one in til 50!
Insertion was uncomfortable with some bleeding, but for me on par with a pap, and Advil handily managed the mild cramping.
Claire, have you done anything on hormone levels/HRT? I had a great conversation with two women at my gym the other day about it, and I was like, oh, I should get my hormone levels checked, but I'm not sure I really know what that means. would love an Evil Witches take on it, if that interests you! (apologies if you've done this and I missed it!)
I did cover it a little bit ago with Heather Correna. I just got my hormone levels checked myself and I was told I’m officially in menopause territory, so hooray I guess. I was on birth control for a little bit and then went off and shortly thereafter a friend of mine had a mini stroke, so that was scary. More to come I’m sure in a future issue!
I went the hormone check route and found out that my testosterone was insanely low. I now have a pellet in my butt cheek to regulate it and holy shit, do I feel better. Less brain fog, more energy. I'm 46 and right on the cusp of menopause based on the handful of crusty eggs that are still hanging around. So I highly recommend getting a knowledgeable healthcare worker to check your hormones out and go from there. If anyone is in the Big Bend area of Florida I can give you the contact info for my lovely ARNP.
Also taking testosterone means I can threaten my husband that I am growing a dick and that's never not hilarious.
hahah this is a great comment. I never heard about the butt cheek pellet option! It sounds like microchipping a pet. "Who is this woman? IDK but scan her butt."
Lots of women need pain medication during IUD insertion/removal! It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, bodies are vastly different! I just read Dr. Gunter's book Blood and saw her speak last Friday (she lives in the States but is a hometown hero here in Canada). Fantastic stuff.
I had a tubal, with great success, but I still have to be on the pill to manage my period.
I've heard SO MANY terrible stories about getting an IUD inserted. As someone who is fairly sensitive I was expecting it to be the worst and.....it was totally nothing. In terms of pain/discomfort it was barely a pinch and then it was over. Sharing to say if you're feeling anxious about getting one, every body is different and it is possible to have a no-big-deal experience as well. But I feel for all the ladies who did not have this experience and it seems like a big enough issue that doctors should care a little more?! I did hear from a friend who was offered nitrous oxide before hers and I can't stop thinking about that. It seems like that should be a standard offer for those who want it!
yeah can I have morphine? It's interesting how some of these things are so subjective. I am someone who doesn't have too hard a time with mammograms but I know others who find them kinda excruciating
I had no idea a vaginal hysterectomy existed! How cool. I LOLed at putting the doctor's note on the fridge - that is gold star behavior right there.
I hope things settle down for you, Claire. I've had three (3) IUDs and insertion *for me* was like 2x a pap smear + gagging, but the second hormonal one turned me into an absolute monster and I didn't catch on until it was time to replace it five years later (I have the copper one now).
I wish women's healthcare wasn't so, "Every woman's different, shrug" and was more, "Every woman's different, so if what you're saying is new to me, I'm going to believe you."
ah Meghan! Why is there so much gagging and vomiting involved with reproductive management?? I have some alprazolam for flying, maybe I'll pop one ahead of time if I do end up getting one.
It took me a month to finish reading this because of IUD trauama (lolsob) but I did just want to say that my IUD insertion was so painful I almost passed out. I found out a few months later when I went to have it taken out--because I was bloated and emotional and felt like shit--that it had perforated my uterus. The pain I felt was it going through my uterine wall. I was bloated to the point that I looked pregnant because the IUD was sitting on top of my colon and my body was not loving it.
I'm sure this is incredibly unlikely, but I do like to mention it in any IUD conversation because I know that it does happen. At least two other women I know have had a similar thing happen to them.
Oh man, I'm sorry you went through that. I took a Xanax before my last appt in case I got one inserted (we decided against it so I was just a little extra relaxed that night.)
So I started this out like, “I’ve had two IUDs in my life…” and then started counting and I think I’ve actually had… 4? Is this perimenopausal brain fog?? 1 paraguard in my 20s (profoundly painful), 1 mirena for three months after my first birth (got that mofo taken out bc of the sheer rage I felt all the time), replaced by paraguard (#3), then… like, I cannot for the life of me remember what my birth control post second birth was? Must have been another paraguard? A year-ish after our second, my husband had a vasectomy, which was a year-ish too late, IMO, but he was a big wuss about it and cancelled the first appt bc… he had a headache. Yes, I was as relentlessly jeering about that one as you can imagine.
Oh I would have been FURIOUS! Mine was shy about the sperm count testing post operation and I was like Let me explain to you what a pap smear is and I have to get one done every year!
Since I've learned I'm officially in peri I am able to let go a lot more about the brain fog thing. Like last night I had to text my husband to try to remember what the last movie we saw was and it took us a bit of back and forth to remember it--and it was not that long ago!
This is epic. Thank you so much for sharing. The story of her miscarriage, too, and her realization that she might have kept trying, that's just really hard and makes me so mad.
gah. My OB wants me to get a biopsy as well to make sure everything is OK under the hood. I want to be put in that kind of space coma they get put into in the Fifth Element and they can do everything and then wake me up.
Sharing this for women's history month! My great-grandmother had 14 children. Getting her tubes tied—or just saying no to sex—was not an option. As it happened, she cleaned the office of an OB/GYN. Together they decided that my grandma needed an "emergency appendectomy" that was, in reality, a tubal ligation. That doctor was a real one, and Grandma Thompson was a #shero
man that's also a bummer but I'm glad G'ma Thompson finally got to rest.
Wow, way to go Grandma Thompson!
Right? This is my favorite family story.
It’s great that that story was passed down to you, too. So many of us don’t know what life was like for our own great grandmas.
Thanks to your friend for sharing her story. I know your friend said the one thing she could have done differently is complain about the IUD and the bleeding but I hope she doesn’t dwell on that. Fact of the matter is that women’s health is just so poorly handled that we, frankly, don’t even know *how/when* to complain.
thank you, I need to hear this myself. I have been beating myself up for being such a crab this year and not having a lighter spirit even though my body is super conspiring against me.
Sending you hugs 🫂
yup.
Note from a reader I wanted to drop in here!
"Loved this - except as a note it might be worth noting a correction - YOU CAN DEFINITELY GET PREGNANT AFTER HAVING AN ABLATION. And it is super dangerous!! And bad! Like you need to get an abortion ASAP bad! And my doctor made me repeat “I will not have sex with someone who is producing semen” like 8 times before agreeing to do mine.
Ablations burn away the endometrium but you still ovulate - and thus you can have an ovum implant directly into the uterus muscle. Bad stuff!"
Wow, thanks to you and your friend for sharing all this -- we desperately need more of these stories out in the open. I am filing this away for future reference! Random comment but I, too, had the vagal response after getting an IUD inserted and almost fainted in the parking lot, which wasn't great because I was by myself. After a little while I learned to love it (it stopped my periods) but then I had to get it removed because my husband said it poked him during sex. I guess my story does have a happy ending (ha) though because he ended up getting a vasectomy.
I think every man in the world should get a vasectomy when he knows he doesn’t want to have kids, even if his partner can’t—out of solidarity.
I am really scared about potential IUD insertion pain. the initial cervical check was one of the most painful parts of giving birth, to me. 😬
My husband also got a vasectomy after our second when we knew we were done - I was similarly very nervous about the IUD after hearing horror stories from friends! I was also of the mind that my body had gone through enough bringing our children into the world, and it was his body's turn. I was probably not the nicest bedside nurse following the procedure - basically just periodic checks on "Do you have an ice pack, food/water, and your Switch?" Ok cool you're good.
On a related note, I am very much enjoying not being on any form of birth control for the first time in 20 years. I am amazed at realizing how much hormones can affect me once they are not muted by the BC.
my husband got a vasectomy after our second kid (totally his choice) and wow did he complain about his recovery, which at the time I did not love because I for sure did not moan and lay around that much after giving actual vaginal birth to our large-headed children--but it sure is great having it done!
lol large headed children. I have received some critiques in the past about my lack of bedside manner vis a vis my spouse, but I was pretty nice to him after his procedure.
Oh god that cervical check nearly killed me. I didn't think IUD insertion was nearly as bad as that, but I know it varies by person. I also took pain pills beforehand. Like 3-4 Advil, I think? I recommend doing that (though if you take NSAIDs, it could worsen bleeding).
My wife had really heavy menstruation, with terrible cramps (sometimes needing to stay home from work it was so bad). After we had our son and decided to close up shop she had an ablation, on the advice of my sister who had one. It was the best thing she ever did. She hasn’t had a period in over 20 years, no cramping, no bleeding, not even really PMS. She has had a lot of health issues so it was really nice not to have to deal with a period as well.
Thanks for listening to her and hearing her. Sometimes I get sick of hearing myself bitch to my husband but he is sympathetic about it.
Ooooh, I am in the thick of this right now. Ablation scheduled for end of April, pending fibroid check. After my second kid I started bleeding so, so much. My iron stores are a joke, in spite of supplements. Keep everything crossed for me that this works y'all! I'm really hoping to avoid surgery (because I've already had a ton of procedures for other stuff).
Good luck Kelley I hope it’s smooth sailing. That’s a long time til late April. Same here regarding the iron stuff. Like how do you eat a lot of red meat and also keep your cholesterol down??
Right?! My cholesterol is...not down. My doc also said there's a medication you can take to reduce bleeding (tranexamic acid), so I'm going to try that in the meantime. Maybe it will work great and I won't even need an ablation? But also, I kind of want the ablation? Gaaaaah I just want to be done with all this.
This is all so interesting to hear! I had the exact opposite experience from your friend, I think the hormonal IUD has helped me massively! I got the Mirena after my second kid and the insertion barely hurt at all and I’m sensitive and had it inserted like 6 weeks after birth. And (when I eventually let him near me lol) my husband could feel the strings and I just went back to the midwife and they cut them shorter.
I had/still have ZERO periods with the iud. I used to pass out from cramps as a teen, now nothing. Most importantly though, near the end of my IUD’s life span (but still not the official FDA end), I started having these mood swings, was feeling depressed at random times, more like terrible PMS. my midwife said sometimes the amount of hormone released can dwindle a bit near the end, so I got another one inserted and it was like magic- no more mood swings. The midwife said that many women like the iud later into their 40s and 50s because it can help control perimenopause symptoms. So anyway, I know everyone’s experience is different but my IUD experience has been great!
good, it helps to hear a positive story! So weird how everyone's experiences are different. I had zero cramps as a youth, now they're quite loud as that part of me winds down.
This is very similar to my experience. I had horrible periods before kids. Mirena makes them basically nothing, occasionally a little spotting, and milder PMS/perimenopause symptoms too. I did request that mine be replaced before the official end date since I was noticing more hormonal symptoms and also I moved to a purple state and wanted to make sure I could keep one in til 50!
Insertion was uncomfortable with some bleeding, but for me on par with a pap, and Advil handily managed the mild cramping.
Ok this was great
Claire, have you done anything on hormone levels/HRT? I had a great conversation with two women at my gym the other day about it, and I was like, oh, I should get my hormone levels checked, but I'm not sure I really know what that means. would love an Evil Witches take on it, if that interests you! (apologies if you've done this and I missed it!)
I did cover it a little bit ago with Heather Correna. I just got my hormone levels checked myself and I was told I’m officially in menopause territory, so hooray I guess. I was on birth control for a little bit and then went off and shortly thereafter a friend of mine had a mini stroke, so that was scary. More to come I’m sure in a future issue!
I went the hormone check route and found out that my testosterone was insanely low. I now have a pellet in my butt cheek to regulate it and holy shit, do I feel better. Less brain fog, more energy. I'm 46 and right on the cusp of menopause based on the handful of crusty eggs that are still hanging around. So I highly recommend getting a knowledgeable healthcare worker to check your hormones out and go from there. If anyone is in the Big Bend area of Florida I can give you the contact info for my lovely ARNP.
Also taking testosterone means I can threaten my husband that I am growing a dick and that's never not hilarious.
hahah this is a great comment. I never heard about the butt cheek pellet option! It sounds like microchipping a pet. "Who is this woman? IDK but scan her butt."
I had never heard of it either but a friend of mine talked me into it after having great results herself. And the microchip comparison is pretty apt.
Lots of women need pain medication during IUD insertion/removal! It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, bodies are vastly different! I just read Dr. Gunter's book Blood and saw her speak last Friday (she lives in the States but is a hometown hero here in Canada). Fantastic stuff.
I had a tubal, with great success, but I still have to be on the pill to manage my period.
I've heard SO MANY terrible stories about getting an IUD inserted. As someone who is fairly sensitive I was expecting it to be the worst and.....it was totally nothing. In terms of pain/discomfort it was barely a pinch and then it was over. Sharing to say if you're feeling anxious about getting one, every body is different and it is possible to have a no-big-deal experience as well. But I feel for all the ladies who did not have this experience and it seems like a big enough issue that doctors should care a little more?! I did hear from a friend who was offered nitrous oxide before hers and I can't stop thinking about that. It seems like that should be a standard offer for those who want it!
yeah can I have morphine? It's interesting how some of these things are so subjective. I am someone who doesn't have too hard a time with mammograms but I know others who find them kinda excruciating
I had no idea a vaginal hysterectomy existed! How cool. I LOLed at putting the doctor's note on the fridge - that is gold star behavior right there.
I hope things settle down for you, Claire. I've had three (3) IUDs and insertion *for me* was like 2x a pap smear + gagging, but the second hormonal one turned me into an absolute monster and I didn't catch on until it was time to replace it five years later (I have the copper one now).
I wish women's healthcare wasn't so, "Every woman's different, shrug" and was more, "Every woman's different, so if what you're saying is new to me, I'm going to believe you."
ah Meghan! Why is there so much gagging and vomiting involved with reproductive management?? I have some alprazolam for flying, maybe I'll pop one ahead of time if I do end up getting one.
Women's bodies ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Must be sorcery!
we are like this b/c we love 2 complain
It took me a month to finish reading this because of IUD trauama (lolsob) but I did just want to say that my IUD insertion was so painful I almost passed out. I found out a few months later when I went to have it taken out--because I was bloated and emotional and felt like shit--that it had perforated my uterus. The pain I felt was it going through my uterine wall. I was bloated to the point that I looked pregnant because the IUD was sitting on top of my colon and my body was not loving it.
I'm sure this is incredibly unlikely, but I do like to mention it in any IUD conversation because I know that it does happen. At least two other women I know have had a similar thing happen to them.
Oh man, I'm sorry you went through that. I took a Xanax before my last appt in case I got one inserted (we decided against it so I was just a little extra relaxed that night.)
So I started this out like, “I’ve had two IUDs in my life…” and then started counting and I think I’ve actually had… 4? Is this perimenopausal brain fog?? 1 paraguard in my 20s (profoundly painful), 1 mirena for three months after my first birth (got that mofo taken out bc of the sheer rage I felt all the time), replaced by paraguard (#3), then… like, I cannot for the life of me remember what my birth control post second birth was? Must have been another paraguard? A year-ish after our second, my husband had a vasectomy, which was a year-ish too late, IMO, but he was a big wuss about it and cancelled the first appt bc… he had a headache. Yes, I was as relentlessly jeering about that one as you can imagine.
Oh I would have been FURIOUS! Mine was shy about the sperm count testing post operation and I was like Let me explain to you what a pap smear is and I have to get one done every year!
Since I've learned I'm officially in peri I am able to let go a lot more about the brain fog thing. Like last night I had to text my husband to try to remember what the last movie we saw was and it took us a bit of back and forth to remember it--and it was not that long ago!
This is epic. Thank you so much for sharing. The story of her miscarriage, too, and her realization that she might have kept trying, that's just really hard and makes me so mad.
I had a uterine biopsy and I passed out from the pain. The only thing I was told was to take some ibuprofen beforehand. I’m so mad about it.
I guarantee that if a man was having a chunk of their insides cut out, he would be sedated all the way unconscious.
gah. My OB wants me to get a biopsy as well to make sure everything is OK under the hood. I want to be put in that kind of space coma they get put into in the Fifth Element and they can do everything and then wake me up.
FWIW, I found it more or less equivalent to a Pap smear. But based on the doctor’s reaction, that was perhaps atypical.
I hope it goes that way if I get one!
I would ask lots of questions about alternatives to ibuprofen. Also, maybe pitch a little fit if they tell you there aren’t any.
I will! I want the dilaudid I got when I was giving birth, no less.
No. Less.