Last Wednesday, a couple friends and I came up with "Survival Rules" to get us through this period, or at least the next three months. Some of them:
- no doomscrolling; no social media at all that makes you feel worse
- pick a regular interval to check the news on (I picked once a day)
- don't borrow trouble
- prioritize building community (aka don't treat spending time with friends as frivolous)
- pick one major issue to focus your time and energy on instead of trying to help every cause
So far, they've helped, I think. I don't miss checking the news more often. And since I know I'm only checking it once, I'm more careful about picking when I have the emotional space to get bummed out instead of first thing in the morning.
this is REALLY useful. I am trying to figure out too if there is a compact way to briefly get the headlines without it become the news situation of "I'll make this bag of blow last all week" and then waking up the next morning alone with an empty bag, a bloody nose and a lot of regrets.
Shout out to the Small Bow newsletter for publishing some amazing cocaine stories lately that are very poignant and good at making me not want to take cocaine.
I am totally in the same boat. It is unsustainable as a journalist but really helping me get through this period of grief. I joke (but not really) that I only get my news from direct text messages and one WhatsApp Mom thread. I feel like this is the time to regain strength and equilibrium bc he’s not president yet and everything right now is speculation.
The constant speculation about how all kinds of things I care about could change is really what sent me off social media. It's not a good use of my time to read worst case scenarios right now.
well and i also remember from last time too that a lot of big scary talk can often end up bullshit or malfunctioning. Which isn't to say it should be ignored completely but I can't get upset about him appointing Optimus Prime to secretary of education if he's just going to get fired in February.
My mom always says “Wait to worry,” and it’s definitely true in this case that we don’t know what all will happen, so for now I am limiting how much time I spend reading all the speculation and am choosing to wait until he’s actually president and we have more info about what ends up happening legitimately before I get super worked up about it.
24 hrs ago·edited 23 hrs agoLiked by Claire Zulkey
Keeping things local is a good practice meditation to reconfigure our concept of control. If the Tree on Knowledge was the fall of Adam and Eve, then the tree of information that is the 24 hour news cycle (TV and Internet) is the second (third? fourth?) fall; it has fooled people into thinking they had more influence and control than they have. Media bully culture has created a culture of idolatry and made many a-holes on both sides very rich, and I refuse to engage in it anymore. I deleted Instagram. I don't know for how long, but the unwanted posts were just getting unruly. I am on Reddit, but it's limited to recipe discussions (ok, "Leopard Ate My Face" and "Wedding Shaming" are my guilty pleasure.) I am more engaged in local news. Instead of scrolling, I watch episodes of Shrinking over and over again while knitting. I doubled down on my commitment to exercise. I am also taking mood cues from my kids. I am leaning more into my middle schooler's blissful innocence, while my 18-year-old, who was super pissed last week, is has moved on with the "best revenge is a good life" attitude. In the end, we did what we could, it all up to the universe. It time to regroup, learn from our mistakes (and there were plenty, but that is another rant), and strengthen the foundation that is our truth, quiet quit the rhetoric, and, if Trump follows the same pattern as his last administration, be ready for when the other side to implodes. Only death and taxes are guaranteed, so let get busy living.
we worked at Feed My Starving Children on Friday. It was nice to have the kids be useful/be out of the house but I also truly enjoyed just working on a factory line for an hour.
My husband went off social media like 3 years ago and he still manages to know everything that's going on--partly because he is an avid user of a Red Sox message board called Sons of Sam Horn. The threads he participates in are closed, so, like this space, it feels smart and safe to engage w/ thinking people about stuff--and not just baseball. As my new year's resolution, I swore off social media in 2019 and it was GREAT! I had my third baby "in secret" and it was beautiful to be tucked away. I am planning to do it again in 2025. Why the hell not? I have no book to promote and the less President Dumbfuck I see, the better. Reading the Times sparingly, reading Substacks (including this one but also ones that more politically action oriented) can keep me plugged in, doing stuff to enact change.
Aw I'm glad your husband has that space to stay abreast of things. I just need to start subscribing to some good gossip newsletters I think because it's not safe to go read it online anymore.
I have intentionally downloaded a dumb game on my phone, called Hue where you move colored tiles into color patterns. I plan to come out on the other side a very calm color expert. Ha. (No but really, it has helped REPLACE the habit for me)
Since 2016 I’ve survived the news by picking one news website (I chose NPR) and checking it only once a day. I don’t even click through and read all of it! With that and following like minded people on substack, I get the important news. It’s enough. I only do written news too, no need to listen to anyone’s voice spouting whatever. I’ve slimmed down my IG feed to be just about art (my thing) and I only log in from desktop. This has helped me stay afloat as media and political news goes haywire.
Yes to all of this! This sounds like our week. I did pull away from the news, and I had the bandwidth to be a better and more present parent. More outside time, less screens, more games, more baking! I think for me as mom of 3 boys there is an even greater sense of urgency to raise good men, and prioritizing family time is a huge part of that.
omg. Thank you for linking to this. I remember everyone's insides going cuckoo during COVID too and pre-vaccine at that. This must be why women's health gets deprioritized--it's magic and the system is scared of it.
Really glad I read this one today, thank you. I had lunch with some friends over the weekend (it was already on the calendar but perfectly timed) and one of the most badass women I know had her game plan ready. She said she's not allowing that man's voice to live in her head for the next 4 years and instead is in the process of creating an abortion travel fund. I'm trying to find my version of that, especially trying to figure out what feels like a truly sustainable way to fight rather than just an immediate response to crisis.
“raising good kids is a public service” I used to kind of scoff at my mother’s insistence that parenting is super important but now in my forties I totally get it. Like, wtf else are we doing?! everyone should be raising informed receptive emotionally safe little animal babies for the planet, no?! anyway, I bow to your ability to play Sorry. I had to give ours away because of WWWIII in the living room. it sounds like your children are good sports!
17 hrs ago·edited 17 hrs agoLiked by Claire Zulkey
I so relate. I just disassociated the first couple days -- made foccaccia from scratch over the weekend! Have been listening to Ina Garten's memoir on audio and it was the escapism I needed.
But have been treading back in and yesterday and today spent way too much time on Blue Sky but also the jokes on current events on there were giving me life. Also The Onion buying InfoWars news today was one piece of good news.
In any event, I don't know how to find the balance but struggling wtih the same questions.
I think it’s interesting and funny that the Onion InfoWars news is the one that people were sharing a lot with me. I bet there are already some takes out there on “what does this all mean for comedy” etc
I am in the same boat - I've checked out of social media and news since last week and have just... dissociated. But I also realize this is not sustainable so I had a long cry with my therapist yesterday about how to manage life while holding a deep well of grief and betrayal. I still feel the pain today but I feel a lot less of the panicky "oh no we're all doomed... DOOMED" feeling that's been plaguing me since last week. I'm still staying away from the national news for a bit though - I'll stick with the local updates in my area, which feel way more approachable and actionable.
Similar here, Lara. In 2016 I turned off NPR and switched to getting daily delivery of our local paper and the NYT on Sundays. It feels empowering to know a lot about what's going on locally - and my husband and I get the occasional letter to the editor published like the cranks-in-training we are. There's also something slightly neutralizing to just get one dose of printed news everyday. I see whatever made it to the front of the paper, but avoid hot-takes. I also end up reading things I'd never click on.
Like Claire says above, it seems silly to get yanked around by every whim and dribble of what hasn't yet happened. I can sign up to speak at my city council meeting, I can go to my neighborhood association meeting, but I can't do anything about science fiction government appointments. Also, having conversations with my friends about the whims and dribble isn't especially helpful and doesn't make me feel good. Therefore I plan to stay out of it, be analog informed as much as possible, and direct my energy toward in-person causes and agitation.
Last Wednesday, a couple friends and I came up with "Survival Rules" to get us through this period, or at least the next three months. Some of them:
- no doomscrolling; no social media at all that makes you feel worse
- pick a regular interval to check the news on (I picked once a day)
- don't borrow trouble
- prioritize building community (aka don't treat spending time with friends as frivolous)
- pick one major issue to focus your time and energy on instead of trying to help every cause
So far, they've helped, I think. I don't miss checking the news more often. And since I know I'm only checking it once, I'm more careful about picking when I have the emotional space to get bummed out instead of first thing in the morning.
this is REALLY useful. I am trying to figure out too if there is a compact way to briefly get the headlines without it become the news situation of "I'll make this bag of blow last all week" and then waking up the next morning alone with an empty bag, a bloody nose and a lot of regrets.
What a colorful, and horrifyingly apt, metaphor. : )
Shout out to the Small Bow newsletter for publishing some amazing cocaine stories lately that are very poignant and good at making me not want to take cocaine.
I am totally in the same boat. It is unsustainable as a journalist but really helping me get through this period of grief. I joke (but not really) that I only get my news from direct text messages and one WhatsApp Mom thread. I feel like this is the time to regain strength and equilibrium bc he’s not president yet and everything right now is speculation.
The constant speculation about how all kinds of things I care about could change is really what sent me off social media. It's not a good use of my time to read worst case scenarios right now.
well and i also remember from last time too that a lot of big scary talk can often end up bullshit or malfunctioning. Which isn't to say it should be ignored completely but I can't get upset about him appointing Optimus Prime to secretary of education if he's just going to get fired in February.
Right, it’s the desperate need for more information when there just isn’t any yet. That’s what’s giving early covid.
yep and as my therapist said, when was the last time you got caught up on the news and was like "I'm really glad I did that"
oh my gosh this. the uncertainty
The revolution will be hyper local
A coworker offered this advice to me this past week, re: consuming upsetting content online: “Worrying makes me suffer twice.”
very wise! I'm glad you work with at least one intelligent person.
My mom always says “Wait to worry,” and it’s definitely true in this case that we don’t know what all will happen, so for now I am limiting how much time I spend reading all the speculation and am choosing to wait until he’s actually president and we have more info about what ends up happening legitimately before I get super worked up about it.
Keeping things local is a good practice meditation to reconfigure our concept of control. If the Tree on Knowledge was the fall of Adam and Eve, then the tree of information that is the 24 hour news cycle (TV and Internet) is the second (third? fourth?) fall; it has fooled people into thinking they had more influence and control than they have. Media bully culture has created a culture of idolatry and made many a-holes on both sides very rich, and I refuse to engage in it anymore. I deleted Instagram. I don't know for how long, but the unwanted posts were just getting unruly. I am on Reddit, but it's limited to recipe discussions (ok, "Leopard Ate My Face" and "Wedding Shaming" are my guilty pleasure.) I am more engaged in local news. Instead of scrolling, I watch episodes of Shrinking over and over again while knitting. I doubled down on my commitment to exercise. I am also taking mood cues from my kids. I am leaning more into my middle schooler's blissful innocence, while my 18-year-old, who was super pissed last week, is has moved on with the "best revenge is a good life" attitude. In the end, we did what we could, it all up to the universe. It time to regroup, learn from our mistakes (and there were plenty, but that is another rant), and strengthen the foundation that is our truth, quiet quit the rhetoric, and, if Trump follows the same pattern as his last administration, be ready for when the other side to implodes. Only death and taxes are guaranteed, so let get busy living.
we worked at Feed My Starving Children on Friday. It was nice to have the kids be useful/be out of the house but I also truly enjoyed just working on a factory line for an hour.
Great Idea! Thanks!
My husband went off social media like 3 years ago and he still manages to know everything that's going on--partly because he is an avid user of a Red Sox message board called Sons of Sam Horn. The threads he participates in are closed, so, like this space, it feels smart and safe to engage w/ thinking people about stuff--and not just baseball. As my new year's resolution, I swore off social media in 2019 and it was GREAT! I had my third baby "in secret" and it was beautiful to be tucked away. I am planning to do it again in 2025. Why the hell not? I have no book to promote and the less President Dumbfuck I see, the better. Reading the Times sparingly, reading Substacks (including this one but also ones that more politically action oriented) can keep me plugged in, doing stuff to enact change.
Aw I'm glad your husband has that space to stay abreast of things. I just need to start subscribing to some good gossip newsletters I think because it's not safe to go read it online anymore.
There are two newsletters that I'm finding helpful for brief news shots, and only two. Everything else is the bag of blow.
https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/
https://emilyinyourphone.substack.com/
lol thank you for the recos! I am glad someone else could pick out a few ways to microdose.
I have intentionally downloaded a dumb game on my phone, called Hue where you move colored tiles into color patterns. I plan to come out on the other side a very calm color expert. Ha. (No but really, it has helped REPLACE the habit for me)
I was going to say I am KILLING it on Duolingo lately. Anyone who is my challenge partner is lucky.
claire you are gonna come out of the next few years a polygot while the rest of us just come out poorer and more depressed. queen shit
gracias
Since 2016 I’ve survived the news by picking one news website (I chose NPR) and checking it only once a day. I don’t even click through and read all of it! With that and following like minded people on substack, I get the important news. It’s enough. I only do written news too, no need to listen to anyone’s voice spouting whatever. I’ve slimmed down my IG feed to be just about art (my thing) and I only log in from desktop. This has helped me stay afloat as media and political news goes haywire.
good system! Thank you.
Yes to all of this! This sounds like our week. I did pull away from the news, and I had the bandwidth to be a better and more present parent. More outside time, less screens, more games, more baking! I think for me as mom of 3 boys there is an even greater sense of urgency to raise good men, and prioritizing family time is a huge part of that.
The period thing is (anecdotally) real. I wrote about it and SOMEHOW it’s still happening to people post-election? Weird. Ahem.
https://www.vanityfair.com/style/story/trump-women-reproductive-rights-election
omg. Thank you for linking to this. I remember everyone's insides going cuckoo during COVID too and pre-vaccine at that. This must be why women's health gets deprioritized--it's magic and the system is scared of it.
How could we even KNOW what’s going on in there? Better not study it!
Thank you for writing such a helpful article
Really glad I read this one today, thank you. I had lunch with some friends over the weekend (it was already on the calendar but perfectly timed) and one of the most badass women I know had her game plan ready. She said she's not allowing that man's voice to live in her head for the next 4 years and instead is in the process of creating an abortion travel fund. I'm trying to find my version of that, especially trying to figure out what feels like a truly sustainable way to fight rather than just an immediate response to crisis.
being in touch with our people is crucial not just for exchanging ideas for survival but also just having a laugh which we need.
“raising good kids is a public service” I used to kind of scoff at my mother’s insistence that parenting is super important but now in my forties I totally get it. Like, wtf else are we doing?! everyone should be raising informed receptive emotionally safe little animal babies for the planet, no?! anyway, I bow to your ability to play Sorry. I had to give ours away because of WWWIII in the living room. it sounds like your children are good sports!
I so relate. I just disassociated the first couple days -- made foccaccia from scratch over the weekend! Have been listening to Ina Garten's memoir on audio and it was the escapism I needed.
But have been treading back in and yesterday and today spent way too much time on Blue Sky but also the jokes on current events on there were giving me life. Also The Onion buying InfoWars news today was one piece of good news.
In any event, I don't know how to find the balance but struggling wtih the same questions.
I think it’s interesting and funny that the Onion InfoWars news is the one that people were sharing a lot with me. I bet there are already some takes out there on “what does this all mean for comedy” etc
Mostly just saw happy posts about it today but i'm sure there will be more takes!
This is so relatable. Thank you for sharing.
I am in the same boat - I've checked out of social media and news since last week and have just... dissociated. But I also realize this is not sustainable so I had a long cry with my therapist yesterday about how to manage life while holding a deep well of grief and betrayal. I still feel the pain today but I feel a lot less of the panicky "oh no we're all doomed... DOOMED" feeling that's been plaguing me since last week. I'm still staying away from the national news for a bit though - I'll stick with the local updates in my area, which feel way more approachable and actionable.
Similar here, Lara. In 2016 I turned off NPR and switched to getting daily delivery of our local paper and the NYT on Sundays. It feels empowering to know a lot about what's going on locally - and my husband and I get the occasional letter to the editor published like the cranks-in-training we are. There's also something slightly neutralizing to just get one dose of printed news everyday. I see whatever made it to the front of the paper, but avoid hot-takes. I also end up reading things I'd never click on.
Like Claire says above, it seems silly to get yanked around by every whim and dribble of what hasn't yet happened. I can sign up to speak at my city council meeting, I can go to my neighborhood association meeting, but I can't do anything about science fiction government appointments. Also, having conversations with my friends about the whims and dribble isn't especially helpful and doesn't make me feel good. Therefore I plan to stay out of it, be analog informed as much as possible, and direct my energy toward in-person causes and agitation.