Yesterday my 11 year old son told me that they are saying "Thick thighs save lives" in his class lately. I thought briefly of all the hours I've spent comparing the thickness of my thighs to others and the long road to finally feeling proud of my bounty.
Thank you for this. My husband and I are fat parents, and our two kids are very differently built. When our bigger guy is angry about his own body, he lashes out at me and my husband that we are fat slobs. OK fine but we provide an array of healthy foods and support all his different health-related endeavors. Our younger son is 'normal' sized but had a lot of years as a very petite kid, and I think it created some envy for all of us until dealing with the way he was treated differently by teachers and classmates.
As far as language - other kids and their parents are going to comment on kids' bodies no matter what. They will FIND something to criticize or mock. My littler guy: "When are you going to grow? Doesn't your mother feed you?" My bigger guy: "What are you EATING?" It sucks and it's a thing we can't protect our kids, or ourselves, from. We can just make our own home safe.
My kid started talking about calories in kindergarten! Turns out the *babysitter* was all about the zero-calorie pop etc. So we had a talk about how some people need to diet for medical reasons - like grandfather eating less salt because blood pressure, or uncle needing to be mindful of carbs because diabetes and sometimes needing sugar in a hurry - but it's specific to the individual and their medical needs so doesn't apply to you. Seems to have worked? They're still not keen on veg though
This was great to read, thank you! I didn’t have an full blown ED as a teen but I did go onto weight watchers. I’m working really hard to love myself as I am now as I gained a little weight during the pandemic.
Anyone have advice on how to talk to my husband about food stuff? I’ve tried to be really neutral about a lot of it when it comes to our daughter and I told him I’m terrified that she’ll end up with an eating disorder. My husband has a lot of food issues (I personally think he might have an eating disorder. He has a lot of shame around his weight) and doesn’t really agree with how I talk about food. He likes to do good/bad/sometimes food and I don’t want my kid to feel bad about ice cream. His family talks about weight all the time, too. My MIL one time told me her mother loves shopping for my kid bc she is so “skinny” and I hate that she’s commenting on the body of a SEVEN YEAR OLD! Ugh wtf.
Anyway advice is appreciated. Hubs and I have to table the convo any time we try to talk about it bc it starts to get heated and he tells me I’m wrong 🙃
That really sucks. I can't speak from experience b/c my husband's dad is an adult picky eater and was affected by it so he stays out of my way because he doesn't want the kids to be like him, afraid of "strange" food basically.
I am curious what your spouse says in response to the actual research that shows "good/bad" food etc gives kids complexes around food that won't pay off later in life. If he doesn't listen to you I wonder if you can have a private word with your kids' pediatrician and ask him/her to relay that info to your husband at the kids' next well visit. But I bet/hope other witches have better advice.
No advice (I wish!! I so wish I had some to offer!!), but solidarity and recognition - it’s so hard to have to do that conversation over and over again till it gets heard... I’ve been through the ringer/am constantly f$&@ing going through it with my husband over this past year and a half-ish, too. I have never once managed to stay neutral, though. Good on you for that!!
Oh! Wait! The chapter in Virginia Sole-Smith’s book Fat Talk that’s about dads! That was a helpful one, and I read him (unintentionally incendiary) passages from it. That book is gold. And while I wish I could say that was a turning point in those conversations, (spoiler, it was not) it definitely backed me the hell up, which was quite nice.
Thank you for this thoughtful article! There is a terrible local commercial that comes on every radio station we listen to that literally begins, "Are you tired of feeling FAT?" Ugh, I hate it so much! I always very quickly switch to another station, but at this point I feel like I probably pull more attention to it because of that fact, lol.
local radio will always make you feel like a jerk. see (hear): the commercials that shame people who sleep separately ("sleep divorce") to sell anti-snoring surgery.
Yesterday my 11 year old son told me that they are saying "Thick thighs save lives" in his class lately. I thought briefly of all the hours I've spent comparing the thickness of my thighs to others and the long road to finally feeling proud of my bounty.
Thank you for this. My husband and I are fat parents, and our two kids are very differently built. When our bigger guy is angry about his own body, he lashes out at me and my husband that we are fat slobs. OK fine but we provide an array of healthy foods and support all his different health-related endeavors. Our younger son is 'normal' sized but had a lot of years as a very petite kid, and I think it created some envy for all of us until dealing with the way he was treated differently by teachers and classmates.
As far as language - other kids and their parents are going to comment on kids' bodies no matter what. They will FIND something to criticize or mock. My littler guy: "When are you going to grow? Doesn't your mother feed you?" My bigger guy: "What are you EATING?" It sucks and it's a thing we can't protect our kids, or ourselves, from. We can just make our own home safe.
My kid started talking about calories in kindergarten! Turns out the *babysitter* was all about the zero-calorie pop etc. So we had a talk about how some people need to diet for medical reasons - like grandfather eating less salt because blood pressure, or uncle needing to be mindful of carbs because diabetes and sometimes needing sugar in a hurry - but it's specific to the individual and their medical needs so doesn't apply to you. Seems to have worked? They're still not keen on veg though
This was great to read, thank you! I didn’t have an full blown ED as a teen but I did go onto weight watchers. I’m working really hard to love myself as I am now as I gained a little weight during the pandemic.
Anyone have advice on how to talk to my husband about food stuff? I’ve tried to be really neutral about a lot of it when it comes to our daughter and I told him I’m terrified that she’ll end up with an eating disorder. My husband has a lot of food issues (I personally think he might have an eating disorder. He has a lot of shame around his weight) and doesn’t really agree with how I talk about food. He likes to do good/bad/sometimes food and I don’t want my kid to feel bad about ice cream. His family talks about weight all the time, too. My MIL one time told me her mother loves shopping for my kid bc she is so “skinny” and I hate that she’s commenting on the body of a SEVEN YEAR OLD! Ugh wtf.
Anyway advice is appreciated. Hubs and I have to table the convo any time we try to talk about it bc it starts to get heated and he tells me I’m wrong 🙃
That really sucks. I can't speak from experience b/c my husband's dad is an adult picky eater and was affected by it so he stays out of my way because he doesn't want the kids to be like him, afraid of "strange" food basically.
I am curious what your spouse says in response to the actual research that shows "good/bad" food etc gives kids complexes around food that won't pay off later in life. If he doesn't listen to you I wonder if you can have a private word with your kids' pediatrician and ask him/her to relay that info to your husband at the kids' next well visit. But I bet/hope other witches have better advice.
No advice (I wish!! I so wish I had some to offer!!), but solidarity and recognition - it’s so hard to have to do that conversation over and over again till it gets heard... I’ve been through the ringer/am constantly f$&@ing going through it with my husband over this past year and a half-ish, too. I have never once managed to stay neutral, though. Good on you for that!!
Oh! Wait! The chapter in Virginia Sole-Smith’s book Fat Talk that’s about dads! That was a helpful one, and I read him (unintentionally incendiary) passages from it. That book is gold. And while I wish I could say that was a turning point in those conversations, (spoiler, it was not) it definitely backed me the hell up, which was quite nice.
Thank you for this thoughtful article! There is a terrible local commercial that comes on every radio station we listen to that literally begins, "Are you tired of feeling FAT?" Ugh, I hate it so much! I always very quickly switch to another station, but at this point I feel like I probably pull more attention to it because of that fact, lol.
local radio will always make you feel like a jerk. see (hear): the commercials that shame people who sleep separately ("sleep divorce") to sell anti-snoring surgery.
So much wisdom in here!!