I’m going to the beach twice today, even though it’s going to be in the 90’s and it’s blazingly sunny. This wouldn’t happen if I hadn’t gotten my Sport-Brella*.
This summer, my main goal was to be more comfortable when I went to the beach, and after exhaustive research (i.e. reading this), I decided this tent/umbrella hybrid was for me since it seemed easy to set up—and it is! Also, it packs up skinny and light (just like me [lol.])
It is very satisfying when you have high hopes that a thing might improve your life in some marginal way, and it does. Especially someplace like the beach, which can be a huge pain when it’s uncomfortable or the best time ever when all goes well. Summer goal: achieved.
What was one thing that made your summer 2023 a little more fun or memorable? It doesn’t have to be a product: experiences and achievements and recipes are good too.
Not a product, but my kid finally being a good enough swimmer to go into the water by himself while I read in the shade. I mean, I guess swim lessons are a product, so I give those five stars.
oh man, I came here to write this EXACT thing. it happened for us at the very tail end of last summer, and so we got a sneak preview about how glorious it was. not only did it make this summer feel extra wonderful, it made my life easier when we visited my parents because they could handle the boys at the pool and I could stay home in the A/C and watch TV.
I've been trying out different approaches with my almost 9-year-old, who was recently diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. I've figured out that a lot of tension with her arises from a misalignment of expectations - sometimes she has invented an amazingly fun weekend in her head that we know nothing of and that does not match reality in any way; other times she hears a "maybe I don't know" as a "yes" and then when it's not in fact happening, she views it as us lying to her, which, I've learned through many conversations, means we don't care about or love her. Sigh.
One of the solves that's helpful the most: a whiteboard family calendar on the fridge and another whiteboard space where we make lists. At the start of the summer, I had her write down her wish list of things to do this summer (eg, beach, bike, ride a pony, zoo, see bunnies and chickens at this cool play garden) and I added 1-2 things I wanted to do too. And, much to my amazement, we actually fucking did them! Haha.
I think it helped her to take a longer view. Like, we're not going to do beach and zoo in the same day but we probably could in the same month. It also helped me slot in things she really wanted to do and use those things for some 1:1 time with me (sans her little sister).
I used the calendar to help her see what camp was happening each week and which parent was doing dropoff and pickup (also a big source of conflict) and what weekend activities we had planned.
It all takes a lot of proactive planning and coaching on my part, which I've got plenty of resentment for, but it takes way less effort and energy than dealing with constant meltdowns, so I think it's a win!
Realizing as I write this that I should have her make a fall wish list too to help with the transition out of summer and into school.
Oh, one more as this is helping me remember my hard-fought wins! I've had her give a star rating for each camp she's done and we keep a running list with that. At the start of each one, I've said, "Give it a try. If you don't like it, give it 0 stars at the end of the week and then we won't sign up for it again." Everything is has gotten 3 or 5 stars!
These are amazing ideas! And thank you for reminding me to remind my husband to find his white board b/c we have ADHD + kids here as well and I want to do what you did--plot out the week in a visible way so it doesn't just live in my husbands' and my heads/Google calendars
When my parents were visiting at the end of the school year, she convinced my mom to take her to Target for a present on a particular day based on listing out her activities and other plans that fell on all the other days. I was like, holy shit - she knows her schedule and is strategically using it to con my mom into getting a new toy?!
I just wrote it out for September and I put the date her library books are due and the date by which we need to cancel a maddening Bluey iPad app subscription, otherwise she has to pay me for another month. 😂 This is probably expecting too much but very curious to see if it works for reminders for her.
Here are a couple of older issues but I am always happy to revisit this issue as well. We had a good summer with ours (after a couple of really rough ones) but it's in the back of my mind at that some point we'll need a med increase, or he might not be able to handle sleepovers the way his brother can and he'll be sad, etc. Fresh hell always on the horizon. Ever vigilant.
Thank you so much! I remember reading these last year and thinking, “Hey, this sounds like my kid! Hmmmm…” Now that we’re a bit farther down this path, it’s very helpful to go back to these resources!
Yes! I did one a while ago and I’ll dig up the links but there are always new things to explore for yourself and your kids. Lately I’ve been finding the ADHD Dude helpful.
I buy very fancy temp tattoos once or twice a year during sale events and I bring them to parties and give them to children and they think I'm HOT SHIT
Okay and I also tape a bunch at a time to a piece of paper and put the papers inside those plastic paper holders for binders and kids flip through them like they're picking out a real tattoo and it just blows their little minds
I have an 11-year-old boy that has refused to partake in my giant collection of stickers and temp tattoos bc he is too cool. I am auntie to 2 small boys and many friends' children of multiple genders and yes I'm a cool aunt to them all.
Lime green patio umbrella. We’ve always had black or taupe, the most neutral of blah. This spring I went with lime green. Every day I see it. It makes me happy. (Btw no one in my family has mentioned it. So it might also be invisible.)
Sending both my kids to overnight summer camp at the same time. It’s the first year and wow. I feel grateful we could make it happen and have 10 days of quiet and a recharge. Next summer will be 21 days!!!
Sep 4, 2023·edited Sep 4, 2023Liked by Claire Zulkey
Sticking with the beach theme.. a shaker full of cornstarch. Shake cornstarch onto sandy feet and watch the sand fall off like magic! And biodegradable. Used to use baby powder for this but talcum is a no-go nowdays… is a beach game changer.
Also can I add Solar Buddies refillable sunscreen applicators- they now do sunscreen themselves! Happily with no complaining and I buy one giant thing of consumer reports recommended Walmart sunscreen bottle to last a whole summer and we just refill.
Solar buddies!!! Helps so much for my kiddo who is stimulation sensitive to have that on their skin instead of what feels like a million fingers if I do it by hand
Zola, who headed off to her freshmen year in college this past week. And Leila, who spent her summer at a NYC internship, before also heading out this past week for a semester abroad.
Likely the last time when I have both kids in the same city at the same time, for sure.
Period panties and period swimsuit. I hate the logistics of menstruation, more so in the summer, so to just be able to wear these and be free has revolutionized my entire relationship to my nether regions lol
I was thinking the other day about how my life changed the day someone told me you can just pull your one-piece crotch to the side to pee instead of taking the whole thing off.
Our simple two level Little Tikes water table has been beyond amazing for us this summer. My almost 3 year old really enjoys spending his time pouring, filling, doing all kinds of things while I sit and read, stare off into space, or simply feel a moment of relaxation and quiet. I LOVE it! Add a spray bottle, some old cups, acorns, and other oddities that he finds and he will be set. We put it by the hose which is also a shady spot. It is perfect.
It was definitely escaping for one night to see Beyoncé, the greatest artist of our time. It was definitely not ending the summer hosting my MIL. Why oh why
I used to get really annoyed by people who complained about their MILs but then she told me she regretted coming to spend Christmas with us in 2019 out of the blue and I was in such a fog of exhaustion with 3 very small children and then the pandemic happened and I was like haha!! can’t see us now but then I just opened my home to her like usual but honestly what an ass you know? Every time I’m like “never again!!!” but I’m not evil, just a witch. Wait, was this a happy summer thread?
Telling myself to just trust that it will be ok. We did a lot of climbing courses and ziplines. I just assumed it was all safe and that I'd be fine. And I was.
My vitamix (which I have had a long time, but just started keeping on the counter.) I've been having a frozen watermelon smoothie basically every day (there is always watermelon, it is a major food group for my toddler) and it is delicious and refreshing and easy.
I made a bunch of variations on this smashed chickpea salad this summer, and had it for lunch on a sandwich easily like 3-4 times a week. Loved having a quick, yummy, reasonably wholesome, shelf-stable and vegetarian lunch staple this summer: https://smittenkitchen.com/2009/01/smashed-chickpea-salad/
I did too ! Okay, so at one point I added... mustard on my bread, and a big slice of pickles and.... that was so good. In a baguette ! But I'm French so it's everywhere for me...
We had an absolute shit summer, but the things that made it bearable were springing for the pool pass even though paying per visit was cheaper (somehow, it psyched me into wanting to go as much as possible), and the outdoor furniture I got for the porch when we moved in. It’s out of stock, but maybe it’ll turn up somewhere else. It’s small enough to fit and large enough to be functional, and I love it so much (especially when my family is VERY LOUD and I want to lie on a couch and read in silence):
Not really a summer product, but I bought one of those mini dash pancake makers and it’s made breakfast for my toddler significantly better. No sizzling stovetop. Etc. Plus it’s less watching it. Writing this makes me feel so boring but literally every day I’m like “this was a good purchase!”
Cancer surgery last fall threw me into surgical menopause and hot flashes.
Living in an area with horrible humidity in the summer means I had to figure out how to dress for HOT humid weather.
Being child-free, I had no idea the glory of maternity clothes. Those people know how to dress hormonal people lol.
Maternity underwear, maternity shorts, and this maternity dress have given me a new outlook on life. (i have no affiliation with Storq, I just love their dresses).
1. Tegus and PlusPluses for airplanes. Tegus ya gotta keep track of but you can leave a trail of PlusPluses on your journey and still arrive with plenty.
2. Bowl of cold pasta + 6 ish toppings + dressing. Everyone makes their own bowl. One kid eats only pasta and black olives but one now eats radishes.
3. Camp. Kids first time at any camps (camps weren't a thing where I'm from so unsure what to expect)and everyone had all around positive experiences. We qualified for free camp here in SF so that may be heavily clouding my judgement. About 4 weeks total. The soccer camp asked for one of my twins to come back for a second week.
4. All the stuff about not actually being in the water with your kids.!!!
5. Rompers for adults and kids. Really simplifies packing. We have terry cloth ones with zippers.
I sent my rising HS senior (gulp) to a 2-week ethical leadership program in Costa Rica (NO PHONES THE ENTIRE TIME) and a 2-week pre-college program at Syracuse U (she had her phone but barely used it bc she was busy having fun/living her life). It was expensive AF and I spent a lot of my summer to-ing/fro-ing and doing last-minute supply runs... but she had the most excellent summer and finally *met her people* at Syracuse, which bodes so well for things to come. It was also a very good preview for me of what empty nesting as a single mom may be like.... Mostly great! A little sad! Also the dog gets a lot more attention!
Deciding for myself that the two nights I cook dinner would be 1) sandwich night and 2) salad night. Somehow this made choosing what to make on each night much more simple! I don’t think anyone else even noticed. Well, no complaints anyway. Evolving for fall - I’m thinking soup and grain bowl maybe? Anything that makes “what’s for a dinner” less annoying.
that's a really good system: simple, not heavy, not complicated, riffable. I need to find my fall rotation as well. I really killed chili for myself by overmaking it and that's such a shame since it's so easy to make/freeze/the kids like it. But I also think mom sometimes deserves to enjoy dinner as well, hot take...
One other thing we did that truly improved our summer specifically was install what I call “rich lady blinds” that can be programmed and block light and UV and then blackout curtains in our bedroom and toddlers room. Wow. Huge quality of life improvement. They were expensive as hell but I’ll do it every place I live now just for the hours of additional sleep and how much cooler it is!
I need to buy some new shades . I’m sure it will save us at least $100 a year and heating and cooling. It’s just one of those things I never want to get around to.
Electrolytes!! Specifically the unusually salty LMNT electrolyte powder my crossfit husband had. I never understood why no matter how much I hydrated I always felt shitty. It’s the electrolytes!!
Omg, is it the powdered drink mix of CrossFit husbands everywhere?? Bc mine brings home his special group-of-CrossFit buddies-order of LMNT and yeah, it’s no Brawndo, but it’s got electrolytes! Total game changer for my hydration, too, I agree. I guess I can put up with hearing how many whoopdedoobees he squatpulled or whatever, as long as he brings more home...
My sister-in-law gifted me one of those ubiquitous, giant Stanley cups that keep drinks cold for 48 hours. I never would have purchased it myself but I’m kind of obsessed with it. It was so needed when the “real feel” temp was 117 degrees in Chicago recently!
Also, I threw myself a birthday party for the first time in 15 years and it was everything I wanted it to be. Why should kids have all the bday party fun?
I also threw myself a (50th) birthday party after a rough year of stress and loss. It was so fun! And my son is old enough that he left the house & my daughter did a great job being an impromptu assistant hostess. We outsourced the food, the playlist was great, and as a bonus, we raised $4k for our local Make-A-Wish chapter because I don't need 25 bottles of wine!
Woohoo, love to hear this! I'm so glad you celebrated a milestone birthday as well!! Wish I had thought of the bday combo fundraiser ... I said no gifts and most people complied, but raising money for a cause that's important to me would have been pretty sweet. Tucking that away for next time!
That’s awesome. What did you do for the party? I have seen how those cups are very coveted among teen and tween girls, so I was curious whether they were valuable beyond that.
I had a daytime party at Bang Bang Pie! Super fun.
Ha, I always see the Stanley in memes of the “suburban mom” look so that was my familiarity with it. But my sister who used to live in Texas says they are super popular there among all ages because of their cold-keeping powers!
I did nor get it, but I actually used it: a flash ice tea maker. Brew tea in it. Fill it the rest of the way up with ice and shake it. It is great!! Especially fond of strawberry peach rooibos from Queen Mary tea in Seattle.
Also, I closed my business (that was not making money) and got my life back (or that is how it feels). So good quitting.
After an exhausting and complicated fertility journey and pregnancy for my 2nd, I got over my shit enough to have a scheduled cesarean, supported by wonderful advice of witches here. Still in recovery land but already, as one piece of advice said: 10/10 recommend! My baby's pretty cute too 🤪
Just got back from a staycation (only went 1.5 hours away) with my husband and 3 year old, and it was a joy! We've traveled a fair amount, but always with or to see family or friends. Getting to only do what we wanted to do (and not having to please anyone else) was magic. Stilll tiring, but magic.
I went to see Taylor Swift in Denver (night two!) with a dear girlfriend of mine. We rode her eBike to the stadium and felt every feeling under the sun and screamed and danced and cried and sang and traded friendship bracelets and ate bar pizza after at 1am. It was a pure joy I have never experienced before.
After moving to a town with no town pool, we joined the country club for the summer. I wrung my hands for a while about not really being "country club people" but I needn't have - it was not at all fussy and was honestly the source of our easiest, happiest summer days. Two lifeguards on duty plus kids who can mostly swim now, like without me being in the water with them, was absolutely a win. But the truly game-changing aspect: an onsite restaurant in the "clubhouse" (sounds fancy, actually musty and kind of elevated dive-bar-y) with - here's the life changing aspect - college kids working as waiters, hustling around the pool taking outdoor orders on ipads, from your lounge chair. The ability to just summon chicken tenders, fries, lemonade, beer, and whatever else, without having to get anybody out of the pool/up from their towel/shod/etc? absolutely priceless. Actually not priceless - but the summer membership cost less than the summer/pool membership at the local gym, and the clubhouse food was about the same cost as hitting a drive thru, so - not priceless, but well worth the cost.
I'm so glad it worked out! My parents belong to a club as well and have reservations about being around country club people, some of whom are perfectly nice and some of whom are exactly what you'd expect (kids who don't pick up after themselves, one lady bitching out loud to anyone who would listen this weekend--"I've belonged here for 10 years and I've never seen people abuse chair-saving like this!") but from a parent perspective that pool/lifeguard/snack shop business is the shit.
I do have to say that, of course, because we found the holy grail pool situation, we spent whole weeks being unable to swim - some due to my asthmastic 9-year old's extreme reaction to wildfire smoke, some due to my insane 6-year old's intense stitches of early summer and BROKEN NOSE PLUS SURGERY TO REPAIR SAID NOSE of late summer - but even with those, idk, five-ish total weeks where we could not go to the pool, I still say: WORTH IT.
The nose thing sounds like hell but at least none of your people took a poop in the pool, shutting it down for several hours, which I have seen happen. And I've always been grateful it wasn't b/c of anyone I came with.
So the biggest thing that made my summer a wee bit easier was deciding that each of the four of us gets to choose their favorite dinner one night a week, and then we have leftovers, takeout, and snack plate on the other three nights. I only have to choose what I want! It sort of kind of ensures that some of them will eat something at least once a week! I thought we’d just try it out for summer, but no, this is forever.
Grandma living in a complex with a pool has turned out to be a big late summer bonus. Kid gets tired swimming, mom and grandma do lunch while kid gets tablet time, and SAHD husband gets a nap and time to himself (which is precious as the kid is currently in half day kindergarten).
I think I've been letting go of most expectations for most people to do things like be on time or even show up to something they said they would do. Or even to be sane at all, given that my closest aunt's dementia has gotten profoundly worse this year, my uncle is losing it trying to take care of her, and also my dad is losing his short term memory. If people are merely taking care of themselves, I'm impressed and happy for them. They don't need to do anything else. My new perspective has helped me let go of unnecessary annoyance and social stress, which is good for summer. Here's when I used it: A friend family was supposed to come to the beach this summer and we'd asked them months in advance and I kept checking in each month and each time they said they were so excited. But they'd canceled on trips last-minute before and I had to somehow remain friends with them because I love them even though I find this sort of cancellation appalling especially when kids are involved. Anyway, I had a feeling they would cancel, and my premonition helped me but my new perspective also helped me when the inevitable happened about three days before the trip. First, I had prepared and invited other people at strategic times. There was still a bit of a gap for my extroverted child so when the cancellation happened (we happened to be in public), I turned to the next friend who was there and asked if they wanted to come instead. It wasn't a panic move -- I just realized at the time that a) other people's chaos is not about me b) there are plenty of friends c) whatever is fine; it's vacation, not graduate school. I could even sit there at the pool and have fun with the canceling friend without feeling resentful, in the moment that it happened, and also summon up the empathy to just accept that their planning skills probably caused them more stress than I could tell but, again, it wasn't about me. It's their life. This new perspective gives me more peace than how I would have operated a few years ago.
Joined a pool. Resisted for a bit due to cost but it was so worth it this summer. Especially those evenings when you need to get out of the house for just a few hours. Tired kids - perfect.
I loved reading everyone's comments in this thread! Also jealous of those with independent kid swimmers, because my summer involved a lot of stressing over my non-swimming kids being in and around the pool. One even fell in the deep end reaching for a ball, so that was fun to see one of my biggest fears play out in real-time (he's fine... I'm traumatized).
One thing that made my summer more fun––a night away with my husband, sister, and brother-in-law to a small theatre town to see Rent (the musical), eat good meals, and sleep in a hotel. Need to remember to do things like that more often.
Uggh that sounds so scary! I'm glad he was OK. Everyone swims at their own pace. I am still a little mad at the dad who a few years ago at his daughter's pool b'day party kind of asked why my son didn't take off his floatie and just jump in the deep end. Yes your daughter is a strong swimmer and mine is a little scared baby, noted! (My son eventually caught up.)
I'm glad you were able to get away and do some grownup shizz this summer.
Two of this style of picnic blanket which we have used since the outside all the time summer of 2020 and take everywhere: https://posh.mk/TEQbSXXqPCb
Also our new tent which my inside preferring husband agreed to go camping in not one but three times and having those trips booked out once a month through the summer so we actually got out and did stuff
Sep 11, 2023·edited Sep 11, 2023Liked by Claire Zulkey
Continuing with the beach theme...I got an anchor. It sounds so silly but a day in a tube away from the edge of the water but not floating away while my kids collected shells and my husband sat under our sunshade with the dog was perfection.
A sampling of one-week day camps for my kiddo and one week of overnight camp. He got a try a few different things and has a couple he really wants to do next year (including overnight - hooray!)
We also did a lot of regional road trips, which is less stress these days than flying somewhere.
This was a hard summer - my first bout with COVID and then my first attack of kidney stones (and a surgery that kicked my butt). It all meant that I extra-loved the little bit of attention we put into our backyard - we added some greenery to our low-maintenance yard (inspired by Anne Helen Peterson’s garden newsletter on native plants) AND we bought a couch/swing thing at the end-of-summer sale that is my new favorite place. I’ll go out and have coffee there in the morning, I’ll sit there in the evening while my husband grills dinner. It’s the best - something about the swinging motion is SO relaxing. And it was on sale! It’s not this exactly but close… https://www.farmstore.com/product/backyard-expressions-three-seater-patio-swing-with-canopy-909726/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAsRngn-aq83KHZluwVoocHNFNxHN7dz2tQVmuEc7axFrOQFZpikqlwaAkRLEALw_wcB
thank you for the link! I'm sorry you had such a hard summer health wise. A friend of mine just also got her stones pulverized and said how good she felt leaving the hospital but then the meds wore off...different story.
Super simple and yet a game changer: a sling for my water bottle. Changed everything about traveling. I'm a Yeti queen but they come in all sizes for all makes and models
Not a product, but my kid finally being a good enough swimmer to go into the water by himself while I read in the shade. I mean, I guess swim lessons are a product, so I give those five stars.
It really is a mile stone that doesn’t get enough credit. Congrats on getting there.
We hit that firmly this summer, and wow indeed does it make life easier!
God, yes. We hit this at the tail end of summer and it’s going to be my touchstone all winter.
They day you don't have to carry a child around a pool..................it all starts getting easier!
oh man, I came here to write this EXACT thing. it happened for us at the very tail end of last summer, and so we got a sneak preview about how glorious it was. not only did it make this summer feel extra wonderful, it made my life easier when we visited my parents because they could handle the boys at the pool and I could stay home in the A/C and watch TV.
yes! They passed the savings on to you.
My kid is wiping his own butt mostly successfully. {Takes bow.}
:::::gif of everyone in the whole world standing an applauding:::: seriously!
I've been trying out different approaches with my almost 9-year-old, who was recently diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. I've figured out that a lot of tension with her arises from a misalignment of expectations - sometimes she has invented an amazingly fun weekend in her head that we know nothing of and that does not match reality in any way; other times she hears a "maybe I don't know" as a "yes" and then when it's not in fact happening, she views it as us lying to her, which, I've learned through many conversations, means we don't care about or love her. Sigh.
One of the solves that's helpful the most: a whiteboard family calendar on the fridge and another whiteboard space where we make lists. At the start of the summer, I had her write down her wish list of things to do this summer (eg, beach, bike, ride a pony, zoo, see bunnies and chickens at this cool play garden) and I added 1-2 things I wanted to do too. And, much to my amazement, we actually fucking did them! Haha.
I think it helped her to take a longer view. Like, we're not going to do beach and zoo in the same day but we probably could in the same month. It also helped me slot in things she really wanted to do and use those things for some 1:1 time with me (sans her little sister).
I used the calendar to help her see what camp was happening each week and which parent was doing dropoff and pickup (also a big source of conflict) and what weekend activities we had planned.
It all takes a lot of proactive planning and coaching on my part, which I've got plenty of resentment for, but it takes way less effort and energy than dealing with constant meltdowns, so I think it's a win!
Realizing as I write this that I should have her make a fall wish list too to help with the transition out of summer and into school.
Oh, one more as this is helping me remember my hard-fought wins! I've had her give a star rating for each camp she's done and we keep a running list with that. At the start of each one, I've said, "Give it a try. If you don't like it, give it 0 stars at the end of the week and then we won't sign up for it again." Everything is has gotten 3 or 5 stars!
These are amazing ideas! And thank you for reminding me to remind my husband to find his white board b/c we have ADHD + kids here as well and I want to do what you did--plot out the week in a visible way so it doesn't just live in my husbands' and my heads/Google calendars
When my parents were visiting at the end of the school year, she convinced my mom to take her to Target for a present on a particular day based on listing out her activities and other plans that fell on all the other days. I was like, holy shit - she knows her schedule and is strategically using it to con my mom into getting a new toy?!
I just wrote it out for September and I put the date her library books are due and the date by which we need to cancel a maddening Bluey iPad app subscription, otherwise she has to pay me for another month. 😂 This is probably expecting too much but very curious to see if it works for reminders for her.
A reader request: can you do a call for ADHD tips sometime?
Related: We've also recently started using this Time Timer whiteboard for her morning routine and the deal is "if you complete the steps we've listed, the rest of the time is "tiempo libre" and you can watch TV or play - truly the faster I've ever seen her get dressed. She has way more time before summer camp than school but hoping we can make this work for the school year too. (School starts Wednesday here so I am deep in BTS anxiety!) https://www.timetimer.com/products/time-timer-dry-erase-board?variant=40061926015074¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&cmp_id=17953284429&adg_id=&kwd=&device=m&gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAtjmHduE5QihvmzQwyjmN2vn2VmZ2Hr5uW4fKeliHEFPXM0_sHvDsIaAt2kEALw_wcB
Here are a couple of older issues but I am always happy to revisit this issue as well. We had a good summer with ours (after a couple of really rough ones) but it's in the back of my mind at that some point we'll need a med increase, or he might not be able to handle sleepovers the way his brother can and he'll be sad, etc. Fresh hell always on the horizon. Ever vigilant.
https://evilwitches.substack.com/p/how-do-i-manage-this-adhd-child-of
https://evilwitches.substack.com/p/questions-for-a-witchy-adhd-expert
Thank you so much! I remember reading these last year and thinking, “Hey, this sounds like my kid! Hmmmm…” Now that we’re a bit farther down this path, it’s very helpful to go back to these resources!
Yes! I did one a while ago and I’ll dig up the links but there are always new things to explore for yourself and your kids. Lately I’ve been finding the ADHD Dude helpful.
The ADHD journey...whew! Three years later and we’re still discovering new ways to figure things out. Fingers crossed for a good uear!!
Thank you! ❤️
I buy very fancy temp tattoos once or twice a year during sale events and I bring them to parties and give them to children and they think I'm HOT SHIT
Okay this is an A++ life hack generally
Okay and I also tape a bunch at a time to a piece of paper and put the papers inside those plastic paper holders for binders and kids flip through them like they're picking out a real tattoo and it just blows their little minds
Is it rude for me to assume you don’t have any kids of your own? This sounds extremely Cool Auntie / Badass Granny
Kids see me walk in the door and they're like "I'LL GET THE WASHCLOTH!!!!"
Your reputation precedes you!
I have an 11-year-old boy that has refused to partake in my giant collection of stickers and temp tattoos bc he is too cool. I am auntie to 2 small boys and many friends' children of multiple genders and yes I'm a cool aunt to them all.
P. aggravated that the annual sale happens early July which means I have a long time to wait before I get banana car https://tattly.com/collections/whats-new/products/bananas-gorilla-car-tattoo
Lime green patio umbrella. We’ve always had black or taupe, the most neutral of blah. This spring I went with lime green. Every day I see it. It makes me happy. (Btw no one in my family has mentioned it. So it might also be invisible.)
that almost makes it better. just you and greenie vs. the world.
I love this. I have a bright yellow umbrella that makes me smile. A joy to open up in the morning.
Sending both my kids to overnight summer camp at the same time. It’s the first year and wow. I feel grateful we could make it happen and have 10 days of quiet and a recharge. Next summer will be 21 days!!!
I am so excited for that day. Double rainbow!!
I have 2 under 4 and reading this made me do a double take. That sounds amazing and I know it was a long road to get there!!
Sticking with the beach theme.. a shaker full of cornstarch. Shake cornstarch onto sandy feet and watch the sand fall off like magic! And biodegradable. Used to use baby powder for this but talcum is a no-go nowdays… is a beach game changer.
Also can I add Solar Buddies refillable sunscreen applicators- they now do sunscreen themselves! Happily with no complaining and I buy one giant thing of consumer reports recommended Walmart sunscreen bottle to last a whole summer and we just refill.
Solar buddies!!! Helps so much for my kiddo who is stimulation sensitive to have that on their skin instead of what feels like a million fingers if I do it by hand
Am buying solar buddies now for my TEENAGERS. (Sorry, getting them to use sunscreen actually is harder bc now you can't make them do it.)
Love this. I’ll be checking those out.
My daughters.
Zola, who headed off to her freshmen year in college this past week. And Leila, who spent her summer at a NYC internship, before also heading out this past week for a semester abroad.
Likely the last time when I have both kids in the same city at the same time, for sure.
Congratulations on these independent milestones although I am sure them heading out is bittersweet!
Period panties and period swimsuit. I hate the logistics of menstruation, more so in the summer, so to just be able to wear these and be free has revolutionized my entire relationship to my nether regions lol
yesss!!
I was thinking the other day about how my life changed the day someone told me you can just pull your one-piece crotch to the side to pee instead of taking the whole thing off.
Our simple two level Little Tikes water table has been beyond amazing for us this summer. My almost 3 year old really enjoys spending his time pouring, filling, doing all kinds of things while I sit and read, stare off into space, or simply feel a moment of relaxation and quiet. I LOVE it! Add a spray bottle, some old cups, acorns, and other oddities that he finds and he will be set. We put it by the hose which is also a shady spot. It is perfect.
that is so great! I had fantasies ours would occupy our kids like that but not for as long as I wished...
Similarly, I had a toddler who liked playing with water but did not like being wet so you can imagine what happened there.
It was definitely escaping for one night to see Beyoncé, the greatest artist of our time. It was definitely not ending the summer hosting my MIL. Why oh why
Oh man! So she’s not riding in on a crystal horse I guess
I used to get really annoyed by people who complained about their MILs but then she told me she regretted coming to spend Christmas with us in 2019 out of the blue and I was in such a fog of exhaustion with 3 very small children and then the pandemic happened and I was like haha!! can’t see us now but then I just opened my home to her like usual but honestly what an ass you know? Every time I’m like “never again!!!” but I’m not evil, just a witch. Wait, was this a happy summer thread?
there is never a bad time to vent about a MIL; evergreen topic.
Telling myself to just trust that it will be ok. We did a lot of climbing courses and ziplines. I just assumed it was all safe and that I'd be fine. And I was.
that is awesome!
My vitamix (which I have had a long time, but just started keeping on the counter.) I've been having a frozen watermelon smoothie basically every day (there is always watermelon, it is a major food group for my toddler) and it is delicious and refreshing and easy.
that sounds so good. For some reason I never got around to buying a fresh pitcher and I missed having summer refreshers around (I like mint iced tea)
I made a bunch of variations on this smashed chickpea salad this summer, and had it for lunch on a sandwich easily like 3-4 times a week. Loved having a quick, yummy, reasonably wholesome, shelf-stable and vegetarian lunch staple this summer: https://smittenkitchen.com/2009/01/smashed-chickpea-salad/
I love that recipe. What kind of bread do you use for the sandwiches? I like it on Almond Nut Thins but I can stand to switch up my repertoire.
I did too ! Okay, so at one point I added... mustard on my bread, and a big slice of pickles and.... that was so good. In a baguette ! But I'm French so it's everywhere for me...
I either did a toasted sourdough or Triscuits!
I just whispered "f*** yes" to this
Love me some chickpea salad! Even got one kid into it.
I like Boudin Sourdough crackers from Costco with mine.
I love this too!
We had an absolute shit summer, but the things that made it bearable were springing for the pool pass even though paying per visit was cheaper (somehow, it psyched me into wanting to go as much as possible), and the outdoor furniture I got for the porch when we moved in. It’s out of stock, but maybe it’ll turn up somewhere else. It’s small enough to fit and large enough to be functional, and I love it so much (especially when my family is VERY LOUD and I want to lie on a couch and read in silence):
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Better-Homes-Gardens-Bryde-Sectional-Sofa-and-Loveseat-Low-Seating-Patio-Set-3-Pieces/266679597
I'm sorry you guys had such a shitty summer but I am glad you were able to make an outdoor room for yourself to escape to
Thanks! We’re headed upwards now.
Not really a summer product, but I bought one of those mini dash pancake makers and it’s made breakfast for my toddler significantly better. No sizzling stovetop. Etc. Plus it’s less watching it. Writing this makes me feel so boring but literally every day I’m like “this was a good purchase!”
I guarantee you there is at least one other person who will read this who was on the fence about getting one and this will push them over the edge!
You are all making me feel less lame
May I recommend the waffle version, you can make tons of stuff into tiny waffles (cookie dough, grilled cheese, hash browns) and everyone loves it.
Mine is skull shaped 💀
relevant to our interests!!!
I have no idea what this magical machine is, and now I must have one.
We have one and I totally agree.
Cancer surgery last fall threw me into surgical menopause and hot flashes.
Living in an area with horrible humidity in the summer means I had to figure out how to dress for HOT humid weather.
Being child-free, I had no idea the glory of maternity clothes. Those people know how to dress hormonal people lol.
Maternity underwear, maternity shorts, and this maternity dress have given me a new outlook on life. (i have no affiliation with Storq, I just love their dresses).
https://storq.com/products/maternity-caftan-dress
RAYON is my new best friend.
Also: paper fans.
1. Tegus and PlusPluses for airplanes. Tegus ya gotta keep track of but you can leave a trail of PlusPluses on your journey and still arrive with plenty.
2. Bowl of cold pasta + 6 ish toppings + dressing. Everyone makes their own bowl. One kid eats only pasta and black olives but one now eats radishes.
3. Camp. Kids first time at any camps (camps weren't a thing where I'm from so unsure what to expect)and everyone had all around positive experiences. We qualified for free camp here in SF so that may be heavily clouding my judgement. About 4 weeks total. The soccer camp asked for one of my twins to come back for a second week.
4. All the stuff about not actually being in the water with your kids.!!!
5. Rompers for adults and kids. Really simplifies packing. We have terry cloth ones with zippers.
Goggles with a bungee strap, like these!! https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B081ZW9KY8/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_plhdr=t&aaxitk=adb6996fbf73aea3b9b610663e4173a7&hsa_cr_id=4620687420801&qid=1693853676&sr=1-2-3c6b3b04-89d4-46ee-857c-1e2f0de6a70e&ref_=sbx_be_s_sparkle_lsi2m_asin_1_rating&pd_rd_w=JW8r2&content-id=amzn1.sym.2a7ca7f7-ae4b-4de2-8864-98b982a78a47%3Aamzn1.sym.2a7ca7f7-ae4b-4de2-8864-98b982a78a47&pf_rd_p=2a7ca7f7-ae4b-4de2-8864-98b982a78a47&pf_rd_r=TCVAADX4FS2TWPX08AME&pd_rd_wg=naReT&pd_rd_r=e79b48ed-9958-4322-8aba-8cab2f289ff8#customerReviews
Sooooo much easier to adjust than other goggles. These "kid" pairs fit my head too!!
I sent my rising HS senior (gulp) to a 2-week ethical leadership program in Costa Rica (NO PHONES THE ENTIRE TIME) and a 2-week pre-college program at Syracuse U (she had her phone but barely used it bc she was busy having fun/living her life). It was expensive AF and I spent a lot of my summer to-ing/fro-ing and doing last-minute supply runs... but she had the most excellent summer and finally *met her people* at Syracuse, which bodes so well for things to come. It was also a very good preview for me of what empty nesting as a single mom may be like.... Mostly great! A little sad! Also the dog gets a lot more attention!
cheers to you! *You* did good raising this brave independent morally conscious child!!
Deciding for myself that the two nights I cook dinner would be 1) sandwich night and 2) salad night. Somehow this made choosing what to make on each night much more simple! I don’t think anyone else even noticed. Well, no complaints anyway. Evolving for fall - I’m thinking soup and grain bowl maybe? Anything that makes “what’s for a dinner” less annoying.
that's a really good system: simple, not heavy, not complicated, riffable. I need to find my fall rotation as well. I really killed chili for myself by overmaking it and that's such a shame since it's so easy to make/freeze/the kids like it. But I also think mom sometimes deserves to enjoy dinner as well, hot take...
One other thing we did that truly improved our summer specifically was install what I call “rich lady blinds” that can be programmed and block light and UV and then blackout curtains in our bedroom and toddlers room. Wow. Huge quality of life improvement. They were expensive as hell but I’ll do it every place I live now just for the hours of additional sleep and how much cooler it is!
I need to buy some new shades . I’m sure it will save us at least $100 a year and heating and cooling. It’s just one of those things I never want to get around to.
Blackout shades with the honey comb - very hot where we live and the house is significantly cooler!
Electrolytes!! Specifically the unusually salty LMNT electrolyte powder my crossfit husband had. I never understood why no matter how much I hydrated I always felt shitty. It’s the electrolytes!!
I tried Superieur electrolytes on Carla Lalli Music's Substack recommendation and lord, are they good! Kept me going through COVID, A+++
Omg, is it the powdered drink mix of CrossFit husbands everywhere?? Bc mine brings home his special group-of-CrossFit buddies-order of LMNT and yeah, it’s no Brawndo, but it’s got electrolytes! Total game changer for my hydration, too, I agree. I guess I can put up with hearing how many whoopdedoobees he squatpulled or whatever, as long as he brings more home...
My sister-in-law gifted me one of those ubiquitous, giant Stanley cups that keep drinks cold for 48 hours. I never would have purchased it myself but I’m kind of obsessed with it. It was so needed when the “real feel” temp was 117 degrees in Chicago recently!
Also, I threw myself a birthday party for the first time in 15 years and it was everything I wanted it to be. Why should kids have all the bday party fun?
I also threw myself a (50th) birthday party after a rough year of stress and loss. It was so fun! And my son is old enough that he left the house & my daughter did a great job being an impromptu assistant hostess. We outsourced the food, the playlist was great, and as a bonus, we raised $4k for our local Make-A-Wish chapter because I don't need 25 bottles of wine!
go you!! Happy belated birthday, btw
Woohoo, love to hear this! I'm so glad you celebrated a milestone birthday as well!! Wish I had thought of the bday combo fundraiser ... I said no gifts and most people complied, but raising money for a cause that's important to me would have been pretty sweet. Tucking that away for next time!
That’s awesome. What did you do for the party? I have seen how those cups are very coveted among teen and tween girls, so I was curious whether they were valuable beyond that.
I had a daytime party at Bang Bang Pie! Super fun.
Ha, I always see the Stanley in memes of the “suburban mom” look so that was my familiarity with it. But my sister who used to live in Texas says they are super popular there among all ages because of their cold-keeping powers!
I did nor get it, but I actually used it: a flash ice tea maker. Brew tea in it. Fill it the rest of the way up with ice and shake it. It is great!! Especially fond of strawberry peach rooibos from Queen Mary tea in Seattle.
Also, I closed my business (that was not making money) and got my life back (or that is how it feels). So good quitting.
What!! Link please to the iced tea machine!
Takeya Premium Quality Iced Tea Maker Made in The USA, BPA Free, 2 qt, Blueberry https://a.co/d/g6KTKSf
I own it in avocado.
I just ordered it in that exact color. Thanks, influencer!
After an exhausting and complicated fertility journey and pregnancy for my 2nd, I got over my shit enough to have a scheduled cesarean, supported by wonderful advice of witches here. Still in recovery land but already, as one piece of advice said: 10/10 recommend! My baby's pretty cute too 🤪
Just got back from a staycation (only went 1.5 hours away) with my husband and 3 year old, and it was a joy! We've traveled a fair amount, but always with or to see family or friends. Getting to only do what we wanted to do (and not having to please anyone else) was magic. Stilll tiring, but magic.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I went to see Taylor Swift in Denver (night two!) with a dear girlfriend of mine. We rode her eBike to the stadium and felt every feeling under the sun and screamed and danced and cried and sang and traded friendship bracelets and ate bar pizza after at 1am. It was a pure joy I have never experienced before.
After moving to a town with no town pool, we joined the country club for the summer. I wrung my hands for a while about not really being "country club people" but I needn't have - it was not at all fussy and was honestly the source of our easiest, happiest summer days. Two lifeguards on duty plus kids who can mostly swim now, like without me being in the water with them, was absolutely a win. But the truly game-changing aspect: an onsite restaurant in the "clubhouse" (sounds fancy, actually musty and kind of elevated dive-bar-y) with - here's the life changing aspect - college kids working as waiters, hustling around the pool taking outdoor orders on ipads, from your lounge chair. The ability to just summon chicken tenders, fries, lemonade, beer, and whatever else, without having to get anybody out of the pool/up from their towel/shod/etc? absolutely priceless. Actually not priceless - but the summer membership cost less than the summer/pool membership at the local gym, and the clubhouse food was about the same cost as hitting a drive thru, so - not priceless, but well worth the cost.
I'm so glad it worked out! My parents belong to a club as well and have reservations about being around country club people, some of whom are perfectly nice and some of whom are exactly what you'd expect (kids who don't pick up after themselves, one lady bitching out loud to anyone who would listen this weekend--"I've belonged here for 10 years and I've never seen people abuse chair-saving like this!") but from a parent perspective that pool/lifeguard/snack shop business is the shit.
I do have to say that, of course, because we found the holy grail pool situation, we spent whole weeks being unable to swim - some due to my asthmastic 9-year old's extreme reaction to wildfire smoke, some due to my insane 6-year old's intense stitches of early summer and BROKEN NOSE PLUS SURGERY TO REPAIR SAID NOSE of late summer - but even with those, idk, five-ish total weeks where we could not go to the pool, I still say: WORTH IT.
The nose thing sounds like hell but at least none of your people took a poop in the pool, shutting it down for several hours, which I have seen happen. And I've always been grateful it wasn't b/c of anyone I came with.
So the biggest thing that made my summer a wee bit easier was deciding that each of the four of us gets to choose their favorite dinner one night a week, and then we have leftovers, takeout, and snack plate on the other three nights. I only have to choose what I want! It sort of kind of ensures that some of them will eat something at least once a week! I thought we’d just try it out for summer, but no, this is forever.
This is such a great idea!
That is great!
Grandma living in a complex with a pool has turned out to be a big late summer bonus. Kid gets tired swimming, mom and grandma do lunch while kid gets tablet time, and SAHD husband gets a nap and time to himself (which is precious as the kid is currently in half day kindergarten).
and then hopefully kiddo sleeps like a ROCK after. I bet Grandma loves showing off her grandkid too!
I think I've been letting go of most expectations for most people to do things like be on time or even show up to something they said they would do. Or even to be sane at all, given that my closest aunt's dementia has gotten profoundly worse this year, my uncle is losing it trying to take care of her, and also my dad is losing his short term memory. If people are merely taking care of themselves, I'm impressed and happy for them. They don't need to do anything else. My new perspective has helped me let go of unnecessary annoyance and social stress, which is good for summer. Here's when I used it: A friend family was supposed to come to the beach this summer and we'd asked them months in advance and I kept checking in each month and each time they said they were so excited. But they'd canceled on trips last-minute before and I had to somehow remain friends with them because I love them even though I find this sort of cancellation appalling especially when kids are involved. Anyway, I had a feeling they would cancel, and my premonition helped me but my new perspective also helped me when the inevitable happened about three days before the trip. First, I had prepared and invited other people at strategic times. There was still a bit of a gap for my extroverted child so when the cancellation happened (we happened to be in public), I turned to the next friend who was there and asked if they wanted to come instead. It wasn't a panic move -- I just realized at the time that a) other people's chaos is not about me b) there are plenty of friends c) whatever is fine; it's vacation, not graduate school. I could even sit there at the pool and have fun with the canceling friend without feeling resentful, in the moment that it happened, and also summon up the empathy to just accept that their planning skills probably caused them more stress than I could tell but, again, it wasn't about me. It's their life. This new perspective gives me more peace than how I would have operated a few years ago.
And, the second family was a great addition to our trip. It was all very fun and my mind flexibility is what made that possible.
Wow-- I'm copying this to come back to and remind myself of it. "Other people's chaos is not about me" !!!
Joined a pool. Resisted for a bit due to cost but it was so worth it this summer. Especially those evenings when you need to get out of the house for just a few hours. Tired kids - perfect.
I loved reading everyone's comments in this thread! Also jealous of those with independent kid swimmers, because my summer involved a lot of stressing over my non-swimming kids being in and around the pool. One even fell in the deep end reaching for a ball, so that was fun to see one of my biggest fears play out in real-time (he's fine... I'm traumatized).
One thing that made my summer more fun––a night away with my husband, sister, and brother-in-law to a small theatre town to see Rent (the musical), eat good meals, and sleep in a hotel. Need to remember to do things like that more often.
Uggh that sounds so scary! I'm glad he was OK. Everyone swims at their own pace. I am still a little mad at the dad who a few years ago at his daughter's pool b'day party kind of asked why my son didn't take off his floatie and just jump in the deep end. Yes your daughter is a strong swimmer and mine is a little scared baby, noted! (My son eventually caught up.)
I'm glad you were able to get away and do some grownup shizz this summer.
Ahhh, I am SO mad at that dad for you! People say the dumbest things.
Two of this style of picnic blanket which we have used since the outside all the time summer of 2020 and take everywhere: https://posh.mk/TEQbSXXqPCb
Also our new tent which my inside preferring husband agreed to go camping in not one but three times and having those trips booked out once a month through the summer so we actually got out and did stuff
Continuing with the beach theme...I got an anchor. It sounds so silly but a day in a tube away from the edge of the water but not floating away while my kids collected shells and my husband sat under our sunshade with the dog was perfection.
That is GREAT! I am watching Below Deck lately so I am especially appreciative of the anchor.
A sampling of one-week day camps for my kiddo and one week of overnight camp. He got a try a few different things and has a couple he really wants to do next year (including overnight - hooray!)
We also did a lot of regional road trips, which is less stress these days than flying somewhere.
This was a hard summer - my first bout with COVID and then my first attack of kidney stones (and a surgery that kicked my butt). It all meant that I extra-loved the little bit of attention we put into our backyard - we added some greenery to our low-maintenance yard (inspired by Anne Helen Peterson’s garden newsletter on native plants) AND we bought a couch/swing thing at the end-of-summer sale that is my new favorite place. I’ll go out and have coffee there in the morning, I’ll sit there in the evening while my husband grills dinner. It’s the best - something about the swinging motion is SO relaxing. And it was on sale! It’s not this exactly but close… https://www.farmstore.com/product/backyard-expressions-three-seater-patio-swing-with-canopy-909726/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAsRngn-aq83KHZluwVoocHNFNxHN7dz2tQVmuEc7axFrOQFZpikqlwaAkRLEALw_wcB
thank you for the link! I'm sorry you had such a hard summer health wise. A friend of mine just also got her stones pulverized and said how good she felt leaving the hospital but then the meds wore off...different story.
Super simple and yet a game changer: a sling for my water bottle. Changed everything about traveling. I'm a Yeti queen but they come in all sizes for all makes and models
I saw Barbie 2x this summer which I did NOT intend but I have no regrets. Almost makes up for me enduring Mario and Pokemon and Sonic and shit.