Ugh, fuck this. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Like many things in the EW newsletter, this one made me cry in recognition. My ex-husband (he, the asshole who left the day of the stay-at-home order to continue his affair) and his even shittier mother have taken the opportunity of the 48 hours each week they see my kids to HARANGUE then about their table manners. They're six and an extremely scattered 11, living through a divorce and a pandemic. While I don't let them eat with their feet, I could frankly give a shit about proper knife-and-fork action right now. But the kids come home with these teary stories about how Grandma (a woman who frequently has food fall out of her mouth whilst talking) or Dad yelled at them about reaching across the table, or sitting perfectly in the chair.
And while they feel criticism, I do, too. It makes me feel like there are three adults who, for two days a week, tell each other and my children that I'm doing a shitty job. That I'm the bad parent. But I'm the one who stayed. I'm the parent who makes all the fucking meals herself while teaching and working and cleaning and washing masks and praying that it's all going to be okay.
I'd kill for an older person to tell me that I'm doing a good job. Because I am and just need some atta-girls.
FILTERS! Filters are not only great for online shopping and cleaning air, but for people too. People in my life, who I love with my whole heart, generally fall into three categories: The Assenters, Dissenters, and Descerners. The Assenters and Dissenters are great for the get-together, funny phone conversations, text threads, good-natured arguments, bitch sessions, and the like, while the Discerners are there to help with the processing of life. The key is to filter and identify who they are. Unfortunately, finding that ones we want or maybe feel are supposed to be Discerners (parents, siblings, long known friends) are indeed not can be a great disappointment. However, that is not a reflection of the level of love and care they have for you, but rather a simple result of chemistry. There are people who are just "your" people. Humans have a habit of seeking comfort from those who are not capable of providing, then take on the burden of blame, sadness, and other negative feelings when things don't work out. Being discerning about yourself, knowing what you need, and finding the people who seek to understand you and challenge you constructively is really the key. It's an arduous process, but once you find those people, they are worth their weight in gold.
I was ready to punch Miss Manners after reading "If the parents are modeling this, then over time they should learn, from their parents, the correct way to hold a knife and fork" ?!? So basically crying tears of joy at her email.
Ugh, fuck this. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Like many things in the EW newsletter, this one made me cry in recognition. My ex-husband (he, the asshole who left the day of the stay-at-home order to continue his affair) and his even shittier mother have taken the opportunity of the 48 hours each week they see my kids to HARANGUE then about their table manners. They're six and an extremely scattered 11, living through a divorce and a pandemic. While I don't let them eat with their feet, I could frankly give a shit about proper knife-and-fork action right now. But the kids come home with these teary stories about how Grandma (a woman who frequently has food fall out of her mouth whilst talking) or Dad yelled at them about reaching across the table, or sitting perfectly in the chair.
And while they feel criticism, I do, too. It makes me feel like there are three adults who, for two days a week, tell each other and my children that I'm doing a shitty job. That I'm the bad parent. But I'm the one who stayed. I'm the parent who makes all the fucking meals herself while teaching and working and cleaning and washing masks and praying that it's all going to be okay.
I'd kill for an older person to tell me that I'm doing a good job. Because I am and just need some atta-girls.
FILTERS! Filters are not only great for online shopping and cleaning air, but for people too. People in my life, who I love with my whole heart, generally fall into three categories: The Assenters, Dissenters, and Descerners. The Assenters and Dissenters are great for the get-together, funny phone conversations, text threads, good-natured arguments, bitch sessions, and the like, while the Discerners are there to help with the processing of life. The key is to filter and identify who they are. Unfortunately, finding that ones we want or maybe feel are supposed to be Discerners (parents, siblings, long known friends) are indeed not can be a great disappointment. However, that is not a reflection of the level of love and care they have for you, but rather a simple result of chemistry. There are people who are just "your" people. Humans have a habit of seeking comfort from those who are not capable of providing, then take on the burden of blame, sadness, and other negative feelings when things don't work out. Being discerning about yourself, knowing what you need, and finding the people who seek to understand you and challenge you constructively is really the key. It's an arduous process, but once you find those people, they are worth their weight in gold.
I was ready to punch Miss Manners after reading "If the parents are modeling this, then over time they should learn, from their parents, the correct way to hold a knife and fork" ?!? So basically crying tears of joy at her email.
Love, love, LOVE this edition! Great exchange b/t you and Miss Manners - love that she admitted to "after thoughts" about it too.