First, my serious response, I did pause while filling out my son's middle school application form. They have to accept him, we live down the street and it's the school he's zoned for, but I hope they won't treat him differently because he's in therapy!
Secondly, there are two kinds of people in the world, people that admit to having dropped their phone or tablet on their baby's face, and liars
The early screening questionnaires were always bizarre, too. "Does your child cut paper with scissors" wait, are other people giving their toddlers scissors? Is that a thing? "Can your child string beads" Idk, he puts literally everything in his mouth, we haven't been giving him blatant choking hazards!
The part of my brain that was trained as a lawyer is a huge hinderance in filling these out. “Well, it said ever, and there was that one time 3 years ago. We must be accurate!” While the other part of my brain sits on my other shoulder saying “No. They are trying to get at a specific thing and that’s not what they mean. … Of course, they could be using this question to screen for your honesty and thoroughness. Better tell them about that one random occurrence that has never happened before or since.” Can we also discuss filling out family medical history questionnaires? How much are other people’s families sharing their medical issues? Because between the parts of the family we are estranged from, the parts of the genetic line we have no access to (anonymous gamete donors) and trying to read the tea leaves of my mother’s coded ways of telling me what is up with various family members’ health without violating anyone’s privacy, I don’t see how those are helpful at all.
Oh I love the pathologizing of things that are “kid behavior.” I swear half the things my ND kid does are TOTALLY FUCKING NORMAL but because he’s got a diagnosis now it’s “food sensory issues” rather than just being a 4 year old who only eats pizza and hot dogs.
Oh I needed this laugh so bad. Got told by daycare this week that we needed to start looking for other places for my 2.5 yo due to behavior and feeling like a crap parent. Thanks for cheering me up :)
THE ONE ABOUT "weird" BEHAVIOR!!! How I agonized over that one because... EVERY kid is weird?!?! All kids do weird things? And you're right, it's just slipped in amongst 100 other seemingly easier to answer questions.
I'm crying. 🤣 At my daughter's 3-year-old well child exam a very young nurse practitioner/med student/whoever comes in to ask you the 10,000 questions before the pediatrician comes in was on question 278 about what I feed her and I was basically a trembling mess at that point and started listing the endless milk rotations we go through (cow, extra fat cow, almond, soy, oat, hemp - because THERE ARE 400 MILKS AND NOBODY CAN MAKE UP THEIR MIND ABOUT WHAT IS THE HEALTHY MILK SO, YES, WE JUST ROTATE THROUGH THEM ALL) and he interrupts me and goes, "You can relax. Most of these questions aren't even about your child's health. We're just collecting data for research and stuff." Um. What? Is this true? Does anyone know? I have never filled out a health questionnaire in-full since.
First, my serious response, I did pause while filling out my son's middle school application form. They have to accept him, we live down the street and it's the school he's zoned for, but I hope they won't treat him differently because he's in therapy!
Secondly, there are two kinds of people in the world, people that admit to having dropped their phone or tablet on their baby's face, and liars
The early screening questionnaires were always bizarre, too. "Does your child cut paper with scissors" wait, are other people giving their toddlers scissors? Is that a thing? "Can your child string beads" Idk, he puts literally everything in his mouth, we haven't been giving him blatant choking hazards!
Ha! My favorite question from a recent behavioral assessment: "Does your child ever talk at length about topics you are not interested in?"
The part of my brain that was trained as a lawyer is a huge hinderance in filling these out. “Well, it said ever, and there was that one time 3 years ago. We must be accurate!” While the other part of my brain sits on my other shoulder saying “No. They are trying to get at a specific thing and that’s not what they mean. … Of course, they could be using this question to screen for your honesty and thoroughness. Better tell them about that one random occurrence that has never happened before or since.” Can we also discuss filling out family medical history questionnaires? How much are other people’s families sharing their medical issues? Because between the parts of the family we are estranged from, the parts of the genetic line we have no access to (anonymous gamete donors) and trying to read the tea leaves of my mother’s coded ways of telling me what is up with various family members’ health without violating anyone’s privacy, I don’t see how those are helpful at all.
This was absolute gold. Thank you.
Oh I love the pathologizing of things that are “kid behavior.” I swear half the things my ND kid does are TOTALLY FUCKING NORMAL but because he’s got a diagnosis now it’s “food sensory issues” rather than just being a 4 year old who only eats pizza and hot dogs.
Oh I needed this laugh so bad. Got told by daycare this week that we needed to start looking for other places for my 2.5 yo due to behavior and feeling like a crap parent. Thanks for cheering me up :)
Lmao
THE ONE ABOUT "weird" BEHAVIOR!!! How I agonized over that one because... EVERY kid is weird?!?! All kids do weird things? And you're right, it's just slipped in amongst 100 other seemingly easier to answer questions.
Wait. What is this about tips? 20% isn't enough?!?!!
I'm crying. 🤣 At my daughter's 3-year-old well child exam a very young nurse practitioner/med student/whoever comes in to ask you the 10,000 questions before the pediatrician comes in was on question 278 about what I feed her and I was basically a trembling mess at that point and started listing the endless milk rotations we go through (cow, extra fat cow, almond, soy, oat, hemp - because THERE ARE 400 MILKS AND NOBODY CAN MAKE UP THEIR MIND ABOUT WHAT IS THE HEALTHY MILK SO, YES, WE JUST ROTATE THROUGH THEM ALL) and he interrupts me and goes, "You can relax. Most of these questions aren't even about your child's health. We're just collecting data for research and stuff." Um. What? Is this true? Does anyone know? I have never filled out a health questionnaire in-full since.