Nick Kroll has a bit in his new standup special about birth order stereotypes that made me laugh (and as a firstborn ‘main character,’ you should listen to what I have to say.) Here are birth order stereotypes, at least through my experiences:
Firstborn children like mine (and me) carry the weight of the world. Nobody understands the pressure on them, and everyone who is a little sib has enjoyed a cushy life of privilege thanks to the firstborns bearing the brunt of being the trailblazer. Firstborns are often cautious and a little babyish because they are not exposed to older-kid stuff.
Second-born/youngest children are expert cuddlers, flaming hot temper dicks and over-the-top attention hog clowns. They are more sophisticated for their age because they enjoy their older siblings’ media, toys and friends.
Middle children are the most interesting because they have all the perspective and angst.
Third-born children and onward are just happy to be there.
Only children (like my husband) interpret interruptions as signs of disrespect because they were never interrupted growing up and tend to think the way they do things is the only logical way.
Of course YMMV. Every now and then I hear of a cuckoo bananas firstborn followed by a temperate secondborn, and so on. What birth order stereotypes are borne true and proven false in your own family?
My firstborn is my chaos child, none of the responsibility and maturity associated with firstborns but all of the domineering and put-upon energy. My second born is easygoing and sweet and independent but she's also a middle. Youngest is TBD but is basically a mascot or loveable pet, like all youngest children. I was youngest of three, and youngest of all the grandchildren on both sides so I obviously have an attention-based brain disease. I have 50-year-old cousins that still call me, with complete seriousness, Baby Evie.
I imagined it was gonna be the old "first borns are mature and responsible" thing and was going to disagree, but cautious, babyish, and a bit of a self-pitying martyr? Yep.
We interrupt my only all the time but that is likely because he is never not talking.
He's also done that only thing where he is a raging extrovert because that's how he has people to play with, I feel like you either wind up with super introverted or super extroverted only children, no middle ground
My husband and I also find it interesting the pairing of the parents—we’re both oldest sibs and have a harder time relating to the plight of the younger sibling.
All of our siblings married / couples up with someone who has a similar birth order as them.
The first and second born stereotypes could not be more true about my two kids. Your photo could be of my two kids except that mine are girls. I myself am an only child and many many people have told me "I never would have guessed you were an only child," which is the best compliment someone can give me. My husband would probably disagree with them, but that's because he's an overly burdened oldest.
Firstborn here. Type A self-deprecating martyr in the house. My younger sister, to my perception, had a bit more freedom to make mistakes than I did, but at the same time is far more anxious and cautious than I so I come off like the daredevil.
All of the firstborns in my family are EXTREMELY Type A and the seconds have much better stories.
My husband is a second child and his parents took things WAY easier on him than his older brother, to the point of enduring resentment. Definitely a talker and a charmer, but a bit of a dark side.
My only child is excellent at making friends, but also likes to curl up at home and chill after socializing. An extroverted introvert, like mama.
I'm one of 4 and I'm the third. My brother is the oldest but my dad was super hard on him and he's definitely carrying the weight of the world. But the rest of us are girls and my oldest sister was the golden child so she's basically the oldest in many ways. I was definitely the ignored one and my little sister was the baby who got away with murder. Of my two girls, it's a bit early to say but my oldest is definitely the responsible one and my little is absolutely going to be nuts and jumping off furniture in about two seconds. She is also learning to walk/talk etc earlier than her sister.
Here's a hot take that surprised me the other day: I'm an only child & my kid is too, but when I was talking with my spouse (who, incidentally but irrelevantly, is older brother to a sister) he objected to the very TERM "only child" on the grounds that it is "cutesy." He went on to say that it's lightly guilt-tripping parents who don't have more than one kid. I take his point but it was wild to hear an analysis & takedown of a phrase that's been part of my identity for basically my entire life.
The weirdest thing about my three kids is that they all have the classic birth order personalities even though my identical twins were born just two minutes apart and I'm guessing in somewhat arbitrary order because I had them via c-section. Baby A has SUCH middle child energy, angsty and often overlooked but also a mediator (i.e., sucks up to us when her siblings are being dicks). Baby B runs so hot and cold, constant little tantrums, and loves attention.
Do we think age gaps make a difference? I'm the oldest of three and show all the typical Type-A, perfectionist, martyrdom, etc. My husband is the youngest of three, but there is a 10 and 15 year age gap between him and his siblings, so he grew up more as an only and is similarly Type-A, must take care of everything. Our daughter is the same as us. And our son (who is younger by 11 years) is also extremely careful, orderly, and a perfectionist. It is our (semi-joking) family motto -- why achieve when you can overachieve!
Four headstrong, 'no I'll do it, I don't need help' people in one house can be maddening.
My husband is an only child and can't accept the level of bickering and fighting over stupid shit that occurs. I try not to roll my eyes because he just didn't have to deal with it as a child.
Oct 4, 2022·edited Oct 4, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey
Which one is the "stubborn to the point of exhaustion" one? For me, that's my second-born. My 2/2, if you will. My 1/2 is very cautious but he was that even before he became a sibling.
Our first-born believes the whole world revolves around him and is far more sensitive and emotional than his brother, but he's also more confident. Our second (and youngest) is a peacemaker, incredibly flexible, and independent. He can play by himself for hours. He's lately proclaimed he hates then number two though and (and by extension second grade, which, alas, is his grade). He never wants to be second for anything. Can't imagine where that came from. He's also obsessed with staying the littlest/youngest/doesn't want to grow up. Meanwhile his older brother thinks he's an adult and should run everything.
They are being raised by two second kids (one out of four, one the youngest). We definitely relate to our younger more, but the oldest is very sensitive to this and thinks we have a favorite. I am now obsessed with the idea that younger children marry younger children and oldest marry oldest...
I am both an oldest (have two younger half siblings on my dad’s side) and an only (on my mom’s side) so I’m basically a monster and I had to marry a middle child because he’s excellent at sharing a room and I had two rooms ALL TO MYSELF for 18 years and no, most of my college roommates are not still speaking to me.
I see a lot of classic birth order traits in my kids -- the older one is more introverted, very weight-of-world and very quick to correct/badger the younger one, younger one is more social and goofy, etc. I wasn’t prepared for how much the younger one would resent the older one though -- she regularly sobs that I should have had her first so she could be the oldest. What was fascinating was those tears peaked at the height of her kindergarten transition anxiety where she also wanted to “be a baby forever” -- so I think what she was really saying was “if I was older, I would have already done this and it wouldn’t feel so hard.” Who knew younger siblings had complicated emotional arcs of their own! Not me. (See above re: monster.)
I am the youngest of three, but my two older brothers are 8/10 years older than I am. My oldest brother was a complete and absolute nutcase--broke every rule in the book twice and didn't care. The middle brother was the type A, anxious, responsible one (until he hit high school and went off the deep end into partying/drinking/etc). I came along so much later that I had a weird mix of being an only child and also having two older brothers. I am totally anxious and type A, but I also don't think rules apply to me when I don't want them to, and I am a total extrovert who always wanted ALL THE ATTENTION when I was little. And got it because I was a girl and cute and knew how to work the system.
Mine actually do not follow the stereotype! My firstborn daughter is an artsy, out-to-lunch, semi-space cadet while my son, the younger one, is a total enforcer. Neither of them, however, give two shits about doing what I ask them to do - though they each don't do it in their own special ways.
I am *such* a Type-A oldest daughter stereotype, it's absurd. But due to many other factors, the babyish thing wasn't a factor - I'd also never heard that before, but when I shared with my group chat "oldest daughter union", I realized it was *a thing*
This is all correct. No notes.
My firstborn is my chaos child, none of the responsibility and maturity associated with firstborns but all of the domineering and put-upon energy. My second born is easygoing and sweet and independent but she's also a middle. Youngest is TBD but is basically a mascot or loveable pet, like all youngest children. I was youngest of three, and youngest of all the grandchildren on both sides so I obviously have an attention-based brain disease. I have 50-year-old cousins that still call me, with complete seriousness, Baby Evie.
I imagined it was gonna be the old "first borns are mature and responsible" thing and was going to disagree, but cautious, babyish, and a bit of a self-pitying martyr? Yep.
We interrupt my only all the time but that is likely because he is never not talking.
He's also done that only thing where he is a raging extrovert because that's how he has people to play with, I feel like you either wind up with super introverted or super extroverted only children, no middle ground
First born totally anxious...the product of our first time parenting anxiety.
Second born totally confident, and cross.... Why wasn't I first?
Third born cuddly but also sneaky... Sees which of his brothers' tactics do and don't work so totally works the system!
Also that pic is perfect
This is absolutely, 1000% spot on.
My husband and I also find it interesting the pairing of the parents—we’re both oldest sibs and have a harder time relating to the plight of the younger sibling.
All of our siblings married / couples up with someone who has a similar birth order as them.
The first and second born stereotypes could not be more true about my two kids. Your photo could be of my two kids except that mine are girls. I myself am an only child and many many people have told me "I never would have guessed you were an only child," which is the best compliment someone can give me. My husband would probably disagree with them, but that's because he's an overly burdened oldest.
Firstborn here. Type A self-deprecating martyr in the house. My younger sister, to my perception, had a bit more freedom to make mistakes than I did, but at the same time is far more anxious and cautious than I so I come off like the daredevil.
All of the firstborns in my family are EXTREMELY Type A and the seconds have much better stories.
My husband is a second child and his parents took things WAY easier on him than his older brother, to the point of enduring resentment. Definitely a talker and a charmer, but a bit of a dark side.
My only child is excellent at making friends, but also likes to curl up at home and chill after socializing. An extroverted introvert, like mama.
I'm one of 4 and I'm the third. My brother is the oldest but my dad was super hard on him and he's definitely carrying the weight of the world. But the rest of us are girls and my oldest sister was the golden child so she's basically the oldest in many ways. I was definitely the ignored one and my little sister was the baby who got away with murder. Of my two girls, it's a bit early to say but my oldest is definitely the responsible one and my little is absolutely going to be nuts and jumping off furniture in about two seconds. She is also learning to walk/talk etc earlier than her sister.
If youngest child had been born first. we would have been one and done.
When they were younger, every time oldest child was asked, "Would you like to have another sibling?" They would respond, "no, one is enough."
I am the youngest, and of course, I am perfection. :)
Here's a hot take that surprised me the other day: I'm an only child & my kid is too, but when I was talking with my spouse (who, incidentally but irrelevantly, is older brother to a sister) he objected to the very TERM "only child" on the grounds that it is "cutesy." He went on to say that it's lightly guilt-tripping parents who don't have more than one kid. I take his point but it was wild to hear an analysis & takedown of a phrase that's been part of my identity for basically my entire life.
In other birth-order news, I always think of this: https://twitter.com/msLAS/status/1374072942481477636?s=20&t=9QM5ELiqtSkYa_gaDjsXzg
The weirdest thing about my three kids is that they all have the classic birth order personalities even though my identical twins were born just two minutes apart and I'm guessing in somewhat arbitrary order because I had them via c-section. Baby A has SUCH middle child energy, angsty and often overlooked but also a mediator (i.e., sucks up to us when her siblings are being dicks). Baby B runs so hot and cold, constant little tantrums, and loves attention.
Do we think age gaps make a difference? I'm the oldest of three and show all the typical Type-A, perfectionist, martyrdom, etc. My husband is the youngest of three, but there is a 10 and 15 year age gap between him and his siblings, so he grew up more as an only and is similarly Type-A, must take care of everything. Our daughter is the same as us. And our son (who is younger by 11 years) is also extremely careful, orderly, and a perfectionist. It is our (semi-joking) family motto -- why achieve when you can overachieve!
Four headstrong, 'no I'll do it, I don't need help' people in one house can be maddening.
My husband is an only child and can't accept the level of bickering and fighting over stupid shit that occurs. I try not to roll my eyes because he just didn't have to deal with it as a child.
Which one is the "stubborn to the point of exhaustion" one? For me, that's my second-born. My 2/2, if you will. My 1/2 is very cautious but he was that even before he became a sibling.
Our first-born believes the whole world revolves around him and is far more sensitive and emotional than his brother, but he's also more confident. Our second (and youngest) is a peacemaker, incredibly flexible, and independent. He can play by himself for hours. He's lately proclaimed he hates then number two though and (and by extension second grade, which, alas, is his grade). He never wants to be second for anything. Can't imagine where that came from. He's also obsessed with staying the littlest/youngest/doesn't want to grow up. Meanwhile his older brother thinks he's an adult and should run everything.
They are being raised by two second kids (one out of four, one the youngest). We definitely relate to our younger more, but the oldest is very sensitive to this and thinks we have a favorite. I am now obsessed with the idea that younger children marry younger children and oldest marry oldest...
I am both an oldest (have two younger half siblings on my dad’s side) and an only (on my mom’s side) so I’m basically a monster and I had to marry a middle child because he’s excellent at sharing a room and I had two rooms ALL TO MYSELF for 18 years and no, most of my college roommates are not still speaking to me.
I see a lot of classic birth order traits in my kids -- the older one is more introverted, very weight-of-world and very quick to correct/badger the younger one, younger one is more social and goofy, etc. I wasn’t prepared for how much the younger one would resent the older one though -- she regularly sobs that I should have had her first so she could be the oldest. What was fascinating was those tears peaked at the height of her kindergarten transition anxiety where she also wanted to “be a baby forever” -- so I think what she was really saying was “if I was older, I would have already done this and it wouldn’t feel so hard.” Who knew younger siblings had complicated emotional arcs of their own! Not me. (See above re: monster.)
I am the youngest of three, but my two older brothers are 8/10 years older than I am. My oldest brother was a complete and absolute nutcase--broke every rule in the book twice and didn't care. The middle brother was the type A, anxious, responsible one (until he hit high school and went off the deep end into partying/drinking/etc). I came along so much later that I had a weird mix of being an only child and also having two older brothers. I am totally anxious and type A, but I also don't think rules apply to me when I don't want them to, and I am a total extrovert who always wanted ALL THE ATTENTION when I was little. And got it because I was a girl and cute and knew how to work the system.
Mine actually do not follow the stereotype! My firstborn daughter is an artsy, out-to-lunch, semi-space cadet while my son, the younger one, is a total enforcer. Neither of them, however, give two shits about doing what I ask them to do - though they each don't do it in their own special ways.
I am *such* a Type-A oldest daughter stereotype, it's absurd. But due to many other factors, the babyish thing wasn't a factor - I'd also never heard that before, but when I shared with my group chat "oldest daughter union", I realized it was *a thing*