Parent surveys for the 2021 school year

A great idea that can't go wrong

Dear School Families,

Thank you to so many of you who took time to complete our recent parent survey on masking preferences. Parent preferences are one of several considerations as we consider policy decisions. It is clear that opinions vary on the subject and that no one approach will satisfy all families. However, since you let it be known that it’s your choice as a parent to do what’s right for your kid, we would like to gauge how you feel about other aspects of school life. Please answer this short, confidential and anonymous survey by the end of the day on Wednesday, Aug. 25, because apparently this is how things are done now.

How much homework do you think teachers should assign this year?

a.) A lot: My kid has a lot of catching up to do and what do my tax/tuition dollars go toward?

b.) Some: Ideally most of it can be accomplished at aftercare or in an hour or so.

c.) None: My kid has baseball practice so is it possible to just make it up in the classroom?

How do you feel about current discipline tactics at the school?

a.) They need to be stricter, particularly to that one disruptive kid in my daughter’s grade.

b.) They could be more understanding that sometimes kids suck at sitting in their seats, okay? We’re working on it!

How much should teachers have to enforce the dress code?

a.) Not at all except when it comes to masks, in which case they should enforce them strictly.

b.) They should enforce the rules against gang colors and skimpy clothing on girls, but they should be strictly enforced to NOT enforce masks.

c.) Is there a way that the teachers don’t have to enforce the dress code at all but that also so that I dno’t have anything to do with it? Middle schoolers do what you want, you know?

Nut allergies —

a.) They are a serious thing! Kids die!

b.) I don’t think they’re real and they are the reason why this country is so full of cucks and betas.

c.) I totally support them, I just am curious, how allergic are we talking? It’s just so easy make PBJs, can my kid sit at a different table than that allergic kid?

Should the kids say the Pledge of Allegiance every day at school?

a.) Yes!!
b.) No!!
c.) 😕 ?

How long should phys ed be?

a.) Every day my child has to perform or compete in front of other kids is a small trauma for them and for me too, if I’m being honest.

b.) …20 minutes? Is that normal?

c.) If you don’t make my kid run around during the day he will explode and take you down with him.

d.) Can’t they do some sort of squats at their desks so as not to squander the classroom time? I have a walking treadmill.

How much should teachers get paid?

a.) A lot!!! So much!! Much more than my friend’s dumb rich husband.

b.) I mean, I totally support teachers and think they deserve a fair wage, but honestly, what do they really do?

c.) See attachment re: my feelings about unions.

Who should host Jeopardy?

a.) LaVar Burton!

b.) Mike Richards is yet another victim of cancel culture.

c.) How did we come to a place where we are talking this much for this long about Jeopardy?

End credits

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers who crave expert advice, nonexpert advice, laughs, salty takes, the occasional deep thoughts, and interviews for and about witchy moms. If you like this newsletter and haven’t yet, please consider supporting this independent, nonsponsored work and joining the subscription level, which gives you extra context and access to fun honest witchy discussion threads.

If you have already subscribed, thank you. If you have any questions, feedback, or suggestions for the newsletter you can reply right to this email. You can follow us on Instagram here and talk to other witches on Twitter, too.

One witchy thing