7 Comments

Funny story: when my first was born, I was living in Manhattan and working at a law firm where all the other new moms instructed me that I absolutely MUST NOT come back to work after my maternity leave without sleep training my baby. I was also in a "moderated mom's group" at a local community center which I joined to get out of the house once in a while, and which I did not realize at the time was specifically an "attachment parenting" group. Welp. The meeting after I have successfully sleep-trained my son with some pretty hard-core CIO, I proudly announced this in group and was met with the coldest stares I have ever experienced. (But two of the other moms approached me outside after to ask how I did it...)

Expand full comment

ha I love this. It's funny I see the story that's going around (from the Cut) about the sleep training wars and I don't even want to delve into it b/c my youngest "baby" is now 7 and it's such a different headspace now, I feel like an old crone. But those norms really get in your head. I remember a friend telling me she lived in a community where she confessed she yelled at her newborn at a really fragile moment and was greeted by pitying, confused looks. Me meanwhile, I was like Oh yeah, don't we all yell at the newborn once or twice? ("What??? what do you want???")

Expand full comment

Sooo, you can't just lock the baby in a crate in another room, ala with a puppy? Kidding kidding kidding. Childless witch here, obviously.

Expand full comment

Well after I wrote this post I thought about how I'm glad someone mentioned the different phases of sleep training because while it was one thing to have control over our 2nd kid when he was an infant, when he could get up and walk around it was a whole other story and we did end up locking him in his room for awhile. That was not my happiest phase. Everything is fine now and the lock is no longer used. But basically, even though I know you were kidding, the answer is yes.

Expand full comment

Honestly I can't imagine how hard it must be. I am not one of those "my dog/cat is my baby" people, but when my now 8 year old rottie was a puppy and we were crate training him those were some of the worst nights of my life and I could have legally given him away and was therefore not obligated to raise him for the rest of his life. (I did not give him away, FYI) So my hat is off to all who parent humans, that shit sounds tough as hell.

Expand full comment

Well thank you. And also I know so well that had you given the dog away you would have been sent to pet owner social media hell for all eternity so you get sympathy too!

Expand full comment

As mom to twins, can confirm that your kids are who they are and your parental interventions in so many of these areas make very little difference. I used the same strategies with both as infants (CIO at 6 months, strict nap schedule, bottle fed, potty trained at the same time) and they are SO DIFFERENT now as tweens. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same and worry less about it.

Expand full comment