43 Comments

Claire! You are banging on ALL cylinders! This IS a book proposal. Seriously, Woman!

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Summersalt gets the credit for introducing me - a 37 year old 5'10" woman - to the phrase "long torso" and for the FIRST TIME in my WHOLE-ASS LIFE, I have a swimsuit that's not trying to fold me in half. Holy shit!

I'm now officially shopping in the "tall" section of stores, and re-buying a bunch of t-shirts, because...... I'm tall???? And there are clothes that take that into account?????????

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Now I feel a little FOMO because I do not get the Summersalt catalog! I get a lot of the other hits though, Vermont Country Store (flannel nightgowns AND vibrators!) and Soft Surroundings which carries something referred to as "fart blockers" for your undies, and of course Athleta, Title Nine, Sundance, etc.

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Flannel Nightgowns and Vibrators is the catalog we need to start.

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FART BLOCKERS!?

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Yes! That may not be the exact name but they are little charcoal packets you can put in your undies to mask any, ahem, unladylike odors

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OMG I cannot stop laughing. That is a whole new level of ridiculous. Aren't things hard enough without having to also worry about whether my fart blockers are in place??

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The whole Soft Surroundings catalog is surreal, it's target demographic seems to be wealthy older white women who won't admit to having bodily functions. At my old job, the day I got the catalog me and my friends would spend hours picking out ugly outfits for each other. And fart blockers of course.

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I had never heard of this before today and let's just say there's some time I can never get back. Fart blockers? Part makeup? END THE MADNESS.

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I'm going to sign my sister up for this catalog immediately.

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Insane.

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Yessss

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I'm like a week or two out from becoming a mom but suddenly the catalogs addressed to my home's previous resident have been catching my eye more and more (including one from Summersalt). The other day I found myself thumbing enthusiastically through a Title Nine catalog and that's when I thought... it begins...

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Skort girl summer.

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I am desperately trying to poshmark an Athleta skort dress.

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Haha too true! You could literally throw a dart at anything in the Title 9 catalog and I'd likely be delighted with it.

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Just scored my skort dress, so bring on summer!

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Ps congrats and hope you’re feeling okay!

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Actually I bought the summersault sidestroke a few years ago with the green and blue, and I love it. I get tons of compliments and it is legit a good suit! But I hemmed and hawed for a while because I feel icky about Instagram marketing lol. No regrets!

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Claire Zulkey get outta my head!! I just ordered and received the Summersalt Sidestroke (with the one shoulder thing) and I'm sorry to report that it i freaking amazing and wonderful and I love it to death. Maybe the cut just works for my particular middle aged body but I wore it last week around some mom friends and one of them literally gasped and said "it's practically evening wear!"

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I am glad to hear! Don’t get me wrong I am not to proud to buy the things that are sold to me. I just hate feeling TOO *seen* sometimes. I guess it’s better that getting the catalog for Jitterbug phones and devices for helping you use zippers and put on shoes yet.

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Not *TOO proud.

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Oh I hear you - it's totally creepy! And I super hate it when I open up the J Jill catalog and goddamit I like all the things in there. I normally try to avoid the internet marketing serve-up but sometimes it gets the better of me. See also: Herbivore Botanicals.

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Every time I see that one-shoulder bathing suit, I think about my sad boob sliding out the other side, so this is excellent feedback!

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It's surprisingly secure! That's coming from someone who breastfed two babies and routinely describes her boob situation as "tennis ball in a sock"

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I like that! I always say "empty skin sacks" but yours is much less disgusting!

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I haven't gone for Summersalt yet, though I'm tempted. I'm fairly confident that their one-shoulder suit that's advertised everywhere will not suit me, but I feel my resistance wearing thin. I did buy a Kortni Jeane two-piece a couple years ago thanks to Instagram. I really like it, but I lost the bottoms in the move and I haven't been able to justify spending another $50 on bikini bottoms when I've got a perfectly good suit from Aerie that I like.

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Ugh I have been influenced TWICE into trying summersalt. The first round was laughably bad. The second round... well, I ordered last night. Stay tuned.

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I have had better luck with Aerie so far!

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I second Aerie. I got a wrap style one-piece there last year that I really like.

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I just got a suit from kindred bravely because my 2 months postpartum body doesn’t fit in my old suits. I was excited to find something that wasn’t built to be “flattering” and is just a version of my old suit (bikini top and high waist bottoms) that fits my new body and that I can easily breastfeed in. I’m not interested in wearing anything with “tummy control” or well placed ruching just because I have a baby now. My obvious linea negra and fucked up belly button will alert everyone as to why I look like this.

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My pregnant friend just tried a maternity Kindred Bravely and said it was hot trash! I personally just bought this suit on Amazon for my very large bust during pregnancy and it was cute albeit a little booby. No name brands for the win.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B086KSPZJH/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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Two years ago I bought the Summersalt "Marina" one piece because I adore anything red & pink and couldn't find any other suit with that color combo (plus of course I'd heard all the buzz about what great suits they are... ). I haven't worn a one piece in years but I gotta say I really like how this one looks on me. More importantly I LOOOOVE how it feels. Super buttery soft and holds me in firm, but doesn't make me feel claustrophobic (and doesn't squish my back fat out). The fabric is just the right thickness where it feels expensive and luxurious and kind of makes me feel like a million bucks despite how I may actually look in it.

I tried on the popular "Side Stroke" suit and despite it's super-flattering-on-every-body claim, it did not look good on me. I don't have a very defined natural waist and it made me look like a linebacker.

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As an older woman with freakish confidence in my body, I have better luck with "inclusive" lines (in quotes because some of them fall short of being truly inclusive) and prefer them to brands such as Miracle Suit, which treat the aging body like something that needs to be trussed/hidden/ camouflaged. This year, I tossed anything with, you'll excuse the expression, boning, and chose suits from Saint Somebody (pricey) and Athleta. Maybe I'm a sucker, but I swear the philosophy behind the brand matters. Pool opens in eight days and I can't wait.

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The feeling of the sun beating down on a heavy one piece swimsuit is oppressive. I used to think that bikinis were just for hotties with bodies but then I realized how good it feels to have the sunshine on your belly and everyone who wants that should have that!

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I have had good luck shopping for swimsuits at independent lingerie shops (Chantilly Lace, if you live in Chicagoland) because they carry a wide range of inventory and the owners know their stock well and have an expert eye at knowing what works for various bodies, in that semi-cruel Eastern European way.

My friend Maialisa recommends this online store for custom-made swimsuits although they are sold out until June so you'll have to get on their list. https://www.merrickmaria.com/

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Same re buying bathing suits from lingerie shops. If you want the support of a bra, you want a bathing suit made by a bra company, not (what is essentially) a bra made by a bathing suit company.

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Exactly. I could not figure out why I felt good in my underwear but terrible in swimsuits and this helped bridge the gap.

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How are you all referring to yourselves as “moms”. Aren’t you “birthing persons” ????

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I had EXACTLY this series of experiences. I even went so far as to order the Marina suit and one of the rainbow cover-ups that one of the ladies from The Home Edit was wearing on the catalog cover. (Honestly, I feel VERY seen by this brand right now.) The Marina suit didn't really have enough support on top for me and the cover-up won't be breathable enough for the humidity where I live; I ended up sending it all back. I feel good that I didn't buy a $95 swimsuit I didn't love, but I feel lame that I fell so hard for the ads.

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