Email a reader I am sharing here w her permission:
One of the things I would recommend for mothers of girls (preteen or older) is a book by Lisa Damour called "Untangled". It talks about the 7 transitions girls go through on their way to adulthood. It's been a great resource for me that I keep going back to when I am lost as to how to parent a particular situation. She also has a podcast called "Ask Lisa: The psychology of parenting" that's got some great advice as well.
I suuuccckkked at the tween/teen years as a parent. I now have a granddaughter I spend a lot of time with and vow to do better with her. Being a soft place to land is very important to me. My kids are adults and we are very close. Keep on keeping on. It gets better.
Same! I fear for us when our 4y/o gets to double digits. She is fierce! and has already mastered the Amelia- Bedilia technique.
We have found lots of help & support through Good Inside Dr. Beck Kennedy community. Not only helping us parent better, with some sanity, but also helping improve all of our relationships.
Thank you for this! My oldest two are eight and eleven so we are just rounding the corner to these years but I can already see the obstacles (and joys!) ahead. Of course, most of all, it helps to know we’re not alone and many have walked this path before us and lived to tell the tale.
This: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_Witch (for girls) and Percy Jackson (for all genders). Carson McCullers "The Member of the Wedding" and "Wunderkind", "To Kill a Mockingbird" and the sequel-the-name-of-which escapes-me (all genders).
Shout out toJenny Rosenstrach at "Dinner a Love Story", who used to do yearly round-ups of YA fiction.
I loved the piece of advice about providing them with lots of teen-centric fiction. Our kid often groans at the coming-of-age novels I recommend because they are SO OLD (there are no cell phones). Anyone have recs for great and au courant teen fiction series? Our oldest loved/loves all of the trashy/weepy John Green, but I don’t think the 12 year old is quite ready for that--though maybe I’m wrong!
Following, both in preparation (my kid's a little younger) and because I read YA myself sometimes (in preparation, and also because some are just awesome). FWIW, I read Wings of Fire with my kid and---though it's not in our world---it's all dragons---it's well-written and covers a lot of things I think teens think about, including connection to family and friends. Plus, a 12 year old friend loves it. For things taking place in the more modern world, Nicola Yoon is great. Rebecca Stead. I really enjoyed The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe. Julie Buxbaum's Hope and Other Punchlines is a lovely take on 9/11 through the lens of a child who was born around then and lost a parent to it. Our library's Libby page has great recommendations---perhaps yours will too.
I have a 12-year-old whose moods can escalate very quickly, which leads to some language that I used to think I should not tolerate. But if I engage, things get worse and my kid does NOT respond if I threaten punishments of any sort. I had to learn to walk away. If I do, she immediately calms down and apologizes within minutes. The image that helps me is of a kinking, spitting firehose. I'm just going to keep my distance until it settles down.
I stumbled into this post really late, and it's very, very cool! Thanks everyone involved for the kindest, most "teens are still actually people" set of thought inspring thoughts (such eloquent wording there on my part... I know... it's been a long week), I've ever seen about living with tweens and teens.
Email a reader I am sharing here w her permission:
One of the things I would recommend for mothers of girls (preteen or older) is a book by Lisa Damour called "Untangled". It talks about the 7 transitions girls go through on their way to adulthood. It's been a great resource for me that I keep going back to when I am lost as to how to parent a particular situation. She also has a podcast called "Ask Lisa: The psychology of parenting" that's got some great advice as well.
I suuuccckkked at the tween/teen years as a parent. I now have a granddaughter I spend a lot of time with and vow to do better with her. Being a soft place to land is very important to me. My kids are adults and we are very close. Keep on keeping on. It gets better.
I had to laugh at the Amelia Bedilia line, as my son used to do that. We called it 'word games', as in "we are not playing word games about this".
It gets better, etc.
"Word games" makes me laugh because it sounds so innocuous instead of something really horribly annoying.
Same! I fear for us when our 4y/o gets to double digits. She is fierce! and has already mastered the Amelia- Bedilia technique.
We have found lots of help & support through Good Inside Dr. Beck Kennedy community. Not only helping us parent better, with some sanity, but also helping improve all of our relationships.
Thank you for this! My oldest two are eight and eleven so we are just rounding the corner to these years but I can already see the obstacles (and joys!) ahead. Of course, most of all, it helps to know we’re not alone and many have walked this path before us and lived to tell the tale.
This: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_Witch (for girls) and Percy Jackson (for all genders). Carson McCullers "The Member of the Wedding" and "Wunderkind", "To Kill a Mockingbird" and the sequel-the-name-of-which escapes-me (all genders).
Shout out toJenny Rosenstrach at "Dinner a Love Story", who used to do yearly round-ups of YA fiction.
I loved the piece of advice about providing them with lots of teen-centric fiction. Our kid often groans at the coming-of-age novels I recommend because they are SO OLD (there are no cell phones). Anyone have recs for great and au courant teen fiction series? Our oldest loved/loves all of the trashy/weepy John Green, but I don’t think the 12 year old is quite ready for that--though maybe I’m wrong!
GREAT question--if people don't fill in answers here I will ask some YA author/librarian/editor/bookseller friends.
Following, both in preparation (my kid's a little younger) and because I read YA myself sometimes (in preparation, and also because some are just awesome). FWIW, I read Wings of Fire with my kid and---though it's not in our world---it's all dragons---it's well-written and covers a lot of things I think teens think about, including connection to family and friends. Plus, a 12 year old friend loves it. For things taking place in the more modern world, Nicola Yoon is great. Rebecca Stead. I really enjoyed The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe. Julie Buxbaum's Hope and Other Punchlines is a lovely take on 9/11 through the lens of a child who was born around then and lost a parent to it. Our library's Libby page has great recommendations---perhaps yours will too.
I have a 12-year-old whose moods can escalate very quickly, which leads to some language that I used to think I should not tolerate. But if I engage, things get worse and my kid does NOT respond if I threaten punishments of any sort. I had to learn to walk away. If I do, she immediately calms down and apologizes within minutes. The image that helps me is of a kinking, spitting firehose. I'm just going to keep my distance until it settles down.
Battle choosing is one of the hardest parts of parenthood!
I stumbled into this post really late, and it's very, very cool! Thanks everyone involved for the kindest, most "teens are still actually people" set of thought inspring thoughts (such eloquent wording there on my part... I know... it's been a long week), I've ever seen about living with tweens and teens.
I’m glad this was helpful!