The long straight blonde fantasy
When your child doesn't see the crown on her head
A few months ago I was sitting next to a father at swim class who was brushing his daughter’s long, LONG blonde hair. And it was an endeavor. He was very patient about it and she was being a trooper but I was like, holy shit that is a whole world I don’t know. Both our boys’ hair is short and we just buzz one of them at home. We have control over it for the time being, and they have easy-street basic white boy hair that never is long enough to get tangled and they can get away with it looking messy and I acknowledge that privilege now. Watching this dad, I suddenly saw the hours of hair wrangling that so many of you parents have had to put in that I have not had to. I see you, and I salute and respect you.
Here is a hair question from a witch:
Q: My daughter melted down this morning, screaming “MY HAIR IS UGLY!” She went on about “long hair,” which means straight hair, and wanting to be pretty. My son and I tried to tell her that her hair is gorgeous and she’s gorgeous, while also emphasizing that it doesn’t matter and that she’s beautiful on the inside, but she was inconsolable until I put it up. Then she snapped back and said “Now I am beautiful!” Because I hid that hideous ‘fro. I know we all want what we can’t have, but she’s 3! Also she’s not beautiful on the inside when she’s being a vain little devil. Is this just a little girls being little girls thing?
Witches with kids opinionated about their hair responded:
“What is it with girls this age and long hair? My kid had the cutest freaking bob and asked to grow it out at around 4 because ‘Long hair is prettier’ and it bummed me out, and continues to bum me out. I thought I had a hope of staving it off with the little one because she's very rough and tumble, but then her first compound phrase was ‘pretty dress.’”
“My daughter’s hair is adorable in a bob and stringy when it gets any longer. She’s insisting on growing an Elsa braid, which her dad is in full support of, but he lacks all sense of reality with hair longer than 2 inches.”
“I think it just comes from life—seeing all that smooth blonde Disney hair 😢. All my sisters have curly curly hair and it took them all some time to realize what a gift it is. I'd kill to have their hair. It's so heartbreaking when our kids don't like their perfect selves.”
“I now love my coarse and curly hair but hated it growing up, and the words ‘long blonde straight hair’ still put a spell over me. My daughter has curly hair, and she gets attention over it constantly. This makes her anxious because she wants to ‘be myself’ (ie more than her hair) and also because people touch it. I've tried to keep her well exposed to curly haired women and talk to her about people having all different kinds of hair, eye color, skin color, body size, etc. Her teachers have kinky curly hair (and defended her when a classmate said she didn't like how my daughter's hair smelled! 😭) but most of her classmates have straight hair. It just sucks that she's already absorbing this confining beauty standard. I try to point it out when we see people with hair like hers, and actually she has made some nice curly-headed acquaintances, and they commiserate over people petting them.”
“I also hated my curly hair growing up. I wanted my hair to look like a skater boy's, specifically Edward Furlong in Terminator 2.”
“Can you tell her that as the lifetime owner of totally straight long hair all I have ever wanted is curly hair like her? And it turns out that we both have nice hair!”
“I hated my hair when I was a kid and didn’t understand why it couldn’t be straight. Only maturity and understanding my ethnic background helped. I now embrace my afro, but I think you just have to keep letting her know she is gorgeous and introducing her to female role models with her hair. I’m totally available!”
“My dad was a country fan and I thought Crystal Gayle was the most beautiful woman in the world because her hair was down to her ankles.”
This has nothing to do with children’s hair but I strongly recommend you watch this interview.
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