YES YES YES While grocery shopping for his birthday party my son said "my birthday is ruined" because I put peanut M&Ms in the cart, not plain ones. While on vacation in a hotel he said "this trip sucks" because his sister ENTERED THE ELEVATOR BEFORE HIM. These things happened 15 years ago, still loaded in there and ready to fire LOL.
I started asking my kid "are you venting or asking me to fix these things" and it's been especially helpful! Each time he tells me he's venting! For context he has had a full-time job at the Complaint Factory since he was born, churning out both fresh and vintage organic complaints in a variety of flavours and textures, and it's something of a family joke I'll ask if he's putting in an extra shift today and he'll say he's working overtime
Lol Claire I read this after two weeks of solo parenting a 3 year old, during which we had covid and the dog ATE MY KID'S TURD AND THREW IT UP ON THE FLOOR and then my kid said "I love Daddy more than you." And then my husband came home like a fun chill guy like everything is normal. The nerve.
Lizzie this made me laugh so hard--I'm so sorry. I hope that jerk didn't come home with a souvenir for the kid and that you are all feeling better COVID-wise
it is very weird to become a parent & realize that the "angry mom voice" just comes factory installed apparently?? I've never lost it at my kid in a way I feel crossed a line (granted he's only 3), but there've been a few moments where I almost dissassociate & hear myself in a third-person way: "whoa, mom's mad. whoa, MOM IS ME" 🤯
It's a very specific flavor of rage that occurs when Mom has been extra giving and that kindness is met with nothing but an inflated sense of entitlement. I'd like to say that the backlash my family endures really teaches them a lesson, but it does not.
My stress level was already at a 9 and then we got family COVID while I still billed 12 hour days. So my fuse is about half an inch long. And because I’m so stressed my husband had a gall bladder attack. (That’s right because *I* am stressed, *he* had a gall bladder attack that knocked him out of commission for four days. He stays up all night worrying about my stress level, and the lack of sleep and the stomach acid sets off his gall bladder. Kill me now.)
So yeah, when after a morning of gentle, focused, therapeutic parenting, my kid whipped it out and pissed on the floor, the gentle mom of the neurodivergent kid left the fucking building. (I had to sit outside on the porch for 30 minutes.)
Oh my god I don't know you but I love you and send you all the hugs. I was so mad last night after my solo covid parenting rodeo that I went and slept at a hotel.
My mom went back to work in 1980 when my little brother started kindergarten. She was a secretary, so she took shit at work all day and then had to deal with us at home. And she's a neat mom, so she did all the housecleaning too. Every few weeks, she would yell and scream at us and we'd all cower in the corner and tiptoe around her and then things would go back to the way they were. That made me realize that nobody gives a shit if you do all the cleaning and they don't have to, so I do not do all the cleaning. My husband does 30% and I do 30% and the rest just doesn't get done until we can't stand it any more and then it's a crap shoot who ends up doing it. I used to always get mad at my husband when I had PMS. I say there was no reason, but hey I carried and delivered three babies and he did not, so maybe he should have been the target of my anger. Every once in a while I lose my shit and if you really want anybody to pay attention in your house you have to use the "F" word too. It's a fact.
I got mad at my son a few weeks ago for being greedy/entitled and asking for one 'special drink' (aka pop) too many and I said "you know, the block party is later today so you can drink pop til your dick falls off" -- and nobody said a peep.
Like yesterday when my 7 yo told me it’s my fault her room is a mess because I buy her too many clothes. I didn’t know where to start slicing into my layer cake of rage, so put myself in time out and frankly don’t care if the room ever gets clean.
oh MAN. Sometimes I just stand there and let them see me trying to figure out how to process what was just said to me. That seems like the time for that. Or throwing all the clothes onto the lawn.
I quit drinking while pregnant and never went back. I imagined that I would be a perennially calm Cali sober parent who would never fly into a rage because how could I if I wasn’t drunk?
Turns out I can be a rage filled harridan even while sober! It also turns out that hubris is a bitch. And so is perimenopause.
Here’s to leas rage and more “Serenity now!” however that comes to you. Xo Claire and thank you for this brave piece of writing.
“Even more maturely, I balled up and threw away the list without showing it to him” loved this. Can’t tell you how many pieces of scrap paper scribbled with my high emotions are scattered in trash cans across the city.
My mom could throw down some serous rage and could recall a deep tally. I didn’t get it then. I understand her and her situation better now. I struggle with allowing myself to feel the rage without repeating history.
Ooph. Deeply felt this one. My 5 yr old tried her best to pull the fridge over on herself in rage and yelled “I hate you!” at me in response to being told that she couldn’t have any ice cream because SHE’D already eaten all the ice cream; the mom rage kicked in so fast that the words “I hate you, too!” just ripped out of my mouth like a sober but perimenopausal bat outta hell. Great day. Really had some emotional labor to haul around while cleaning that one up.
Rachel! I just finally logged in and saw this--I really hope today/yesterday was better. But also I hope your daughter learned an important lesson about the ice cream. You can only hate yourself if you eat it all, nobody else.
Been feeling lately like Mom Rage is everywhere and I think it’s because **everything** is unsustainable! Glad it’s not just me losing my s**t on my household.
For her 5th birthday I bought my daughter an ice cream cake thinking that is what she wanted. Apparently she wanted a rainbow cake with an ice unicorn on it. Here we are 4 months later, and she’s still regularly complaining about how I ruined her birthday by getting the wrong kind of cake and then lectured me about it. Sends me into a rage EVERY TIME. Like, ma’am, I have pictures of you looking absolutely euphoric eating that cake.
YES YES YES While grocery shopping for his birthday party my son said "my birthday is ruined" because I put peanut M&Ms in the cart, not plain ones. While on vacation in a hotel he said "this trip sucks" because his sister ENTERED THE ELEVATOR BEFORE HIM. These things happened 15 years ago, still loaded in there and ready to fire LOL.
belated comeback: "My LIFE is ruined."
I started asking my kid "are you venting or asking me to fix these things" and it's been especially helpful! Each time he tells me he's venting! For context he has had a full-time job at the Complaint Factory since he was born, churning out both fresh and vintage organic complaints in a variety of flavours and textures, and it's something of a family joke I'll ask if he's putting in an extra shift today and he'll say he's working overtime
The number of dopamine hits I got while reading this should be illegal. Thank you.
Lol Claire I read this after two weeks of solo parenting a 3 year old, during which we had covid and the dog ATE MY KID'S TURD AND THREW IT UP ON THE FLOOR and then my kid said "I love Daddy more than you." And then my husband came home like a fun chill guy like everything is normal. The nerve.
Lizzie this made me laugh so hard--I'm so sorry. I hope that jerk didn't come home with a souvenir for the kid and that you are all feeling better COVID-wise
NOPE
You are amazing!
it is very weird to become a parent & realize that the "angry mom voice" just comes factory installed apparently?? I've never lost it at my kid in a way I feel crossed a line (granted he's only 3), but there've been a few moments where I almost dissassociate & hear myself in a third-person way: "whoa, mom's mad. whoa, MOM IS ME" 🤯
It's a very specific flavor of rage that occurs when Mom has been extra giving and that kindness is met with nothing but an inflated sense of entitlement. I'd like to say that the backlash my family endures really teaches them a lesson, but it does not.
My stress level was already at a 9 and then we got family COVID while I still billed 12 hour days. So my fuse is about half an inch long. And because I’m so stressed my husband had a gall bladder attack. (That’s right because *I* am stressed, *he* had a gall bladder attack that knocked him out of commission for four days. He stays up all night worrying about my stress level, and the lack of sleep and the stomach acid sets off his gall bladder. Kill me now.)
So yeah, when after a morning of gentle, focused, therapeutic parenting, my kid whipped it out and pissed on the floor, the gentle mom of the neurodivergent kid left the fucking building. (I had to sit outside on the porch for 30 minutes.)
Oh my god I don't know you but I love you and send you all the hugs. I was so mad last night after my solo covid parenting rodeo that I went and slept at a hotel.
I 1000% support you in that choice. I hope there was room service.
My mom went back to work in 1980 when my little brother started kindergarten. She was a secretary, so she took shit at work all day and then had to deal with us at home. And she's a neat mom, so she did all the housecleaning too. Every few weeks, she would yell and scream at us and we'd all cower in the corner and tiptoe around her and then things would go back to the way they were. That made me realize that nobody gives a shit if you do all the cleaning and they don't have to, so I do not do all the cleaning. My husband does 30% and I do 30% and the rest just doesn't get done until we can't stand it any more and then it's a crap shoot who ends up doing it. I used to always get mad at my husband when I had PMS. I say there was no reason, but hey I carried and delivered three babies and he did not, so maybe he should have been the target of my anger. Every once in a while I lose my shit and if you really want anybody to pay attention in your house you have to use the "F" word too. It's a fact.
I got mad at my son a few weeks ago for being greedy/entitled and asking for one 'special drink' (aka pop) too many and I said "you know, the block party is later today so you can drink pop til your dick falls off" -- and nobody said a peep.
CLAIRE. this one went right to my bones.
SAME
Yes. The truths here are amazing. 🧡🧡🧡
Like yesterday when my 7 yo told me it’s my fault her room is a mess because I buy her too many clothes. I didn’t know where to start slicing into my layer cake of rage, so put myself in time out and frankly don’t care if the room ever gets clean.
oh MAN. Sometimes I just stand there and let them see me trying to figure out how to process what was just said to me. That seems like the time for that. Or throwing all the clothes onto the lawn.
The hardest part of being a parent is giving the kids everything and not being worshipped in return. It's the worst type of unrequited appreciation.
I quit drinking while pregnant and never went back. I imagined that I would be a perennially calm Cali sober parent who would never fly into a rage because how could I if I wasn’t drunk?
Turns out I can be a rage filled harridan even while sober! It also turns out that hubris is a bitch. And so is perimenopause.
Here’s to leas rage and more “Serenity now!” however that comes to you. Xo Claire and thank you for this brave piece of writing.
“Even more maturely, I balled up and threw away the list without showing it to him” loved this. Can’t tell you how many pieces of scrap paper scribbled with my high emotions are scattered in trash cans across the city.
My mom could throw down some serous rage and could recall a deep tally. I didn’t get it then. I understand her and her situation better now. I struggle with allowing myself to feel the rage without repeating history.
I am struggling right there too.
Ooph. Deeply felt this one. My 5 yr old tried her best to pull the fridge over on herself in rage and yelled “I hate you!” at me in response to being told that she couldn’t have any ice cream because SHE’D already eaten all the ice cream; the mom rage kicked in so fast that the words “I hate you, too!” just ripped out of my mouth like a sober but perimenopausal bat outta hell. Great day. Really had some emotional labor to haul around while cleaning that one up.
Rachel! I just finally logged in and saw this--I really hope today/yesterday was better. But also I hope your daughter learned an important lesson about the ice cream. You can only hate yourself if you eat it all, nobody else.
Today was better, though, thanks! Possibly solely due to the fact that I got more ice cream.
Teaching life lessons, here, that’s my goal.
Been feeling lately like Mom Rage is everywhere and I think it’s because **everything** is unsustainable! Glad it’s not just me losing my s**t on my household.
Rage comes very easily to me. I think you’re right. Everything is unsustainable and unfair.
For her 5th birthday I bought my daughter an ice cream cake thinking that is what she wanted. Apparently she wanted a rainbow cake with an ice unicorn on it. Here we are 4 months later, and she’s still regularly complaining about how I ruined her birthday by getting the wrong kind of cake and then lectured me about it. Sends me into a rage EVERY TIME. Like, ma’am, I have pictures of you looking absolutely euphoric eating that cake.
oh I bet! I would be entering the "Good I'm GLAD you're mad" territory of maturity