I hope it’s evident that I don’t really think girls (and kids who are neither/nor) are no trouble in public. When you are at the end of your rope you think the dumbest stuff like how alllll the childfree people in the world must be out drinking champagne from a fountain and dancing the night away right now.
No worries! It’s good and helpful for us all to get little glimpses behind the curtains and see just because someone’s kid isn’t doing annoying thing A, annoying thing B is any more tolerable or enjoyable
I think a lot about a time when my oldest was 2 and we were at a museum together. He was grabbing trains from another kid at the train table and I was clucking at him to “share nicely”. The other mom, who had other three older kids running around and clearly was all out of fucks, looked and me and said “Don’t worry. My kids are assholes 95% of the time. It’s not a reflection on you.” I wanted to hug her.
That whole part about wanting the server to think you’re “one of the good ones” had me rolling on the floor. I mean, I AM one of the good ones, dammit! 😂
I had an experience a few years ago when my boys were 2 and 5 when we spent some time in Taipei and I got the sense there’s a bit more communal responsibility there. It can be very annoying but sometimes i welcomed little gestures of help (I was very exhausted.) whenever I walked around town with the kids, if they were acting crazy and/or loud, older women would laugh and smile and talk to them and they would pipe down just bc they were shocked a stranger was talking to them 😂. One woman gave my child a lollipop. It could just be because I’m white and my kids are biracial so we stood out, but in any case—there was a sense of flocking together and not necessarily the automatic assumption that I would get them under control.
that's really beautiful! I got that vibe in Michigan last year when these retirees seemed to enjoy my kids in a benevolent "Other kids are great; thank god mine are grown" way.
Jesus, this. Sub, "Hey, buddies, please ..." for "guys!" and this is very me. My children are among the loudest things ever created and I'm just doing my level best here in this filthy house. And so are you!
I have an over developed sense of decorum and "we don't do that in public." (Natural reticence coupled with the WASP finishing school that is the Ivy League.) In retribution the gods of irony sent me an autistic, only child boy who just wants to sing at the top of his lungs, take things apart or, idk, lick things for fun. My personal compromise-- he gets a tablet and headphones the minute we sit in a restaurant. (He's *starting* to be slightly chiller about sitting through "mommy has to make your videos work" but we're not there yet.) I will take the "bad parent glares" for his quiet technology use rather than for his screeching.
This workaround coupled with the two years of pandemic isolation has meant he's been truly surprised the few times he's been scooped up and summarily carried out of an establishment for being disruptive. Hoping that sticks before he's too big to fireman carry.
Could not relate to this more. And it starts so early - how many times did I tell my toddler son not to climb up the slide?! I don’t care if he climbs up the slide. The only reason I said it was for the other parents at the playground!
This may sound lame but this is why I never take my boy-child to restaurants! I mean he is 8 now so I probably could, but...he and his (older) sister can be so mean to each other with the teasing and pulling hair. No one needs to see it. I'll never forget when we went out to a hibachi restaurant as a 'treat' for my birthday (not my idea obviously)...I spent the entire night grabbing that kid to keep him from banging on the aquarium or trying to stick his hand into open flames. Good times.
My parents like a leisurely round of cocktails/appetizers when they go out to dinner so when we go out with them I ask for the kids' food to be brought out as soon as its ready which is either me being realistic or me being like 'please accommodate these brats." They have 20 minutes worth of attention to spread through a 90 minute meal.
Well as the parent of 3 girls (6 year old and 3 year old twins) this is a disturbingly accurate depiction of my life only with "Girls? Girls? Girls!" so, sorry to disappoint
I live to hear stories of girls being this way too. Truly it revives me. I know it’s dumb to revert to generalizations but my common sense gets really worn down.
Current theme for the younger ones is spontaneously stripping nude in various public places and dancing around shaking their butts at passersby while I try to convince them through gritted teeth to put on at least one article of clothing.
As usual, you have managed to put into words a phenomenon I have experienced frequently without being able to define it. Performance parenting! All the world's a stage, and all the parents are just trying to make it to curtain call.
Just a thought......I know people think boys hold the gold standard on crazy behaviour and parents of girls sit around having quiet tea parties. But I can attest to my daughters being like this also.....might be good to rethink how we think about boys vs girls? It's most kids I think. And then some like green tea and crafting quietly ;)
I know you are right. You know how you get in your head sometimes and think silly things at your more exhausted moments, like "Oh my god this kid is definitely going to grow up to be a toxic human" and the next day you're like "Oh turns out they had an ear infection." ;)
That's wild--I remember how many times one of the kids would be the WORST and it would turn out to be an ear infection. But thankfully never one in me! I hope you're feeling better.
Every word of this. My son was an extreme challenge. I will push back a bit about girls being easier. Our granddaughter is my son 2.0 (He’s not her dad. She’s my daughter’s) and it’s like I’m in a time loop.
My son had three friends we played with a lot and I always said when they were together they had a whole brain between them. Not a functional brain, mind you.
I hope it’s evident that I don’t really think girls (and kids who are neither/nor) are no trouble in public. When you are at the end of your rope you think the dumbest stuff like how alllll the childfree people in the world must be out drinking champagne from a fountain and dancing the night away right now.
I didn’t see this before I commented 😊
No worries! It’s good and helpful for us all to get little glimpses behind the curtains and see just because someone’s kid isn’t doing annoying thing A, annoying thing B is any more tolerable or enjoyable
I think a lot about a time when my oldest was 2 and we were at a museum together. He was grabbing trains from another kid at the train table and I was clucking at him to “share nicely”. The other mom, who had other three older kids running around and clearly was all out of fucks, looked and me and said “Don’t worry. My kids are assholes 95% of the time. It’s not a reflection on you.” I wanted to hug her.
Witch in the wild!! You love to hear it
Gah. I’m tearing up. So sweet.
That whole part about wanting the server to think you’re “one of the good ones” had me rolling on the floor. I mean, I AM one of the good ones, dammit! 😂
I had an experience a few years ago when my boys were 2 and 5 when we spent some time in Taipei and I got the sense there’s a bit more communal responsibility there. It can be very annoying but sometimes i welcomed little gestures of help (I was very exhausted.) whenever I walked around town with the kids, if they were acting crazy and/or loud, older women would laugh and smile and talk to them and they would pipe down just bc they were shocked a stranger was talking to them 😂. One woman gave my child a lollipop. It could just be because I’m white and my kids are biracial so we stood out, but in any case—there was a sense of flocking together and not necessarily the automatic assumption that I would get them under control.
that's really beautiful! I got that vibe in Michigan last year when these retirees seemed to enjoy my kids in a benevolent "Other kids are great; thank god mine are grown" way.
Jesus, this. Sub, "Hey, buddies, please ..." for "guys!" and this is very me. My children are among the loudest things ever created and I'm just doing my level best here in this filthy house. And so are you!
I have an over developed sense of decorum and "we don't do that in public." (Natural reticence coupled with the WASP finishing school that is the Ivy League.) In retribution the gods of irony sent me an autistic, only child boy who just wants to sing at the top of his lungs, take things apart or, idk, lick things for fun. My personal compromise-- he gets a tablet and headphones the minute we sit in a restaurant. (He's *starting* to be slightly chiller about sitting through "mommy has to make your videos work" but we're not there yet.) I will take the "bad parent glares" for his quiet technology use rather than for his screeching.
This workaround coupled with the two years of pandemic isolation has meant he's been truly surprised the few times he's been scooped up and summarily carried out of an establishment for being disruptive. Hoping that sticks before he's too big to fireman carry.
Could not relate to this more. And it starts so early - how many times did I tell my toddler son not to climb up the slide?! I don’t care if he climbs up the slide. The only reason I said it was for the other parents at the playground!
This may sound lame but this is why I never take my boy-child to restaurants! I mean he is 8 now so I probably could, but...he and his (older) sister can be so mean to each other with the teasing and pulling hair. No one needs to see it. I'll never forget when we went out to a hibachi restaurant as a 'treat' for my birthday (not my idea obviously)...I spent the entire night grabbing that kid to keep him from banging on the aquarium or trying to stick his hand into open flames. Good times.
My parents like a leisurely round of cocktails/appetizers when they go out to dinner so when we go out with them I ask for the kids' food to be brought out as soon as its ready which is either me being realistic or me being like 'please accommodate these brats." They have 20 minutes worth of attention to spread through a 90 minute meal.
Oh my god why are they the way they are?
Well as the parent of 3 girls (6 year old and 3 year old twins) this is a disturbingly accurate depiction of my life only with "Girls? Girls? Girls!" so, sorry to disappoint
I live to hear stories of girls being this way too. Truly it revives me. I know it’s dumb to revert to generalizations but my common sense gets really worn down.
Current theme for the younger ones is spontaneously stripping nude in various public places and dancing around shaking their butts at passersby while I try to convince them through gritted teeth to put on at least one article of clothing.
Oh yeah. the same kid screaming about needing privacy one minute will then shake its “I just swam in my underpants” ass at oncoming traffic.
i laughed aloud SO MANY TIMES at this, i feel so SEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!11111!!
As usual, you have managed to put into words a phenomenon I have experienced frequently without being able to define it. Performance parenting! All the world's a stage, and all the parents are just trying to make it to curtain call.
Love this - very true. I am always doing this!
Just a thought......I know people think boys hold the gold standard on crazy behaviour and parents of girls sit around having quiet tea parties. But I can attest to my daughters being like this also.....might be good to rethink how we think about boys vs girls? It's most kids I think. And then some like green tea and crafting quietly ;)
I know you are right. You know how you get in your head sometimes and think silly things at your more exhausted moments, like "Oh my god this kid is definitely going to grow up to be a toxic human" and the next day you're like "Oh turns out they had an ear infection." ;)
Funny you say that - I ended up in urgent care last week. Ear infection. And I was complaining about her attitude all week 😳
That's wild--I remember how many times one of the kids would be the WORST and it would turn out to be an ear infection. But thankfully never one in me! I hope you're feeling better.
Every word of this. My son was an extreme challenge. I will push back a bit about girls being easier. Our granddaughter is my son 2.0 (He’s not her dad. She’s my daughter’s) and it’s like I’m in a time loop.
My son had three friends we played with a lot and I always said when they were together they had a whole brain between them. Not a functional brain, mind you.