Witches at Hollywood awards ceremonies

Eating snacks at the Comedy Prom

My friend Kate, who lives in New York, is married to a man named Steve who works for a late night talk show. When she accompanied him to the Emmys last year, her first awards experience, I died when I saw how amazing my friend looked on the red carpet, especially with her post-COVID natural silver hair:

I had so many questions about how she made the look and the whole thing happen I decided I needed to do an issue on what it’s like to be a witch who goes to awards shows with/as a nominated person. 

How long did you have to get ready for the show?

They found out they were nominated in July. They felt pretty confident people could bring plus ones, but I knew by August for sure. Maybe a month before the ceremony. I find it very stressful as a mom. This is not made for out-of-towners that have families. I found myself openly jealous of our childless friends. They just stayed and chilled in L.A. for the week.

Where did you get the dress? 

I did Rent the Runway. The dress is Badgley Mischka. I feel like when you’re in your late 40s you gain a superpower of having no illusions of needing a bra situation. I hadn’t worn anything strapless in a long time, so I was steering clear of that. One thing I love about Rent the Runway is that you can see pics of real people wearing the dress. The Badgley Mischka was classic enough that people wouldn’t be going “What the fuck?” I wasn’t trying to revolutionize the red carpet. I could wear a bra that felt real.

[My husband took his mother to the Creative Arts Emmys the week before.] It was good to have her go first. I got to actively tell her, “You’re going to look great, but it’s not about you. You don’t have to get up and make a speech.” I tried to take that advice to heart but it was still like, extra fun shopping for a black tie event after a few years of a pandemic where I’ve gained some weight.

I wore shoes I’d gotten right before the pandemic that were broken in which I thought was important. I had a pair of earrings that are art deco fake diamond earrings that I love any chance to wear. I had a clutch that I got pre-pandemic. It randomly matched the dress.

My husband wore the same tuxedo two weeks in a row, and he dry-cleaned it and never thought twice about it.

What about hair and makeup?

This is where I felt most not myself. I reached out to one of the women I know who work on the show and she said “I’ve got someone I can’t use: Do you want me to hook you guys up?” So my friend passed me over to this hair and makeup woman who was fantastic and came to the hotel and did everything for me which was great.

I’m not a huge makeup person. The last thing I want is for people who know me to be like “Who is that?” She did a fantastic job. She was very thoughtful and open about, “Here’s what we’re doing because you’re going to be photographed a lot.”

Who watched your son while you went to the ceremony?

Our babysitter extraordinaire who he has known since he was 2. God, I love her. She was able to come and do the stretch from Sunday to Tuesday. She knows him and our apartment. She’s done school dropoff and pickup before. 

Make no mistake, he was very pissed off we were going, and he started a campaign two weeks before, trashing the Emmys. He’d say to me alone, “Mama, I don’t think you need to go with Dad.” I was like, “I’d like to go with Dad.” He’s like, “Isn’t it a work thing? Can’t he just go with work people?” He was like, “I think awards are stupid.” I was riding that line of “It’s all commercial bullshit,” and “This is a really big deal. I am going to the goddamn Emmys.”

We’re all out of sync. I used to travel all the time, and I don’t anymore. I get it but, still, byeeeee.

**

My L.A.-based buddy Wendy Molyneux is a writer on the animated shows Bob’s Burgers and creator of The Great North. We talked about when she went to the Critics Choice awards in 2021.

Who were your favorite celebrities you got to see?

That was my first big thing I had gone to where everybody had a PCR the day before, there were masks off, there was food, so I was nervous and keyed up and really excited. There were some really good celebrity sightings. We saw Will Smith (this was pre-Oscars.) The Williams sisters were there. Elle Fanning looked just as she does in the TV show and she had a big gold dress on and I was blown away.

What did you wear?

I actually detest dresses, but I found one dress that I like that was literally a $150 dress from Macy’s and I wear it to every awards event and premiere. I wear it everywhere, it fits, it has long sleeves, and I put little pins on it.

We leave the house around 2 and come back around 11 PM. It’s like a full day’s work. I strive to make it as close to pajamas as possible. It’s also how I dress in general. I do not enjoy being fancy. What I enjoy is having cocktails, celebrity sightings, and watching other people. Sitting on the sidelines of being fancy rather than being fancy myself. I love to hear the speeches, I love the pageantry of it. We’re away from our four kids for a fall day.

I’ve been going to the Emmys since the second year of Bob’s Burgers and we’re in our 13th year. I did have a couple of years where I attempted to wear some kind of small heel, and I wound up taking it off to wear to the dinner after. I wear flats or this one platform heel I love. You do a lot of walking and standing. If your feet hurt, you can’t feel happy. I’ve learned the hard way about shoes. 

Do you get your hair or makeup done for award shows? 

No, I’m the worst person to talk to about fancy events. I do not like to be groomed in any way. 

Who watches your kids while you’re gone?

We’ve had the same sitter for 11 years. A lot of the time she brings her daughter too, and that’s a big treat for them. They get pizza or Shake Shack. They’re always sweet when we leave, and they’re like “We hope you win,” and they ask if we won when we get home.

When Bob’s Burgers won our second Emmy we only had one child. He was 5 or 6 and we brought him that year, and it was incredible. He hit the dance floor so hard and he had a little tux with a purple vest, a cheapie order online. It was so freaking cute, and it made the night. Winning an Emmy was unforgettable but having my kid there tearing up the dance floor was even better.

Do you bring snacks?

I put two protein bars in my bag. This year the Creative Arts Emmys just went on and on and on. You’re sitting in a chair for three and a half hours. We were the last award of the night. The Critics Choice Awards had food, but it was a big lump of hummus. People were Instagramming their lump of hummus, like “Why is this? Why isn’t there food here?” After the lump of hummus, we went to a steakhouse we like to go to. 

Do you wear Spanx or any sort of control garment?

I wear tights that have a strong control-top only because I’m fat and I embrace being fat. I don’t do it to impress anyone but I think under a dress, without it everything is loose and wobbling around. It’s like wearing a thundersuit so I feel more calm.

You live in L.A.: How do you normally get to the ceremonies?

We always self-drive. You know how it is—when you have four children, the chance that one will throw up at night is pretty high. I don’t want to have to wait [for a car.] One of us stays sober enough to drive. We take our minivan.

**

Finally, I spoke with writer and performer Jenny Hagel about her trip to the Emmys in 2021 when the Amber Ruffin Show was first nominated (check out her gorgeous dress just recently at the Critics Choice Awards!)

I always refer to award ceremonies as Comedy Prom. It seems like a big world but it’s kind of small. Whenever I go to an award show the most fun part is running into a bunch of people you haven’t seen in a while. People you haven’t seen since your 20s in little improv groups and now we’re all busy with jobs and kids. 

2021 was the first year the Amber Ruffin Show show had been on the air. It was just so exciting, after a year and a half of everybody being stuck inside, wearing athleisure wear. You knew this was the first big event for a lot of people. I was really warmed by seeing what people chose to wear out of the house. I really love dressing up. I never get to dress like that. It’s the adult version of Halloween.

What did you wear?

I went on the internet because I’m a working mom and I just don’t have the time to try on a bunch of stuff. I looked at a million formal gowns and I found one. I love a big full skirt. That’s my favorite thing. That’s what I imagined as a little kid when I imagined princess movies.

I bought one that was too big and then took it to a really fantastic woman who works at the Amber Ruffin show named Nicolle Allen. She’s the person who designs by hand all the bow ties Amber wears. I asked her if she’d be open to tailoring my gown. She tailored it for me and the most clutch thing was that she put pockets in it. Lady clutches are small and they don’t hold a lot. She had me get my phone out and made pockets big enough to hold the phone and it was hidden by the folds of the gown.

What shoes are you wearing under there?

I’m wearing the most sensible heels I can imagine. I got them on Amazon for $29. I’m not ballin’ out. My proudest shopping moment was a few years before the pandemic. I worked at the Golden Globes when Seth Meyers hosted. I was on camera just briefly before the monologue. The gown I wore to that, my son was a toddler and it was me at the peak of my busy time. I Googled dresses and I ordered three of them and on camera, the one I’m wearing in front of Steven Spielberg was $179. That was the greatest shopping coup of my life. I think other people are excited to say “I’m wearing a fancy designer.” I’m more excited to say “This is was originally $200 and it was marked down to $49.00.”

What does your son think when you go to award shows? 

I try to downplay that stuff. I don’t want him to think awards are important but also I am divorced and he spends his weekends with his other parent. His routine isn’t disrupted that much when I go. If it was, I wouldn’t try to put a lot of emphasis on it. Nobody wants to raise the asshole whose kid says playground, “My mom went to the Emmys.”

What do you do for accessories?

I’ve acquired a bunch of nonsense costume jewelry and like a classy lady I have all these in a freezer bag. I just grab it and throw it in my suitcase. I always think I’ll spend a lot of time choosing my accessories but instead I’m in a rush and I just grab a bracelet and this or that glittery thing.

What do you bring to the ceremony?

You’ve gotta bring your lipstick in case you reapply. A face mask. I take my driver’s license, debit card, $40 and rubber band and that’s my wallet. You absolutely have to bring snacks. Awards shows are longer than you think and you’re just there for hours.

Any particular snacks you recommend? 

Hard-hitting ones. It’s a granola bar situation, a Power Bar.

Did you go to an after-party after the ceremony? 

No after-party. We went to Amber’s hotel room, and Shantira Jackson and I split a cake and that was pretty fun.

The first time I went to an awards show I was like “I don’t want to do this wrong”. There is no wrong. It’s just what feels right to you. I had so much more fun the next time.

Although with the step and repeat. I never don’t feel awkward. “How am I supposed to stand? “Am I standing right?” 

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