It's hard to be the one who Sees the Things. No one else in this whole multi-generational sh*tshow Sees the Things. I swear my typical daily routine is:
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Pick up child's shoes. Put them on shoe rack.
- Step on Elsa, driving her tiny plastic fingers deep into the tender soles of my feet.
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Pick up the used paper towel wad someone was keeping because there was still a good corner in there somewhere.
- Do a load of dishes.
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Pick up the Inexplicable Socks. Why did someone take off their socks in the kitchen?
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Do a load of dishes.
- PICK UP SPOUSE'S SHOES. pUT THEM ON THE SHOE RACK.
- Remove the bird seed from the dining table.
- Take the legos from the bathroom. Mental note to ask child why lego brand bricks and pieces were in the tub.
- Do two loads of dishes. Ponder how it is possible for a family of three to use 27 plates in a day (when _one_ of uses two. Two. I promise it's possible. Please. I beg you. Where are you going with that oversized handwash-only cutting board).
I realized that a solid 75% of the words coming out of my mouth on a daily basis are "where do(es) your x belong", where x can be shoes, dishes, dirty clothes, trash, backpack, sunglasses, favorite toy, SOCKS (WHY ARE THERE DIRTY SOCKS EVERYWHERE), etc.
Oh my god the summertime schedule adjustment is murdering me. Camp pickup is at 4 (preschool was 5:30) and even though my workload is light this summer, the psychic adjustment to ending my workday (ie my me time) 1.5 hours earlier is awful.
Or like the other day when I dropped him off and realized he wasn't particularly shiny and had to ask his teachers to sunscreen him. (Yes I have been talking to my therapist about mental load a LOT)
Our schedule is different every week with ending times anywhere between 3-5 and it has definitely made me think I don’t appreciate the sameness of the school year schedule enough! And the drop off times are all different too.
THE BASEBALL BACKPACK. My son is all "I don't want to keep it in my room! It's too big." Then, please, by all means, please make it a focal point of my living room, where everyone who walks through our front door can see it.
My kids are at camp this week and I made myself forego any chores. Zero! My agenda included things like "watch TV" and "learn how to make a margarita." Tonight, we're going with some fellow childless-via-camp parents to a dive bar that has boozy sno-cones and then I am going to finish Season 3 of Bridgerton. Maybe I'll regret not having a clean house next week, but I doubt it.
it worked out well the cleaning folks came while they were gone so that was a motivator. Also we did a HUGE toy purge right before they left that felt like passing a much-needed poop
That is a big motivator! I love a toy purge! We're due for another. Also, the boys are begging to have their "art" hung on their bedroom walls after we had them painted, but like . . . they are at camp! I want to watch TV!
Laughed out loud at the one beer that is actually four beers because at times I’ve had multiples of this taking up the whole bottom shelf! And the plastic tops, can you recycle them? Does anything get recycled? SEND IT TO THE BLACK HOLE!
The kids and I were gone for 10 days, leaving husband with the dog (we do this every year.) Two days after we came home, he was was sitting at the table looking around. and stated, "Let's see piles of opened mail, socks on the floor, milk not put away. Yep, you're back!"
He missed us tremendously. (Did I mention that It was I who cleaned the house from top to bottom before we left?)
Okay I also require the PBH, but I can (potentially) solve just one of the many quandary items you mentioned: old clothes that aren’t in wearable condition anymore.
The key is to either have children who would go totally nuts on a wrestling dummy, or find those children among your friends/neighbors. Buy a wrestling dummy on Amazon (they aren’t expensive but they come unstuffed). Fill that thing with ripped up clothing, old stained duvets, mismatched socks, terrible towels, etc. You *could* stuff it with polyfill but then it would weigh like, 5 lbs - you want it to weigh a metric fuckton because then it’s heavy work/proprioceptive input/way more fun to body slam.
Give large, lumpy wrestling dummy to feral, sensory-seeking children. Two birds, one stone, you’re welcome.
(I cannot solve for the rest of it and the clutter is eating me alive.)
I also learned belatedly that the suburb next to us has proper textile recycling so I'm going to use one of my Skokie hookups to properly purge my husband's old disgusting undershirts
The only solution for the ever-expanding wad of plastic shopping bags is for your state to ban them. At which point you will still forget to bring them to store, but at least you won't keep adding more, and you can slooooooowly use them up as small trash bags.
Today's shopping trip involved overloading the one huge reusable bag with too much stuff, and then filling up the too-small bag with like one bunch of scallions.
We went away for ten days and had multiple fresh air moments, an ocean, and a pool, and a house with six OTHER adults besides my partner and me. I have never felt so good in my body, I was like: what’s the big deal, why did I think life was so hard? Cut to: returning home, my children squabbling IMMEDIATELY upon waking, my 6 y.o.’s room being a tornado of playdough and pennies, stuffies and pencils from morning until night. I’ve aged twelve years in the two days we’ve been home. Love the sinner hate the sin! They are radiant little disasters and I have no one to blame but myself. (Get me my in ground pool and built-in nannies. Mama needs a break and it’s only 9am)
“I have no one to blame but myself” would be a great title for a parenting column. When the kids got home from summer camp our friends told us their sons were in tears fighting within a half hour of getting home, and ours followed suit by about 20 minutes. Those easy breezy summer days.
The Sharpie bleeding through to the countertop and the Magic Eraser (with supplementary treatment - would have never thought of taping down the wipe with Saran. Witchy!)
"Clothes that are damaged/soiled enough that nobody would want them as a hand-me-down/donation but also don’t seem in that bad shape, so you hang onto them in hopes an elegant solution will reveal itself" This is my downfall. I have a small pile in my bedroom as I write. Now that my kids' clothes are too large to donate to nature preschool (where stains do not matter), I don't know what to do.
Also, Robert Prehn--OMG the SOCKS! Where do they come from and why? Why are they on my kitchen floor? Why are the on a shelf with the diet Coke?
god I'm going over my comments and sadly this comment reminded me that there are a pair of dirty socks in the back of my car that I need to remember to make my kid get (I do not think I should have to touch them.)
Have you read The Anxious Generation yet? I just finished and found it fascinating and terrifying. I have a 15 month old so who the hell knows what kind of technology we'll have to keep away from him in 5-10 years. For now, I just wanted to say kudos to you for resisting societal pressure to give your kid a cellphone, and also for sending him to sleepaway camp. I never went to camp. I wouldn't have liked it as a kid, but I think it would have been good for me to go. And now, as an adult, I would love to go!
Thanks! I haven't read the book yet but I def know about it. There are a lot of things that make it so his life can function pretty well without a phone which I know isn't the case for all kids.
I went to/worked at the sleepaway camp the boys went to so I knew they had a long history of making kids feel welcome. If it was an unknown to me place I'd probably be less gung ho about it!
If you really want to learn to clean up your kid’s shit every day, be like me… get a dog that maliciously chews the kid’s toys (and ONLY the kid’s toys) if they are not put back in a container when you leave for drop off or pickup or ANYTHING.
that is a really good/cute motivator. Our dog doesn't really eat stuff anymore except for sometimes when he just has to help himself to some puzzle pieces.
It's hard to be the one who Sees the Things. No one else in this whole multi-generational sh*tshow Sees the Things. I swear my typical daily routine is:
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Pick up child's shoes. Put them on shoe rack.
- Step on Elsa, driving her tiny plastic fingers deep into the tender soles of my feet.
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Pick up the used paper towel wad someone was keeping because there was still a good corner in there somewhere.
- Do a load of dishes.
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Pick up the Inexplicable Socks. Why did someone take off their socks in the kitchen?
- Pick up spouse's shoes. Put them on the shoe rack.
- Do a load of dishes.
- PICK UP SPOUSE'S SHOES. pUT THEM ON THE SHOE RACK.
- Remove the bird seed from the dining table.
- Take the legos from the bathroom. Mental note to ask child why lego brand bricks and pieces were in the tub.
- Do two loads of dishes. Ponder how it is possible for a family of three to use 27 plates in a day (when _one_ of uses two. Two. I promise it's possible. Please. I beg you. Where are you going with that oversized handwash-only cutting board).
- PICK up SPOfnekxiejckskfj
I realized that a solid 75% of the words coming out of my mouth on a daily basis are "where do(es) your x belong", where x can be shoes, dishes, dirty clothes, trash, backpack, sunglasses, favorite toy, SOCKS (WHY ARE THERE DIRTY SOCKS EVERYWHERE), etc.
I feel this so very deeply.
This made me laugh, thank you for sharing your pain.
Oh my god the summertime schedule adjustment is murdering me. Camp pickup is at 4 (preschool was 5:30) and even though my workload is light this summer, the psychic adjustment to ending my workday (ie my me time) 1.5 hours earlier is awful.
Not to mention making sure they have all their shit. I realized I forgot to include “ALLLMOST empty cans of sunscreen” in the sundry messes
Or like the other day when I dropped him off and realized he wasn't particularly shiny and had to ask his teachers to sunscreen him. (Yes I have been talking to my therapist about mental load a LOT)
my friend got a call from camp DURING THE DAY to let her know her son didn't have his sunscreen. Her: ....
Our schedule is different every week with ending times anywhere between 3-5 and it has definitely made me think I don’t appreciate the sameness of the school year schedule enough! And the drop off times are all different too.
THE BASEBALL BACKPACK. My son is all "I don't want to keep it in my room! It's too big." Then, please, by all means, please make it a focal point of my living room, where everyone who walks through our front door can see it.
They are like small house rhinos with the bats sticking out.
My son puts his in the kitchen. And there are freaking tiny penis protector cups ALL OVER MY HOUSE!
this is how we as mothers become the "this is fine" hell dog.
My kids are at camp this week and I made myself forego any chores. Zero! My agenda included things like "watch TV" and "learn how to make a margarita." Tonight, we're going with some fellow childless-via-camp parents to a dive bar that has boozy sno-cones and then I am going to finish Season 3 of Bridgerton. Maybe I'll regret not having a clean house next week, but I doubt it.
it worked out well the cleaning folks came while they were gone so that was a motivator. Also we did a HUGE toy purge right before they left that felt like passing a much-needed poop
That is a big motivator! I love a toy purge! We're due for another. Also, the boys are begging to have their "art" hung on their bedroom walls after we had them painted, but like . . . they are at camp! I want to watch TV!
I love that you took the week off from chores! Live it up!!!
Laughed out loud at the one beer that is actually four beers because at times I’ve had multiples of this taking up the whole bottom shelf! And the plastic tops, can you recycle them? Does anything get recycled? SEND IT TO THE BLACK HOLE!
The hard plastic beer carriers can be recycled or reused!
https://paktech-opi.com/recycling-drop-off/
Anything that needs to be taken to a different location to be recycled is a black hole contender, imo
Hello dry cleaning bags, broken Xmas lights
The kids and I were gone for 10 days, leaving husband with the dog (we do this every year.) Two days after we came home, he was was sitting at the table looking around. and stated, "Let's see piles of opened mail, socks on the floor, milk not put away. Yep, you're back!"
He missed us tremendously. (Did I mention that It was I who cleaned the house from top to bottom before we left?)
Steve and I took awhile to adjust to each other again for sure. For some reason he didn’t appreciate me being a big bitch about his own little messes.
Okay I also require the PBH, but I can (potentially) solve just one of the many quandary items you mentioned: old clothes that aren’t in wearable condition anymore.
The key is to either have children who would go totally nuts on a wrestling dummy, or find those children among your friends/neighbors. Buy a wrestling dummy on Amazon (they aren’t expensive but they come unstuffed). Fill that thing with ripped up clothing, old stained duvets, mismatched socks, terrible towels, etc. You *could* stuff it with polyfill but then it would weigh like, 5 lbs - you want it to weigh a metric fuckton because then it’s heavy work/proprioceptive input/way more fun to body slam.
Give large, lumpy wrestling dummy to feral, sensory-seeking children. Two birds, one stone, you’re welcome.
(I cannot solve for the rest of it and the clutter is eating me alive.)
that is an amazing application!!
I also learned belatedly that the suburb next to us has proper textile recycling so I'm going to use one of my Skokie hookups to properly purge my husband's old disgusting undershirts
where do i sign up for a black hole
omg please
it's urgent
Same! I want it all to go away.
Hole Prime
The only solution for the ever-expanding wad of plastic shopping bags is for your state to ban them. At which point you will still forget to bring them to store, but at least you won't keep adding more, and you can slooooooowly use them up as small trash bags.
Today's shopping trip involved overloading the one huge reusable bag with too much stuff, and then filling up the too-small bag with like one bunch of scallions.
my son's hat was missing for 5 months, my husband found it underneath his own giant pile of hats, who would have thought
So many hats; where is a group of naughty monkeys to take them away when you need them
We went away for ten days and had multiple fresh air moments, an ocean, and a pool, and a house with six OTHER adults besides my partner and me. I have never felt so good in my body, I was like: what’s the big deal, why did I think life was so hard? Cut to: returning home, my children squabbling IMMEDIATELY upon waking, my 6 y.o.’s room being a tornado of playdough and pennies, stuffies and pencils from morning until night. I’ve aged twelve years in the two days we’ve been home. Love the sinner hate the sin! They are radiant little disasters and I have no one to blame but myself. (Get me my in ground pool and built-in nannies. Mama needs a break and it’s only 9am)
“I have no one to blame but myself” would be a great title for a parenting column. When the kids got home from summer camp our friends told us their sons were in tears fighting within a half hour of getting home, and ours followed suit by about 20 minutes. Those easy breezy summer days.
SUCH a good column name!! lol easy breezy summer days 💞💪🏽
The Sharpie bleeding through to the countertop and the Magic Eraser (with supplementary treatment - would have never thought of taping down the wipe with Saran. Witchy!)
I believe I got that long ago from Jolie Kerr—I need to give credit where credit is due!
One of those messes where you’re like “well, you’re doing something creative so I feel like I can’t get too mad even though I am absolutely dismayed.”
I guess I’m an angel investor now! Where do I send all the money I have left after summer expenses - ~$5
"Clothes that are damaged/soiled enough that nobody would want them as a hand-me-down/donation but also don’t seem in that bad shape, so you hang onto them in hopes an elegant solution will reveal itself" This is my downfall. I have a small pile in my bedroom as I write. Now that my kids' clothes are too large to donate to nature preschool (where stains do not matter), I don't know what to do.
Also, Robert Prehn--OMG the SOCKS! Where do they come from and why? Why are they on my kitchen floor? Why are the on a shelf with the diet Coke?
god I'm going over my comments and sadly this comment reminded me that there are a pair of dirty socks in the back of my car that I need to remember to make my kid get (I do not think I should have to touch them.)
Have you read The Anxious Generation yet? I just finished and found it fascinating and terrifying. I have a 15 month old so who the hell knows what kind of technology we'll have to keep away from him in 5-10 years. For now, I just wanted to say kudos to you for resisting societal pressure to give your kid a cellphone, and also for sending him to sleepaway camp. I never went to camp. I wouldn't have liked it as a kid, but I think it would have been good for me to go. And now, as an adult, I would love to go!
Thanks! I haven't read the book yet but I def know about it. There are a lot of things that make it so his life can function pretty well without a phone which I know isn't the case for all kids.
I went to/worked at the sleepaway camp the boys went to so I knew they had a long history of making kids feel welcome. If it was an unknown to me place I'd probably be less gung ho about it!
If you really want to learn to clean up your kid’s shit every day, be like me… get a dog that maliciously chews the kid’s toys (and ONLY the kid’s toys) if they are not put back in a container when you leave for drop off or pickup or ANYTHING.
that is a really good/cute motivator. Our dog doesn't really eat stuff anymore except for sometimes when he just has to help himself to some puzzle pieces.