Sep 20, 2022·edited Sep 20, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey
I wish I had this newsletter 14 months ago! I wanted to shout out your newsletter from 2021 that shared parents' looking back on sleep training that concluded whether or not parents did sleep training, they didn't regret their choices. Reading that newsletter was the big push I needed to get serious about sleep training and our lives improved by a million percent once I did!!!!
I sleep-trained both my kids and have zero regrets. I went back to work FT and, well, let's just say it's really hard to bring home the bacon if your brain isn't sleeping.
Before kids I attended a women-in-tech conference where a high-ranking female executive said she'd put her babies in childcare and worked her ass up the ladder so that she'd have the clout and flexibility to be home at 3 when they were teenagers. Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems, as they say. As the parent of two pandemic-sticken teens, I have no regrets about following that advice, either.
Good post, thanks. Sent it to the younger Moms I know. As a mother of six grown humans and former childbirth and parenting educator I know these things to be true. My kid were born exactly who they are. I couldn’t have changed a thing. Loving them, working to ensure their survival was a great journey. Evolution as parents and kids is something we do in families and yes we need sleep to function. Within intelligent, wise, and sane culture (a scarcity today) we are furnished with the support we benefit from to be parents. Kids are hostages to fortune and must go their own way - they don’t belong to us.
I LOVED this! I felt such rage reading LHO's article although she wrote it so beautifully. The illustrative story about Heather made me cry.
Even though my kids are 6&9, I still sometimes feel very "they'll never be this little again." I started a job that requires a tough commute about 6 months ago and this morning my six year old waved goodbye to me at the door with tears running down his face. And I felt like "is this effing job worth it?" (It is, but argh).
I had read and commented on that Cut article. My first child was a great sleeper, napped regularly until she started kindergarten. My second... not so much. Honestly, even a professional nanny we were lucky enough to have for a few days was surprised how little he slept. The lost brain cells are immeasurable. But reading about Heather, who slept in a toddler bed while her toddler slept in a twin (and that's an upgrade from Heather sleeping with her head on a bedside table) and her husband sleeping in another room with another child, was just sad. There is no reason to live like that and martyr yourself.
Not about sleep training - but yesterday my baby was crying on the bus, and this lady started interrogating me - "are you breastfeeding? Do you drink coffee? What are you eating - chocolate? Peppers? Chilli? You should eat yoghurt only..." (The baby was hungry, but she thought he had wind thanks to my clearly horrendous diet.) I was so very annoyed, and then this headline popped into my head - "Weirdos don't know better". It's so true, online or not. So thanks for making me feel much better on such a rubbish journey!
We sleep trained at 8 weeks and I never once regretted it. The first few nights were hell on my psyche but the glorious 6-7 hours of sleep I got almost every night after that were worth it.
Thank you for this. I am 13 weeks pregnant and haven't thought about sleep training yet but am starting to think about child care options for when I have to go back to work (and already regretting that). I needed to read this!
don't mean to freak you out! I think the main thing you need to know is that you cannot make it easy whatever path you take. There is going to be guaranteed suckage re: sleep. But--you don't have to pretend to enjoy it!
Ah, to have read this when my babies were babies and we all struggled. Though I may not have had the common sense to believe you when all I did was feel bad about myself as a mother. Which does not contribute to a good bonding dynamic, btw! Even reading it now, 8 years out from my last newborn, I get emotional. THANK YOU
This is why a good network is so important even when they're older. I have those nights/weeks where I'm like what the hell am I doing? Am I missing something? Talking to other women I know who I KNOW care deeply and work hard at motherhood who also have those shitty times makes me feel better about it. If they have shit times so can I.
Sep 20, 2022·edited Sep 20, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey
I scrolled right past this Cut article when I saw the headline bc I knew it would piss me off. Thanks for the summary. The most maddening thing to me is the policing of mothers. Your cab driver analogy doesn’t doesn’t fully map bc at least the cabbie is getting money from preying on sleep-deprived tourists. What, precisely, are these “sleep weirdos” getting? There is a really cruel streak of gender role/mother-as-martyr enforcement that makes me stabby. 🔪🫠🫠
I wish I had this newsletter 14 months ago! I wanted to shout out your newsletter from 2021 that shared parents' looking back on sleep training that concluded whether or not parents did sleep training, they didn't regret their choices. Reading that newsletter was the big push I needed to get serious about sleep training and our lives improved by a million percent once I did!!!!
I sleep-trained both my kids and have zero regrets. I went back to work FT and, well, let's just say it's really hard to bring home the bacon if your brain isn't sleeping.
Before kids I attended a women-in-tech conference where a high-ranking female executive said she'd put her babies in childcare and worked her ass up the ladder so that she'd have the clout and flexibility to be home at 3 when they were teenagers. Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems, as they say. As the parent of two pandemic-sticken teens, I have no regrets about following that advice, either.
Claire!
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👑
👑
🙌🙌🙌🙌
Good post, thanks. Sent it to the younger Moms I know. As a mother of six grown humans and former childbirth and parenting educator I know these things to be true. My kid were born exactly who they are. I couldn’t have changed a thing. Loving them, working to ensure their survival was a great journey. Evolution as parents and kids is something we do in families and yes we need sleep to function. Within intelligent, wise, and sane culture (a scarcity today) we are furnished with the support we benefit from to be parents. Kids are hostages to fortune and must go their own way - they don’t belong to us.
I LOVED this! I felt such rage reading LHO's article although she wrote it so beautifully. The illustrative story about Heather made me cry.
Even though my kids are 6&9, I still sometimes feel very "they'll never be this little again." I started a job that requires a tough commute about 6 months ago and this morning my six year old waved goodbye to me at the door with tears running down his face. And I felt like "is this effing job worth it?" (It is, but argh).
As someone with a newborn at home, I am living for this take
godspeed friend!
I had read and commented on that Cut article. My first child was a great sleeper, napped regularly until she started kindergarten. My second... not so much. Honestly, even a professional nanny we were lucky enough to have for a few days was surprised how little he slept. The lost brain cells are immeasurable. But reading about Heather, who slept in a toddler bed while her toddler slept in a twin (and that's an upgrade from Heather sleeping with her head on a bedside table) and her husband sleeping in another room with another child, was just sad. There is no reason to live like that and martyr yourself.
My favorite sleep strategy is PAID FAMILY LEAVE FOR ALL. 🤔
You are the best.
Oh my god, the newborn stage with my first was pure hell. I would NEVER go back there.
Not about sleep training - but yesterday my baby was crying on the bus, and this lady started interrogating me - "are you breastfeeding? Do you drink coffee? What are you eating - chocolate? Peppers? Chilli? You should eat yoghurt only..." (The baby was hungry, but she thought he had wind thanks to my clearly horrendous diet.) I was so very annoyed, and then this headline popped into my head - "Weirdos don't know better". It's so true, online or not. So thanks for making me feel much better on such a rubbish journey!
ha! I'm SO glad this had a practical use! FTW (f*** that weirdo.) You're doing great.
We sleep trained at 8 weeks and I never once regretted it. The first few nights were hell on my psyche but the glorious 6-7 hours of sleep I got almost every night after that were worth it.
Thank you for this. I am 13 weeks pregnant and haven't thought about sleep training yet but am starting to think about child care options for when I have to go back to work (and already regretting that). I needed to read this!
don't mean to freak you out! I think the main thing you need to know is that you cannot make it easy whatever path you take. There is going to be guaranteed suckage re: sleep. But--you don't have to pretend to enjoy it!
Ah, to have read this when my babies were babies and we all struggled. Though I may not have had the common sense to believe you when all I did was feel bad about myself as a mother. Which does not contribute to a good bonding dynamic, btw! Even reading it now, 8 years out from my last newborn, I get emotional. THANK YOU
This is why a good network is so important even when they're older. I have those nights/weeks where I'm like what the hell am I doing? Am I missing something? Talking to other women I know who I KNOW care deeply and work hard at motherhood who also have those shitty times makes me feel better about it. If they have shit times so can I.
I scrolled right past this Cut article when I saw the headline bc I knew it would piss me off. Thanks for the summary. The most maddening thing to me is the policing of mothers. Your cab driver analogy doesn’t doesn’t fully map bc at least the cabbie is getting money from preying on sleep-deprived tourists. What, precisely, are these “sleep weirdos” getting? There is a really cruel streak of gender role/mother-as-martyr enforcement that makes me stabby. 🔪🫠🫠
you are right! What DO they get? Just the currency of knowing you made someone else's life awful.