Alyce Chan is a New York-based comedian and mom that I (along with 169K other people) follow on Instagram. Parent humor on social media can be a delicate thing—the right reel can legitimately brighten your day, yet seeing something served up that seems lame or unoriginal can make you ashamed to be a.) a parent b.) a person online. But Alyce’s stuff is witchy in a way that resonates, especially because she has two boys like I do. She did standup comedy pre-kids and then post-motherhood, made it a defining part of her work, launching a humor platform called Mom Com and hosting comedy events where new parents in need of a laugh could bring their own babies to a show (you can learn a little more about her comedy origins here.)
Alyce and I recently chatted about her work and commiserated over humor, raising kids, being online, flopping at parenting and comedy, having aging parents, and how it’s never a good sign when you have a bunch of boys playing at your house and suddenly they’ve all taken their shirts off. You can follow her on Instagram here and find her upcoming shows here. Here’s a condensed and edited version of our conversation.
How was your recent standup tour?
It wasn’t officially a tour, but it’s convenient to say that because it makes it look important. I was on the West Coast in Vancouver because that’s my hometown. All my family is there. We did back-to-back shows. It was great, except I’m in that sandwich generation. We had a whole month where I stayed with my mom, who had just fought lung cancer. Then, my dad started deteriorating. So I had to split my time entertaining my kids, putting on a happy, brave face, and helping them process because they saw me taking care of their grandfather. We would go to a fun place called Science World. Then, I would have to feed them dinner. Then, I would take my dad to the casino at night because that’s the only thing he likes to do now. I had to get the kids to bed, and then I had to be funny.
One night, I was so off because my dad was talking about his splitting of assets. In Chinese culture, once they start talking about giving out their money, it means they will die very soon. I’m like, “Damn, this is real. But I have a show in three hours.” I’m like, “What am I going to do? I’m going to harness that energy, whatever that energy is, and just do a killer show.” Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn’t.
How much after-show schmoozing is part of the gig, and how much do you do that now compared to pre-kids?
Once I’m out, I better just milk that night. You know how hard it is: “All right. I’m going out. Do we have childcare set up? Are they going to be eating? What time are they going to go to bed?” I already have everything lined up, so I stay out. I’ll schmooze if I need to. But I’m enjoying it. Before, I used to do it because I was like, “I’ve got to hang out here. I’ve got to know this producer.” I did open mics before where you had to stay three hours before you even got your turn.
Now, when I’m producing my own show or performing with people I love, it fills me where it used to drain me physically, and I was much younger then.
Do you make a point of following a lot of other mom comedians or accounts? For me, I almost try not to read too much parenting stuff because it might make me aware of how unoriginal my shit is, or I think too much about what other people are doing. Other times, I’m like, “That’s not relevant to me.” Or dad humor often makes me think, “Get the f off my feed.”
I actually don’t follow a lot of mom comedians. I follow fashion influencers. Makeup and people who do organizational closets follow that. Health tips. Easy, simple cooking recipes. I love looking at food, but not really mom comedians, for that same reason. I don’t want that to influence my work or feel like I’m copying them. I try to really riff off my own experiences.
I do get served dad humor. I look at it with a magnifying glass. The ones I follow are the ones who are giving advice to men. Like, “Hey, your partner doesn’t want to get intimate with you. Here are some of the reasons why.” I’m like, “Good.” I know a lot of women talk to each other, and we’re supportive, and we’re like, “Moms. need breaks. You need me time.” But what about our partners? They need to know. They need to be our allies. There are only a few that I follow, and they all have that underlying theme. They are supportive partners.
The ones that make me cringe are just like, “Here’s a trending audio.” It’s a song that everyone is using, and I’m just like, “Ugh.” It’s the music that makes me cringe. I appreciate people who try to be funny, but some of it is a little too contrived. Like, the ones that are perfectly coiffed who are like, “I’m a messy mom!”
Do you have an editor or anything like that?
I’m a one-woman show.
I was curious what your process is, from idea to posting.
I have 10 notebooks, and they all have different jokes and ideas. I get distracted too easily, so I have to do it when I feel it. When I’m home alone, that’s an incentive because I’m like, “Okay, no one’s home, so the audio is good except for guy right now mowing the lawn.”
It’s usually something that just happened to me that I’ve retained in my head, and then I’ll record it a few times. Then, the editing is a longer process. Sometimes, it’s so simple that it will take me 30 seconds to film, and it doesn’t require any acting. It’s just me doing something, and then I use some text and audio.
Some things are longer, and there’s a script in my head. I look at it, and I’m like, “No, it needs something else. I need to redo that part.” It can take a couple of hours to finalize a scene. Some sketches can take two hours. Sometimes, I do it in chunks, so I’ll film over two days and edit it on the third day. I usually put those on platforms like Scary Mommy or Tinybeans Kids because I get compensated for it. The ones I do on my own are quick ones that don’t take too much time, and it’s really just to get engagement with my audience and to be like, “Hey, I’m still here.”
Have you ever put something up that you took down because it hurt someone’s feelings or it didn’t land right?
It was early on in my days on Instagram, and I joked about foster kids. Someone said, “Hey, I know what you’re trying to do. It’s not funny. It’s very insensitive. I’m a foster parent.” I was like, “Oh, oops. I didn’t think of it that way.” I took it down.
When someone tells you kindly that something was not nice, that’s worse than some drive-by troll being like, “I hope you die, bitch.”
I was like, “I’m going to cry now and dig myself a hole; I’m such an asshole.” Then one person was like, “I saw one of your stand-ups and I really didn’t like that allergy bit because food allergies are a very serious thing, and my kid is allergic to so many things, and it’s been very hard for me.” I’m like, “Well, it wasn’t really making fun of kids with allergies. I was making fun of myself not understanding that this kid had a banana allergy, and I asked if they wanted a banana bread.”
The ones that I can push a little will be on stage. You don’t know who’s watching online. My kids’ teachers are following me. It’s pretty PG-13. But on stage, the way you deliver a joke verbally is very different from how you would online.
Your livelihood depends on likes and engagement. What conversations do you have with your kids about social media?
I tell them, “Okay, likes don’t mean you are anything. It doesn’t mean you’re the funniest or the smartest person. It just means that people relate to this video.” I never want them to equate that to having confidence. I need to let them know, “Social media is just my job. It’s not me. Engagement, likes, and stuff isn’t important.”
My kid is always like, “Oh, I want to be on YouTube.” He’s already watching Mr. Beast and all these huge YouTube stars. I must explain to him, “I don’t want you on YouTube. Maybe when you’re older, I can teach you how to edit and film videos.” My background is in film, and I want them to appreciate that. My nine-year-old is now talking about concepts with me and shooting with me. I’m like, “If you give me a funny concept, and you direct it and act in it, I’ll give you 50 bucks.”
How does bombing on stage compare to a really bad day as a mom?
Bombing on stage really sucks. I carry it through the whole night, and it could really upset me. I’ll go home and be like, “Fuck.” But that’s part of the learning process.
I record everything. So I’m like, “Okay, the timing. I had too many words; I didn’t pause.” It makes me a better comic the next time. Same with parenting. “Yeah, I yelled at my kid last week, and he slammed the door in my face, and I started threatening him. Nope, that wasn’t good.”
The bad parenting, I think, crushes me more. It’s different because when you bomb on stage, it’s just you. You’re personally taking it, and you’re like, “Oh, okay, well, what do I have to do to work on that?” It’s crushing when I lose my shit on my kids. I’m like, “Damn. Is that going to follow them until they’re 80?”
I’m curious about what you do when you’re not feeling the funk in terms of being creative or funny.
I’ll do other things that will make me feel better like I’ll have my coffee and then go for a walk. I’ll force myself to exercise. I don’t create until I feel it; I rely on my body and mind. I had a really tough day, and my friend called me up, and he’s like, “Let’s create some videos.” I was like, “You know what? Right now, I need to distract myself, put my energy and passion into my creativity, and work with someone who’s also very creative and funny.”
Do you guys have a babysitter or a nanny who reliably gets the kids out for you to create alone?
It’s just me. Sometimes, it’s easier to just incorporate my kids. So sometimes I’m yelling in the background. I was like, “Oh, this is a good one.” I’ve actually filmed the audio while they’re yelling at each other, and I edit it into a reel.
I love your videos where you talk about your mom. Does your family follow your comedy?
My dad doesn’t know that I do comedy. My mom has been unsupportive of my comedy until recently. She now follows me on Instagram. She will laugh at the ones where I pretend to be her. She’s like, “Why do you make me look so crazy?” I’m like, “Mom, you know this isn’t you. Don’t give yourself that much credit. I took you to the next level.”
Sometimes, she asks me, “How much are you getting paid for this?” I’m like, “It’s really for my craft.” And she actually appreciates that. That’s very strange coming from a Chinese mother. But for my social media, when I collaborate with brands, that’s where I monetize. And that’s why I have to do it. Because if I don’t do that, then I don’t have income for all the other stuff I enjoy putting out.
My husband thinks it’s funny. He loves it when it’s about him. Sometimes, he’ll give me ideas. He’s like, “You should make me look more like a chump.”
I can’t imagine looking at videos of my face all the time. So I’m just curious what your routine is for making yourself feel fine with looking at yourself constantly.
I used to be very vain. I had to have my makeup and my hair done before kids. Then, I realized after motherhood I have so much self-esteem and confidence that I don’t care what people think of my face. I don’t look like I did 20 years ago or 10 years ago. But I’m fine with it because if you look too polished and refined, you lose some of the authenticity in your messages. That works in my favor when I don’t look so put together. But really, I don’t give a fuck what people think about me because I know that I’m cute and I’m confident.
I was made fun of when I was a kid. I was called ugly, and all that stuff, and I truly believed I was. But it came from peers. It didn’t come from family. So I was just like, “I’m just going to work on my personality."
I just started skincare because I feel like, “Okay, I’m in my 40s now. Buckle up. Stop trying to sample everything at Sephora.” I’m using Dr. Bowe. I found her on Instagram, and it’s a very simple process, and that’s what I wanted. Now, I’m into this thing called skin cycling. I do a little Botox, and I’m not ashamed of it.
You have beautiful skin, and I always notice your eyebrows too.
Everybody comments on my eyebrows. These are ombre-tattooed, and I highly recommend it. The girl shapes it, and she tattoos it. It’s not painful. You wake up already looking like you’re half awake. I used to draw them all the time. I’m an artist, so I loved drawing them, but it took too much time.
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