I feel this so deeply. My parents have been amazing, mostly. We have de-camped to their bigger, suburban place for 2-3 week stretches twice in the last 10 months and after working out the initial kinks of their house being a 100x times louder with us in it, they are helpful and supportive. BUT. I was able to get them a vaccine appointment in a neighboring city since they are 1B and they weren't having success on their own, and they complained that the location (30 minutes from their house) was not the most convenient. Oh, really?! I will actually cry when I get the vaccine from relief, but by all means, complain about how you have to take time out of your day to get a potentially life-saving shot that your daughter moved heaven and earth to get you access to.
And then my dad asked me what our school district was thinking about going back and I mentioned they're discussing hybrid models for April but it's all very unclear, and he said, "Well, we've been there, done that." And I know in my good heart that he meant he has "been there" with kids and school choices generally, but in my actual heart I stopped cold and said, "You have been nowhere and done nothing." And then I hung up the phone. I think he finally got that he had crossed a line, and he legitimately felt bad, so he sent me an email thanking me for getting he and my mom appointments (which he hadn't done even though it had been over a week) and then he gave my non-profit organization a donation. Which, you don't need to buy my love, actually gratefulness will do, but I will also take your money.
Whew, this just hit a nerve this morning. I will save this and forward it should they ever try to give me unhelpful advice again.
Ugh I deeply want to live in the beautiful fantasy world where this is what grandparents say. I’m monumentally fortunate that the only one I’ve ever heard in the last year is “we can pay for some of that,” but it doesn’t balance out the early April, “well if this had happened when you guys little, I’d have just made a curriculum and done it every day,” or the extremely hurtful email sent 5 hours into our heavily planned, safe-as-possible, risk-assessed, 18-hour cross-country drive (::ahem:: to see the other grandparents) about how terrible our decisions were and how *disappointed* they were that we were being so cavalier about everyone’s health, or the endless stream of “FYI” texts about what not to do or which bad decision makers tested positive.
Woof. Ok. Sorry. May we all do better than our parents. Or my parents, I guess 😂 I want these phrases tattooed on my forearm.
Thanks for this. We are living with the grandparents and I have been carrying so much rage at the judgement we are subjected to by people who got to lead perfectly normal lives and have no idea what this feels like to raise kids in a pandemic. If I hear my in-laws quiz my kindergartener on all the things I taught her in homeschool that day, as though they are purposely trying to highlight what I missed and how bad I am at teaching a 5 year old, I will evaporate. I wish I could send them this article without being passive aggressive.
Ugh, is right. DH had to actually threaten never seeing the grandkids again to his father so he would get out bed and help his son book him a vaccine appt!
My parents live in another state and made the choice of helping my sister with house repairs because the weather was still nice in late October. This decision was made despite me telling them this would likely cause the next time they saw the grandkids in person to be next Spring, at the earliest. I have not really forgiven them for it. I have just been avoiding them as much as possible.
I really only want them to think up and initiate one online activity with the kids (I can help with the tech part). Instead, I had to yell at them to not send me texts about the weather in FL while I such had to shovel for the nth day in a row.
I feel this so deeply. My parents have been amazing, mostly. We have de-camped to their bigger, suburban place for 2-3 week stretches twice in the last 10 months and after working out the initial kinks of their house being a 100x times louder with us in it, they are helpful and supportive. BUT. I was able to get them a vaccine appointment in a neighboring city since they are 1B and they weren't having success on their own, and they complained that the location (30 minutes from their house) was not the most convenient. Oh, really?! I will actually cry when I get the vaccine from relief, but by all means, complain about how you have to take time out of your day to get a potentially life-saving shot that your daughter moved heaven and earth to get you access to.
And then my dad asked me what our school district was thinking about going back and I mentioned they're discussing hybrid models for April but it's all very unclear, and he said, "Well, we've been there, done that." And I know in my good heart that he meant he has "been there" with kids and school choices generally, but in my actual heart I stopped cold and said, "You have been nowhere and done nothing." And then I hung up the phone. I think he finally got that he had crossed a line, and he legitimately felt bad, so he sent me an email thanking me for getting he and my mom appointments (which he hadn't done even though it had been over a week) and then he gave my non-profit organization a donation. Which, you don't need to buy my love, actually gratefulness will do, but I will also take your money.
Whew, this just hit a nerve this morning. I will save this and forward it should they ever try to give me unhelpful advice again.
Ugh I deeply want to live in the beautiful fantasy world where this is what grandparents say. I’m monumentally fortunate that the only one I’ve ever heard in the last year is “we can pay for some of that,” but it doesn’t balance out the early April, “well if this had happened when you guys little, I’d have just made a curriculum and done it every day,” or the extremely hurtful email sent 5 hours into our heavily planned, safe-as-possible, risk-assessed, 18-hour cross-country drive (::ahem:: to see the other grandparents) about how terrible our decisions were and how *disappointed* they were that we were being so cavalier about everyone’s health, or the endless stream of “FYI” texts about what not to do or which bad decision makers tested positive.
Woof. Ok. Sorry. May we all do better than our parents. Or my parents, I guess 😂 I want these phrases tattooed on my forearm.
Thanks for this. We are living with the grandparents and I have been carrying so much rage at the judgement we are subjected to by people who got to lead perfectly normal lives and have no idea what this feels like to raise kids in a pandemic. If I hear my in-laws quiz my kindergartener on all the things I taught her in homeschool that day, as though they are purposely trying to highlight what I missed and how bad I am at teaching a 5 year old, I will evaporate. I wish I could send them this article without being passive aggressive.
Ugh, is right. DH had to actually threaten never seeing the grandkids again to his father so he would get out bed and help his son book him a vaccine appt!
My parents live in another state and made the choice of helping my sister with house repairs because the weather was still nice in late October. This decision was made despite me telling them this would likely cause the next time they saw the grandkids in person to be next Spring, at the earliest. I have not really forgiven them for it. I have just been avoiding them as much as possible.
I really only want them to think up and initiate one online activity with the kids (I can help with the tech part). Instead, I had to yell at them to not send me texts about the weather in FL while I such had to shovel for the nth day in a row.