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Ps also yesterday my son’s teacher told me she told the kids she’s having a baby. I asked him, “did Mrs. T tell you anything interesting today?” “No.” “About herself?” “No.” “Nothing? No big news???” “Oh yeah…”

Useless.

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What???!!!!

The little lad is your son through and through, Claire! He inhabits his own planet!!

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

Yesterday pre-K called to tell us our son got stung by a bee (his first time!). When my husband picked him up at the end of day he was like, “How was your day? Did anything … interesting happen?” And our kid didn’t even tell him about the bee at first even though it later became clear he was obsessed with this happening and maybe also had a personal vendetta against the bee (he’s a Scorpio). Also at bedtime he suddenly started telling me that his friend accidentally kicked him in the crotch and some kid smacked another kid in the face and there was blood. So it was a big day! I’m sure his teacher is glad they are all moving on to kindergarten imminently.

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I loled at "he’s a Scorpio"

That is a WILD start to the week and I hope nobody gets stung/kicked/bleeds next week???

I think the parents of the most gossipy kids in class owe it to everyone else to start a Twitter feed or something so we can be as fully caught up as the parents of children who actually notice things.

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

"Ask who had ugly shoes, who seemed like they couldn’t get their shit together and was a hopeless mess, if anybody got in trouble or said something embarrassing." Is it bad that I, erm, actually do this? When my 9YO won't tell me anything about his day, I ask him if anyone got in trouble and why... he is usually ready and willing. #badmother

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I do too ;P

“did anybody cry today?”

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Oops, me too. "Who cried? Who got in trouble? Are you still Mrs. So-and-so's favorite?" ;p

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

“ Resist the urge to think that your children owe you the simple consideration of speaking to you just because you do everything for them and facilitate their entire life. ” 🤣💀⚰️

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

LOL too funny. Why don't they know who is in their class? You and those people are literally IN the same PHYSICAL class, how is that hard?? And then I look thirsty: "Is Mia in your class?" "I don't know Mom why do you keep asking me that?" "Uh, because I'm desperate for info and you are useless?"

They always tell me which teacher is a bitch though.

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

I am crying. Thank you. Today is the first day of school and with these pointers I WILL find out who was the biggest bitch

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Lol. A masterpiece

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we have literally been playing "two truths and a lie" about our days just to get our 6yo to reveal shit. they are mostly about what he had (or didnt have!) for lunch

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This is the content I am here for.

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

This is the parenting advice I most needed today

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

I am so glad to hear it's not just me who cannot get one! single! detail! out of my kid about her day

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This is one of your best yet, Claire

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

I could not possibly love this more, thank you

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Mar 21, 2023Liked by Claire Zulkey

My kid broke her wrist at school at afternoon recess- did not tell anyone at school. Came home and sat around in her room for a while holding her arm weird and did not respond to us asking if anything was wrong at all. Then closer to dinner told my husband her arm really hurt, but she was sure it was fine.

We took her to convenient care and the wrist is broken in two places....

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(I hope she's doing ok!)

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that is WILD. I mean congrats on having a kid with such a high pain threshold I guess?? My kids n ever miss a chance to tell me when they have any type of pain.

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Nov 8, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

literally sitting here shaking in fear that the first parts of this were sincere. took me far too long to get the joke and im gonna need to sit with that for a few minutes, but the upside is, your humor is A+ definitely my jam, and I just subscribed.

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🧙‍♀️

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Aug 24, 2022Liked by Claire Zulkey

Shane and I criiiiiied laughing over this this morning. One of your best. MWAH.

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