Before I felt secure in my role as a witch (I.E. someone who could identify the ass-aches of parenthood without worrying it made me a bad mom to do so) there was “The Best Part,” a song by children’s musician Charlie Hope I listened to when my firstborn was tiny. Here are the lyrics:
The best part of my day
Is when I’m with you
I work while you play
And rush home to you
The best part of my day
The best part of my day
Maybe one day you will see
Exactly what it means
When you sing the song of love
To a child of your own
You’re always in my heart
Even when you can’t see me
The best part of my day
The best part of my day
Maybe one day you will see
Exactly what it means
When you sing the song of love
To a child of your own
The best part of my day [repeat x5]
Man did I feel like shit when I eventually realized that sentiment did not resonate with me. I actually quite enjoyed not thinking about my kid when I was at work. And whether it was the hazard-lights-shoes-off-then-on coat-and-carseat chaos of daycare pickup or the “What are you doing here?” greeting at aftercare, transitioning from individual human to mom was actually a hard part of the day. We are all tired and grouchy and grubby and the kids are wiped from following rules and learning and playing. There is also dinner looming on the horizon, followed by bedtime and cleaning.
But it still isn’t fun to feel that way. Parenting is simply harder when you feel crappy and everyone feels the trickle-down of shit. Perhaps I could do better at making the transition less of a hard U-turn and more of a gentle bearing. I asked a bunch of witches I know IRL and Twitter how they do it.
Q: How do you end a busy workday and then get excited to see your kids? Or is faking it enough? Standing here typing this instead of actually getting my kids.
Answers —
“I once asked my dad the following: ‘Dad, how did you deal with a long work day [he was a US Attorney’] and then come home to a sassy ass teenager [me], two idiot boys [my brothers] and a crazy toddler [my crazy ass sister?’ His response: ‘Sometimes I didn’t.’ He went to the bar down the block. Moral of the story: act like a dude.”
“I just said yesterday that I was grateful for my acting training”
“CBD oil on the way home so it is full force by the time I walk in the door, put my phone down, think about the dinner I will eat when they are in bed, breathe, go.”
“I’m always SO excited to see them at the end of the day — and then half the time I pick them up and they’re such assholes that I’m depressed after 5 minutes. I never seem to learn the lesson that they are jerkwads at the end of a long day. On really tough nights I like messing with our schedule — like unexpectedly having a movie night or ordering pizza or — here’s a sweet/corny thing we still do even though my kids can read their own chapter books — we have Picture Book Popcorn PJ parties, where we all change into our PJS and read a stack of our favorite old picture books and eat popcorn. I just sometimes have to mix it up.”
“Sometimes a little intentional breathing and pre-putting a smile on my face can help me get there a little bit. I find the hours between 6:30-8:30 really stressful though. I like hanging with them on weekends but weeknights can be a slog.”
“You don’t have to get excited. You’re just not allowed to leave them there so you don’t. Sometimes that’s the best you can do.”
“Yesterday the kids came home screaming about some dumb shit about who gets out on what side of the car so I called a family meeting and said, ‘Listen, I know that school is a long day and it can be exciting or stressful, but I’m trying to make it a nice time for you here. So, going forward, you can go to your room for 10 minutes to chill out then we can have a snack/play/whatever.’ I’m sure that won’t work every day but they were nicer after that. But yeah. 2:40 pm for me is Sunday night for 9 to 5ers.”
“I think the main thing is that you don’t have to be ‘excited’ - but it is better if you’re present (I’m terrible at this). Also one piece of parenting advice I got from Carrie Contey that I’ve used here when the grind has gotten me down is to ‘be the babysitter’ - ie, if the role of mean mom has started to swallow you, if the grind of dinner, homework, bath, bed has become overwhelming - give yourself a break from momming for a night and just be the babysitter. You don’t expect the babysitter to force the kids to eat veggies and leftovers and fill out all the school paperwork, etc. — if they get fed and to bed and the kitchen isn’t a disaster you consider it a win! Let yourself be a babysitter every once in a while.”
End credits
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One witchy thing
As always your GIF game is on point. Kool Aid Man!
I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE SEEN. I pick my kids up from school two afternoons a week and I completely dread the experience of getting them out of the car/into the house/settled in the next activity. They do aftercare till 5pm one day a week which is better for my work life but also shitty because they come home even more starving and grouchy and we pretty much immediately need to eat. The other two days my husband falls on the afternoon pick-up sword. They are usually already immersed in an activity or watching TV by the time I come downstairs from my office and those are definitely the days I like them best.