I told my husband I'd like to go to the Chicago White Sox game on actual Mother's Day (we are getting together with my parents/brother the day before which is nice--one day for Grannie, one day for me). I like the idea of strolling around nodding at the other moms, making my family get me hot dogs.
I usually make dinner for my mother in law and listen to my mom in the phone lament that it’s too far to drive to my house.
I don’t want or need gifts. I don’t care about that at all. My husband works nights and weekends as a first responder so I will be getting up at regular time to take care of my kid.
I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone since I made Easter dinner and cake for my in-laws the day after my dad died this year.
I don’t care about gifts, I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone else.
Usually I send my spouse and child to get fancy pastry while I lay in bed (we live within walking distance of very good pastry and the mother's day line is long, this works very well for me)
This year I am making my indoor spouse go camping. I'm also making him go camping for Father's Day and his birthday, lol, I may be the villian in this house.
my husband also likes to sleep in while I'm an early riser. Normally I don't mind and when I do mind I just silently count up my "you put them to bed since I was up with them for 4 hours" chits. But I can't remember if he's slept in on a Mother's Day (which is a good thing)
I already booked myself a massage, made dinner reservations on Saturday night and have ordered brunch to be sent to the house on Sunday (thank you goldbelly). I've requested sleeping in and flowers. Clear communication is my neurodivergent preference and thankfully my husband doesn't get huffy about it or insist on going rogue.
That is awesome and I love that you have something to look forward to already!
I made a mistake some years ago and booked a massage *on* mothers day at a downtown fancy hotel and simply didn't consider the traffic of people trying to park their cars and the brunch bunches. On top of it all the woman who had an appointment ahead of me wouldn't leave the treatment room (???) so my appointment started late and my therapist was all stressed out. But a good lesson learned.
love this! Booking and doing things yourself is the only way to make sure expectations are met. Thats the one thing i learned on my first mothers day last year. This time around i didn't only plan my day, but also sent my husband links + my newsletter gifttguide so he could choose from those options ( basically doing the homework for him)- this way there are no excuses lol
We are very low-key for Mother's Day (all I want is a bagel sandwich for breakfast and time to read) and even lower key for Father's Day and I think that proportionality is really, really important. I know a lot of women who are super thoughtful and intentional about Father's Day gifts and then get sweet fuck all or something dumb for Mother's Day and then are EVEN MORE resentful. Setting aside that their husbands all suck and need to do better... maybe they need to make way less of an investment in time and care for him?
My husband who is very nice has spent one or two Fathers' Days golfing with the kids and my own dad which is almost like a punishment lol. That's what those dads deserve--extra family time.
Bravo fancy ice cream in a flavor no one else likes mom!! Bravo!
Did I forget that Mother’s Day existed back in february when I pitched the class I am teaching at a local art center? Yes. Yes, I did. So will I be spending some of it with (some) of my quilting class? Also yes, but frankly that is more fun than with my family most Sunday mornings where I get peppered with questions from a 6yo about the causes of the revolutionary war and if it is still ok to call Great Britain “our enemy.”
Anyone have any Mother’s Day advice for the birthing, stay-at-home mother of two kids in a same-sex marriage?
My wife wants equal billing, and I... think that’s crap. I understand her not wanting Father’s Day, but do I seriously not get a even this (obviously bullshit, DIY) day to acknowledge my traditional-Mom contributions just because I’m married to a woman (lawyer, who works constantly and hasn’t been to the grocery store in a decade)?
(Last year, we just exchanged a handful of presents “from” our 8 month old. The ones to her were wrapped; mine weren’t.)
I have a couple of friends in relationships a bit similar to yours--let me ask them what they do and get back to you!
I wish I could find the quote but there was something on the TV show where the mom declares another day "Second Mother's Day" and I do think it should be a quarterly event.
OK I emailed a few moms I know married to other moms and this is what they told me re: how they do Mothers day:
" we each get a day that happens to fall on Mothers day and Fathers Day! It’s about giving the parent the honors and letting them rest! LOL. That’s really it. It’s a designated day to make that caregiver feel 'special”'
From a divorced witch: "The part that helped me was telling my then-wife exactly what I needed, which was always to go for a run and a couple of hours kid free.. Since the divorce, my ex takes Father’s Day. I truly feel like it shouldn’t matter who gets Mother’s Day, and who gets Father’s Day but you definitely have to have your own day! "
More to come, maybe! I have 2 others I reached out to.
One more answer, this time from a witch in a FMF triad. She is the one who gave birth to the kids so this probably is more applicable to your situation:
"We don't really do a whole lot for Mother's Day, but for complicated reasons. Our male partner's birthday is 6/21 so it always falls near or on Father's Day, so we just focus on his birthday and ignore Father's Day. Since we ignore Father's Day, it only feels fair to also ignore Mother's Day.
That said, early on we tried to do something for me on Mother's Day and something for my wife on the Sunday after, but we're just not really holiday people. I think the "classic" two-mom family tradition is bio mom in May and non-bio in June on Father's Day, but having a third parent threw that off anyway.
One of the plus sides of the kids getting older is that if I say to my older daughter, 'Next Sunday is Mother's Day; do you want to make a card for Mama?' she's old enough to put the pieces together and make one for me too!
All in all, I feel like I have slightly more right on Mother's Day if I want to say "hey I'm going to go take a bath" or 'I'm going to curl up and read for a bit' and just back off childcare, but we're all pretty good about giving each other those breaks anyway. I'd definitely say Mother's Day is more my holiday than my wife's, not because I'm the bio parent but because I'm the sahp and do most of the intense parenting work. It's an unspoken rule that I get to slack off all day if I want.
This year, in the spirit of our communal housing, our neighbor is taking us all out for brunch! One step backwards for having to deal with the kids in a restaurant, but two steps forward for eating out and not paying for it. I'll take it!"
Thank you so much for actually reaching out to folks—above and beyond!
Consensus on own day, it seems like, but variations on which day/when. Maybe we’ll just celebrate the other moms in our life on Mother’s Day and each pick a random day we like for our “parent celebration” day.
I told my husband I'd like to go to the Chicago White Sox game on actual Mother's Day (we are getting together with my parents/brother the day before which is nice--one day for Grannie, one day for me). I like the idea of strolling around nodding at the other moms, making my family get me hot dogs.
I usually make dinner for my mother in law and listen to my mom in the phone lament that it’s too far to drive to my house.
I don’t want or need gifts. I don’t care about that at all. My husband works nights and weekends as a first responder so I will be getting up at regular time to take care of my kid.
I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone since I made Easter dinner and cake for my in-laws the day after my dad died this year.
I don’t care about gifts, I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone else.
"I don’t care about gifts, I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone else." A new unofficial slogan for this newsletter.
Usually I send my spouse and child to get fancy pastry while I lay in bed (we live within walking distance of very good pastry and the mother's day line is long, this works very well for me)
This year I am making my indoor spouse go camping. I'm also making him go camping for Father's Day and his birthday, lol, I may be the villian in this house.
Minnesota moms get to fish without a license on mother's day in things most people weren't asking for: https://www.dnr.state.mn.us/news/2023/04/27/minnesota-moms-join-mothers-day-weekend-fishing-challenge
I love this fact too and I hope someone besides the moms does the fish cooking/cleaning that day (unless they want to!)
I love this fun fact
“A subscription to access a historical newspapers database.” - who is this and did we just become best friends? hahahah
Me too I was like OOH WHICH ONE
So, so good. Thank you for the validation, ideas, and laughs.
I am distressed by the guy who slept in til 10 am. That is some bullshit.
my husband also likes to sleep in while I'm an early riser. Normally I don't mind and when I do mind I just silently count up my "you put them to bed since I was up with them for 4 hours" chits. But I can't remember if he's slept in on a Mother's Day (which is a good thing)
I already booked myself a massage, made dinner reservations on Saturday night and have ordered brunch to be sent to the house on Sunday (thank you goldbelly). I've requested sleeping in and flowers. Clear communication is my neurodivergent preference and thankfully my husband doesn't get huffy about it or insist on going rogue.
That is awesome and I love that you have something to look forward to already!
I made a mistake some years ago and booked a massage *on* mothers day at a downtown fancy hotel and simply didn't consider the traffic of people trying to park their cars and the brunch bunches. On top of it all the woman who had an appointment ahead of me wouldn't leave the treatment room (???) so my appointment started late and my therapist was all stressed out. But a good lesson learned.
love this! Booking and doing things yourself is the only way to make sure expectations are met. Thats the one thing i learned on my first mothers day last year. This time around i didn't only plan my day, but also sent my husband links + my newsletter gifttguide so he could choose from those options ( basically doing the homework for him)- this way there are no excuses lol
very smart! Drop a link to your newsletter gift guide here if you like!
https://zilliontrillion.substack.com/p/we-deserve-it-all here you go :)
We are very low-key for Mother's Day (all I want is a bagel sandwich for breakfast and time to read) and even lower key for Father's Day and I think that proportionality is really, really important. I know a lot of women who are super thoughtful and intentional about Father's Day gifts and then get sweet fuck all or something dumb for Mother's Day and then are EVEN MORE resentful. Setting aside that their husbands all suck and need to do better... maybe they need to make way less of an investment in time and care for him?
My husband who is very nice has spent one or two Fathers' Days golfing with the kids and my own dad which is almost like a punishment lol. That's what those dads deserve--extra family time.
Bravo fancy ice cream in a flavor no one else likes mom!! Bravo!
Did I forget that Mother’s Day existed back in february when I pitched the class I am teaching at a local art center? Yes. Yes, I did. So will I be spending some of it with (some) of my quilting class? Also yes, but frankly that is more fun than with my family most Sunday mornings where I get peppered with questions from a 6yo about the causes of the revolutionary war and if it is still ok to call Great Britain “our enemy.”
Ahhhhhh Mother's Day (imagine profanities prancing above my head like sugar plums)
Some of us, not naming names*, need to get better at Father's Day because they are BAD at it
*me
Dads need to be like moms because my husband rarely knows what he wants to do. I don't know if he cares as much as I do/requires as much homage, haha.
Love this. Thinking about what to buy myself now 🤔
Anyone have any Mother’s Day advice for the birthing, stay-at-home mother of two kids in a same-sex marriage?
My wife wants equal billing, and I... think that’s crap. I understand her not wanting Father’s Day, but do I seriously not get a even this (obviously bullshit, DIY) day to acknowledge my traditional-Mom contributions just because I’m married to a woman (lawyer, who works constantly and hasn’t been to the grocery store in a decade)?
(Last year, we just exchanged a handful of presents “from” our 8 month old. The ones to her were wrapped; mine weren’t.)
I have a couple of friends in relationships a bit similar to yours--let me ask them what they do and get back to you!
I wish I could find the quote but there was something on the TV show where the mom declares another day "Second Mother's Day" and I do think it should be a quarterly event.
OK I emailed a few moms I know married to other moms and this is what they told me re: how they do Mothers day:
" we each get a day that happens to fall on Mothers day and Fathers Day! It’s about giving the parent the honors and letting them rest! LOL. That’s really it. It’s a designated day to make that caregiver feel 'special”'
From a divorced witch: "The part that helped me was telling my then-wife exactly what I needed, which was always to go for a run and a couple of hours kid free.. Since the divorce, my ex takes Father’s Day. I truly feel like it shouldn’t matter who gets Mother’s Day, and who gets Father’s Day but you definitely have to have your own day! "
More to come, maybe! I have 2 others I reached out to.
That might help! “Q2 results: disappointing. We need deeper commitment from the whole team to achieve our projections for Q3.”
<<points to chart trending down>>
One more answer, this time from a witch in a FMF triad. She is the one who gave birth to the kids so this probably is more applicable to your situation:
"We don't really do a whole lot for Mother's Day, but for complicated reasons. Our male partner's birthday is 6/21 so it always falls near or on Father's Day, so we just focus on his birthday and ignore Father's Day. Since we ignore Father's Day, it only feels fair to also ignore Mother's Day.
That said, early on we tried to do something for me on Mother's Day and something for my wife on the Sunday after, but we're just not really holiday people. I think the "classic" two-mom family tradition is bio mom in May and non-bio in June on Father's Day, but having a third parent threw that off anyway.
One of the plus sides of the kids getting older is that if I say to my older daughter, 'Next Sunday is Mother's Day; do you want to make a card for Mama?' she's old enough to put the pieces together and make one for me too!
All in all, I feel like I have slightly more right on Mother's Day if I want to say "hey I'm going to go take a bath" or 'I'm going to curl up and read for a bit' and just back off childcare, but we're all pretty good about giving each other those breaks anyway. I'd definitely say Mother's Day is more my holiday than my wife's, not because I'm the bio parent but because I'm the sahp and do most of the intense parenting work. It's an unspoken rule that I get to slack off all day if I want.
This year, in the spirit of our communal housing, our neighbor is taking us all out for brunch! One step backwards for having to deal with the kids in a restaurant, but two steps forward for eating out and not paying for it. I'll take it!"
Thank you so much for actually reaching out to folks—above and beyond!
Consensus on own day, it seems like, but variations on which day/when. Maybe we’ll just celebrate the other moms in our life on Mother’s Day and each pick a random day we like for our “parent celebration” day.
but you get first pick imo.
Ok - where are those amazing lego storage boxes from?
I am going to ask my witch-friend whose house that is and report back!
Ask and ye shall receive: "I got the bins from Joann Fabrics, something very similar to this: https://www.joann.com/artbin-super-satchel-box-with-removable-dividers-9007ab/9059049.html"