There are 2 weeks until American Mother's Day
Ten ways to avoid disappointment
This is a service-y issue meant to be forwarded to dads, partners, siblings, kids, and even exes, but also moms out there who need ideas on how not to let Mother’s Day arrive with no or a half-assed plan, ending in resentment. I grabbed a bunch of quotes from emails and social media posts from Mother’s Days pasts from witchy friends that I think might be informative in a “do this” or “don’t do that” way.
I do think that if you want a Mother’s Day you truly enjoy, most moms need to do some of their own advocating and planning and expectation-setting, but hopefully, with a bit of listening and logistics, the other members of the family can perhaps play a tiny role in making it alright.
1. Set a reminder in your calendar to look for/order/ship things on time.
“My husband’s mom just wanted drawings or homemade cards from the kids for Mother’s Day. He kept forgetting to send them until the Friday before and he had to spend $50 to get it to her by Saturday. 🙃”
“For Mothers Day, my husband bought me tickets to a women’s retreat… for a year later. It definitely felt like a last minute ‘I threw money at something I googled’ but whatever.”
“My husband apparently ordered me some stuff which didn’t arrive in time, but I just don’t fucking care. The best part of the day was just letting myself be a hungover mess and doing a bunch of online shopping for myself while he did cooking and cleaning. I copied a lady I talked to at a party last week and bought myself these witchy earrings.”
“This is the extent to which my childfree brother plans and participates in honoring our mother every year. Always with two business days remaining:
Set an alarm so that your wife is not up with the kids before you
“Happy Mother’s Day to my husband! I hope you enjoyed your lie-in as I left at 10am and you were still sleeping soundly. The kids made themselves toasted hamburger bun Nutella breakfast sandwiches, and no one thought of me, so I ate biscotti soaked in the coffee I made myself, then made sure the kids had their morning meds, and left to go wander Home Depot in the rain by myself. Another Mother’s Day for the record books begins!”
Give her something that aligns with her actual interests
“My husband did well - he bought me a cool woodworking apron that is a nice heavy canvas with leather pockets and no loose straps to get pulled into the new table saw I bought myself this week. I was most excited that I won’t lose my pencils while working anymore.”
“My husband got me a sweatshirt that has a picture of a beer can on it. I do not drink beer.”
Don’t give her a gift that requires work to operate. Then again, it’s better than nothing. Maybe.
“My mother gave me a hummingbird feeder which requires me to make their fucking syrup. But this is all I got so I should maybe be pleased?! Eh, no.”
Know when a half-assed basic bitch present is worse than nothing at all.
“My best friend’s husband got her a fucking edible arrangement for Mother’s Day. 😵”
Give her the gift of not being around the family.
“My husband got me a gift card to go stay in a tiny house away from everyone by myself which was exactly what I wanted.”
“I am currently laying in bed in a heavily air-conditioned Palm Springs hotel room, with a couple bottles of wine and an actual paper novel. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!”
“My favorite Mother’s Day was a few years ago when some friends and I met up at the local wine shop to toast each other with pink bubbles. Over time more and more women showed up and we became a bigger and bigger circle of moms toasting each other and enjoying our time. The best part was when my husband and kids walked by and waved through the window and I waved back both in a ‘Hi!’ way and also a ‘BYEEEEE’ way. I liked them seeing me with my witches, moms enjoying their time, their way.”
“Covid has given me the Mother’s Day I’ve always wanted. The people in my house are leaving me completely alone. I got to sleep alone last night, and I get to watch all the tv I want alone. I even seem sick enough that my husband is genuinely concerned but also keeping his distance because he doesn’t want to get what I have. Bonus, I can’t get together with my extended family on Mother’s Day.”
“The secret to an excellent Mother’s Day turns out to be going away for the weekend with old college friends and arriving home at 4:30 p.m. on Sunday to a child who’s loving and excited and eager to please because he’s missed you. You’ve missed him, too, because after more than two days of no responsibilities whatsoever, this whole parenting thing doesn’t seem so bad. He gives you an adorable homemade card and is asleep three and a half hours later, and you eat ice cream while watching/analyzing TV with your husband. I hope to replicate it many more times.”
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For the moms: Keep your expectations manageable.
“My husband is pretty consistently the worst at things like birthdays and Mother’s Day. He crumbles under the pressure and sometimes I help and sometimes I don’t. Either way, my expectations stay low. This Sunday was weird weather, so we were pretty lazy, but I got away for a walk with a friend. My husband plays pick up basketball on Sunday mornings and was not going to let Mother’s Day stop him, but none of the other guys who play went so he was left looking like the lone asshole. We had a good laugh about that one!”
“I set strict low rules for Mother’s Day - kids make me cards, husband takes them for a loooong walk to pick me flowers (I do not care if it is a bunch of dandelions, as long as they take at least an hour getting them). That way, I cannot be disappointed. This year he stepped it up and bought me a box of chocolate while picking up his prescription at Walgreens, and kept the kids out for 4 hours at a playdate I arranged for him.”
“My first Mother’s Day with two kids, my husband was sick, and I remember looking out the window holding a screaming baby while my toddler was crying. A woman was walking calmly down the street in sportswear, and I wanted to scream out the window, ‘Look at you out there walking in your clothes. Like it’s so fucking easy!!” One time, I went to Nordstrom because the kids needed shoes, and I ran upstairs, leaving my husband in charge, because I was completely out of underwear. My toddler daughter disappeared, and I got to tell security that they were looking for a two-year-old with a balloon and a silver tutu. Soon after they locked the store down, she was found in the fur section. Since then, my expectations are very low, and the kids and husband seem to have figured out that they should do SOMETHING, and there’s usually a chance to get away and relax. Sometimes I even like my family at the end of the day.”
For the moms: Do it Galentine’s Day style
“My Mother’s Day was underwhelming and disappointing from a ‘really dude?’ standpoint but it was tempered by the fact that the night before, I got a bunch of neighborhood moms to go out for sushi then play shuffleboard, hang by my bonfire, and freestyle dance to 90’s ladies jamzzz in my garage. So that was nice. Mother’s Day Eve is the best new favorite holiday. Spread the word.”
For the moms: Get yourself something you want,
evenespecially if it has nothing to do with being a mom.
“The past few years my husband and I have said we’re not getting each other gifts because we both want stuff for our house. But I went to the Mac store randomly on Saturday on a whim when I was picking up something else, and ended up buying myself some Mother’s Day gifts that no one knows about. Before this no-gifts thing, I had definitely started picking out my own gifts. It’s not worth the disappointment.”
“I have wanted a bike for the past few Mother’s Days. A few weeks ago, I said I’ll be picking one up for myself - not spiteful, just practical. So I stopped by the bike store on my own and ordered a used bike that will arrive in two weeks. Very excited - but didn’t feel the need to share with anyone in my home that I did this. It was a gift to myself, and didn’t need to make it a big deal. After Mother’s Day dinner consisted of a drive-through that I paid for (because, of course, there was no plan), my daughter gave me a pair of cute socks and a homemade card (which I like vs. Hallmark cards.) My husband drew a small bike on the cover and tried to get me to focus on the bike and explained that my gift was going to be a bike—but no, it was not ordered or sourced out at all. My reaction? ‘Oh, that’s okay - I bought a bike today, and it will be here in two weeks, but thanks for the socks; I love them.’”
Finally, these were some responses from a Twitter thread I put up last year asking moms what they got themselves on this most blessed day:
“New throw pillows”
“5/10 of the link sausages this morning during breakfast when we usually divvy them up two each. (Ten per box)”
“New Brooklinen sheets for myself”
“Van Leeuwen ice cream in a flavor no one else likes”
“A ‘cheese, meat and treats’ tray from Antonelli’s cheese shop in Austin that my husband picked up”
“A subscription to access a historical newspapers database.”
“An immediate replacement for the fancy wine glass I broke as I was taking it out of the gift box”
“A very cute small sling backpack for carrying granola bars and a spare pull up and not much else as we officially exit the diaper bag phase!”
“I bought an edition of one of my favorite teen magazines from the early 2000s off Poshmark”
“An awesome & extravagant beach shade for our summer vacation”
“I bought myself a nail polish organizer and some chocolate truffles.”
“Outdoor planters from HomeGoods!”
“Donations to senate candidates in purple states.”
“Recognized that I actually wanted quiet, slow alone time this morning, so canceled plans to get coffee with someone. It was great. Also I bought a rad plant.”
“I didn’t wash a dish or pick up a toy”
End credits
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Several Witchy Things
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I told my husband I'd like to go to the Chicago White Sox game on actual Mother's Day (we are getting together with my parents/brother the day before which is nice--one day for Grannie, one day for me). I like the idea of strolling around nodding at the other moms, making my family get me hot dogs.
I usually make dinner for my mother in law and listen to my mom in the phone lament that it’s too far to drive to my house.
I don’t want or need gifts. I don’t care about that at all. My husband works nights and weekends as a first responder so I will be getting up at regular time to take care of my kid.
I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone since I made Easter dinner and cake for my in-laws the day after my dad died this year.
I don’t care about gifts, I just don’t want to make dinner for anyone else.