Your and my witchy faves from 2023

Open marriages, trad wives, tripping balls, houses beautiful

Not kidding, every time I send out a newsletter issue I cringe a little, ready to be told that the issue sucks or I suck (it happens sometimes) or realizing it just landed with a soft thud.

So for me personally it’s nice to look back and remember that I sent out a few good things and we all had some great conversations in the last year.

I hope you take a moment to look back at your own year and pause to admire your work in all the dimensions you put effort into. It’s harder than you think when you have the kind of life where you can barely remember what you did last Friday.

According to my interpretation of Substack stats, along with some my own personal faves, here were some of the highlights from Evil Witches from 2023. Some of these issues went out just to the paid subscribers at the time but I’ve opened them up to everyone (the paid subscriber-only threads remain for paid subscribers only).

If you think you’d like more of these in 2024, you can still claim this discount subscription option through the end of the year.

And/or if you buy someone a gift subscription before 1/1/24 and you forward me the receipt to ew.clairezulkey@gmail.com I’ll comp you three free months of the paid version as a thank you.

Now, a look back!

Some of the stupidest issues that I wrote in a hurry that I was like “watch people get a kick out of this”:

• House Beautiful life vs. real life

• When I agreed to be Speaker of the House because nobody else was doing it so might as well just add it to the to-do list
  

Questions on our minds:

• Why are so many of us getting inductions and why do we feel so bad afterwards?

• How do you model non-negative eating habits and mentalities when you’re recovering from an eating disorder?

• Why can my older kid do so many things competently but not tie his shoes or use a knife and fork easily?
  

School things:

• If fundraising was realistic

• Um, my kid got suspended??

• When Teacher becomes Mommy

Coparenting:

• Why is it sometimes easier when there’s just one of us?

• Witches in non-monogamous relationships

• What was your marital breaking point?

House and home:

• When your professional organizer finds a ghost

• Hosting Thanksgiving is for the birds!

Being kind of old but not really old:

• The driving era

• Loving and managing preteen daughters

• How about not peeing yourself or feeling pelvic discomfort all the time?
  

Wait, moms do this?

• Trip balls

• Troll haters

• Walk the red carpet

• Hustle our asses off (and help win elections!)

Being part of the reason why young people apparently don’t want to have kids:

• Can I just get a lobotomy that eventually wears off?

• When you tap into a rich, deep vein of anger that just keeps paying off.

• Journaling is not a substitution for therapy or medicine or quality of life.

• Everyone just shut up, shut up!

Some ADHD stuff:

• Have you ever tried filling out one of these forms? It feels like a trick.

• Things to buy!! They’re not as fun as, say, a piece of pie or some cool earrings, but still, it’s the satisfying feeling of participating in capitalism.

Discussions we had:

• Battles we’ve chosen

• Hills we die on

• Children’s milestones that deserve more acclaim

• How do you stay on top of your shit?

• What’s rizz and do we have it? (obvi)

• Getting out of the country with kids.

• Hyper-specific parenting advice

• What’s a funny tee shirt I can buy?

In the interest of that elusive goal of peace and quiet (that issue includes an old link to subscription discounts—use the one above!), Evil Witches is taking a long winter’s nap til the kids’ school break is over, so around January 10 or so.

Happy holidays, witches! Try hard to say no to at least one thing you deep down don’t want to do that you think you “should” do. Be fine with the idea of your family being disappointed you didn’t do something to make this time of year nice the way they think it ought to be. Buy yourself a present and thank yourself. Go for a bitchy little walk outside with a friend. I love you.

~Claire

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End credits

Thanks for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. New here? Here’s what the newsletter is all about. If you have any questions, feedback, or suggestions for future issues, you can reply directly to this email or leave them in the comments.

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Our Instagram, curated by Carly O., lives here. The entire Evil Witches archives live here: check them out if you’re new.

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One witchy thing

My friend Sara recently told me about a Christmas tradition her family invented that I think needs to become widespread.

Every year, each family member would select one special Christmas ornament …

…for permanent retirement.